More Than Enough

I am in an unfortunate position of having to cram for something I should have done some time past.  But if it gets me back into some semblance of fire for the job, then so be it.  Lately I have noticed I have been going through the motions.  It gets things done, but it's not the same.  And I want to believe in what I am doing.  Because without it, this whole existence becomes more unbearable.

It's been two weeks since I have returned from my vacation.  Manila remains beautiful, flawed, frustrating, and addictive.  I refer to her not only for the geographical location but also for the life that happens there.  I love being there, but for the immediate future, I need to be here.  This year, I've divided my vacation into two parts so I can put some priorities in order.  And  I'm not surprised that things went down as they should.

I cannot encapsulate the world I have left into one big treat.  Relationships take time, and I can only devote what I can give to those which are most important to me.  I tried to give some time to new kinds of friends, or open the prospects for a relationship, and for some reason they never even panned out.  They never even occurred.  It's still on me for not trying harder.  And somewhere inside me, I know I can.  It's just that I lack the courage to let my heart burst for caring too much.

I'm old.  I've been beaten down by this.  However, I refuse to give up caring.  In my job it's hard to keep on doing it and coping with the reality of expatriate life in Saudi Arabia.  I look into someone's eyes and I know I've been there.    I can only offer sympathies.

For us to bounce back, we have to suck up the hurt and keep on dreaming that someday all this would mean something.  Maybe we're kidding ourselves, but we have to believe that this separation adds more value to the lives of the people we love.    That is enough.  That is more than enough.

Blow a Bubble of Good Cheer

This is an old favorite of mine - bossa as a genre has been in my blood, particularly of the Astrud Gilberto/Sergio Mendes quality. I am not a big fan of Sitti's covers - but this song catches, I believe, the sort of personality she wanted to create for herself when she started out. 

Just blowing a bubble of good cheer.   Some English translation of the lyrics, afterward, just for kicks.

Kung ika’y magiging akin
Di ka na muling luluha pa
Pangakong di ka lolokohin
Ng puso kong nagmamahal

Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako’y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman

Chorus:
Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo pang iyong damdamin
Hayaan na lang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin

Kung ako ay mamalasin
At mayro'n ka nang ibang mahal
Ngunit patuloy ang aking pagibig
Magpakailanman

[repeat chorus 2x]

Para sa akin

First attempt, rough draft:

Should you ever become mine
You will never shed tears again
A promise that I will never cheat on you
From my heart that truly loves

Should I ever be blessed by fortune
That I too will be loved by you
I promise that you'll be the only one I'll love
Forevermore

I will never try to force you
Even if you follow what you feel
I will let your heart beat as it will
Only for me.

Should I ever run into bad luck
And find out you love someone else
I will keep on with my loving you
Forevermore...

Because I Feel It. Because It's There.

This can only be ersatz poetry because it's so sincere.  Hall and Oates would have been apropos as well, but that ship has sailed and a song once dedicated cannot be taken back.  It's that quiet, buoyant confidence in the lyrics that deceives the listener that it isn't serious - but listen to those lines again:

"That's why I've got to be there
Got to be there where love begins
And that's everywhere she goes
I've got to be there so she knows
That when she's with me, she's home."

That's a feeling to which I wish I can awake.  It's that depth of feeling that rounds this life with purpose.  For now it's by proxy.  Just wish that my scene would soon be up.  I know I wouldn't know what to do.  Yet I believe that "I will be there" for that loveliest of mornings.

If I could only wrap around these words
The nature of my feelings
Or the silences even more profound
I will shower the universe with this bounty
I will dance with joy unbound.

If I could touch you with my intentions
Like a mother's care for her child
With worship so unspoiled and pure
I will paint the heavens with rainbows
I will rock your world for sure.

If there is nothing more left to give
Even bound in all the cliches -
My heart, my soul is yours to take
I will be lifted in sweet surrender
In the dreams your touch will wake.

If this world reveals such perfection
Such as only expressed in you
There is nothing I will find amiss:
Your lines, your scars - they make you beautiful
And I will heal them with my kiss.

Much for Nothing, Alas

Too much noise going on
Too much running around for what's new
Not much to do by hanging around
Not fun if it's time without you.

Too much store in knowledge that dies
Too many toys, too many things
In the end they don't mean too much to your heart
When your heart is no longer whole.

Too many lights to hide the darkness
Illuminated and yet rendered blind
Too much ego and mole-hill building
No time for "us", only for the "mine."

Too many lies that we tell ourselves
Life would be great if we had so much more
Yet so much of life have we forgotten
Too far have we gone from shore.

Too much spent for the unimportant
Expecting love and joy to be free
When treasures of life have been thrown away
Everything else becomes dross.


*The year-blog goes on hiatus until I select a better time to get it moving again.  Sometimes even when there is so much to be said, staying quiet is the best thing to do.

Holding the Wheel

"Nothing is more difficult than the art of maneuvering for advantageous position." - Sun Tzu

I'll try to keep this post as short and as sweet as possible.

Sun Tzu's impact on business is very simple because his tenets about confrontation are very simple.  Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and be honest to yourself in assessing your abilities.  Work hard to get the maximum advantage. Always be confident in your abilities.    Never pick a fight with someone you don't know.   Learn as much as you can about the "playing field" just as much as you are learning about your opponent.  Hone your skills and be as diverse in your methods of attack.  Keep your belligerent intentions secret.  Never allow your opponent to get a sure footing on you, on your abilities and your resources.  When you attack, make it swift, clean and decisive.  Preserve your people and your opponent's as well - someone has to rebuild and replant after the conflict is done.

Gaining an advantage over someone when the field is either known or well traversed is very difficult to do.  In business or in relationships, when all the cards in the deck are relatively well-known, masking your moves is a matter of hiding your emotions, or practicing outright deception.  Manipulation is not uncommon, especially by changing essential facts about oneself or admitting to feelings one doesn't truly have.

Treading Risk

It doesn't really mean anything, but I love space and it's quite purty.

"The man who never makes a mistake always takes orders from one who does."  - Anonymous

Today is a special day for my family as it marks what would have been the 55th wedding anniversary of my parents.  Since my father has passed on almost 20 years now, the celebration has been muted.  There are many wishes, but mainly that I hope that he had lived long enough for me to start paying the favor.

I had started with a more jocular tone in this post, assigning blame on someone who deserves it, but it didn't feel right, so I decided to put that part away.  Once again I find myself showing off for others in writing instantaneously, and find that what I wrote doesn't make any sense at all.

So here, in the middle of watching a brilliant display of acting by Denzel Washington on the movie "Flight," time to recapture my thoughts.  Denzel is back at where he is best: deeply pained (and flawed) charming working man, an identity he achieved between his first Oscar win in "Glory" and one of his popular roles (one of my favorites as well) as Jake Shuttlesworth in "He Got Game."  As he has gotten older, it's a bit reassuring that he still manages to romance some of the best-looking actresses of the day - Milla Jovovich, Eva Mendes, Nadine Velazquez, to name a few.  He did star opposite Whitney Houston and Julia Roberts, but hmmm... never mind.

Barring the technical scenes of flying, the themes in the movie "Flight" are so universal I believe it can be remade into a Filipino setting, with perhaps Cesar Montano doing Denzel's role.  Not Robin Padilla - he doesn't communicate enough book intelligence to pull a pilot off.  Not Bong Revilla, because he can't act, unless acting like a Senator counts, for which he is doing an awards-worthy performance.  Not Jinggoy Estrada, he doesn't have the physicality of a pilot.  Not Aga Muhlach (much too good-looking to be insecure).  I have a ton of jokes about other actors, but we're getting away from point.

The climax of the film entails a decision the character had to make which would define his life.  While most decisions are not on the same nature as "game-changers" all kinds of decisions entail some amount of risk.

Risk is what makes people averse to making decisions that carry some negative but necessary consequences.  Inviting confrontation is one thing.  Volunteering to do more for the sake of the team, without expectation of credit is one another.  Asking to be recognized for that kind of voluntary work is still one more.

The willingness to take risks and make mistakes is what earns people's trust - few people make headway with squeaky-clean records.  This is not saying that deliberately doing something bad would give someone a better resume.  Rather, it's the willingness to do something that is unpopular, uncomfortable, or conventional that enables people to succeed.  It is said the best way to lose your head is to stick your neck out for something; on the other there is no way for someone to go forward unless you stretch all the way.  The same pose that where people get beheaded is the same where they get knighted.

I laud all my fellow expats who undertook great risks to get here.  At times, they accept demotions, take on additional debt, do something different from what they used to do, on top of being separated from their families, just to get here to the Middle East.

However, by the time they get here, something fundamentally changes.

Setting the Norm

"Only knowledge put to use can create capital." -- Mikel Harry & Richard Schroeder, creators of Six Sigma

NBA Player Royce White speaks on mental health

I realize the whole issue being taken up by Chuck Klosterman in his article (short aside, I believe Klosterman to be a very insightful who is able to cross-reference sports with all other aspects of public interest) is not how I would like to preface today's piece.

It does, however, state a simple fact that we take for granted - setting a norm is the best way to determine how to go about accomplishing something.  If there are no norms, no standards, no procedures or precedents on major parts of activity society would fall apart.

In our office setting the lack of standards is one of the glaring issues we need to address.  I say this without any rancor for any particular manager, or for the management in general.  I am sure they are aware of the problem.  Without any specific standards for operational efficiency, there is a lot of difficulty of measuring how good our people are, or how much money we are actually making.  Sure, there is the financial bottom-line, but even with the best accountants, numbers can prove to be deceptive.  It's just like high-volume shooters padding their stats without any efficiency.

The classic NBA example is Allen Iverson.

I admit I was never a fan of Iverson's kind of game.  Sure, he was a talented player who can get off any shot he chose, but his career shooting percentage is just a little over 40%.  With simple math, it is easy to conclude that Allen Iverson misses more than half of what he attempts.  And if he's your best player, then you are in a quandary - necessity dictates you have to surround him with both good defenders to help stopper the opponent's offense, but who can also shoot reliably when needed.

Experience and common sense will tell you that if there is any player with that kind of combination of ability, they won't stay too long when all they have to do is stand around and wait for Iverson to get settled in isolation during your half-court sets.  It will be fortunate if Iverson gave up the ball, and he did so only under duress.  That is a bad combination for his teammates.

They need their shots too, primarily for their self-respect as players, but more shots also mean more opportunities to score, and therefore a chance to score a better payday.  Good luck on keeping them effective and happy at the same time.  So - hello and goodbye Jerry Stackhouse, Glenn Robinson, Tim Thomas, Toni Kukoc, Keith Van Horn, Chris Webber.  Did I miss someone?

So as his abilities started to decline Iverson became an even bigger problem.  He could no longer produce, but he still had the same tendencies, and was a growing liability at defense as well.  Iverson started as the point man, but because he was such a ball hog he was shifted to the shooting guard position, for which he was undersized.  Opponents could not only shoot over him, they can just body him up to bother his shots or for them to get off theirs.

Mirrored, Darkly

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves." - James Allen

Day 3 of this new regime is coming up roses like the last two - I am rather semi-somnolent from ingesting my last meal - in this case breaded fish fillet and sardine sotanghon (ode to pad thai, natch) and the free-flowing sense of consciousness is ready to drift away with the next downloaded treat from the Internet.  So far banging on the keyboard feels oddly rewarding for some reason, and I am afraid that I will make no sense once I get to the end.

It was a stressful day today.  Lots to do but not necessarily lots accomplished.  We have gotten moving on a lot of things, but not fast enough.  My sense of urgency meter is on, but only with the pilot light.  The full satisfying whoosh and whoop of a steady flame just aren't there yet.  All our best ambitions and emotions are mirrored darkly- it's very difficult to put in words like "nobility" and some other high meanings given the occasional tedium of the work and the transactional nature of our field.

Today's quote is a good one for me, and for all expatriates based in the Middle East.  Nobody wants to be left out of the list of recipients of increments.  No one wants to come out a loser come the day when everybody else receives some form of reward from the Company.  The funny thing, it isn't so much whether the reward is deserved, it's that others are getting something.

My sense of justice is somewhat rubbed at this juncture.  Nobody gets a free pass at anything.  You want something?  Go out and earn it.  It isn't going to be given to you.  Second thought, of course, is that getting something you don't deserve through shortcuts is the surest way to lose your way.  Getting rewards because you happen to be somebody's friend or somebody's relative is the number one shortcut.

The Posts On Which You Stand

"Never commit your team unless you are confident your team will support your decision." - Christopher Avery, Ph.D.

The simplest way I could explain this statement is this:  keep your decision-making process transparent as much as you can.  If you plan to play your cards close to your chest, make sure that you are prepared to do the things you would rather not do.  Because if others won't, somebody has to, and if you are the one bringing the change, you can only convince others to do the same if you are the first volunteer.

The second thing is that for certain things, letting the team come to a decision is sometimes more important than making the decision itself.  Of course, no leader or manager would allow his group to go around with no one at the reins guiding the way.  My experience in volunteer organizations has taught me this: no commitment is stronger than one reached by the members together.  There may be times one has to cajole, exhort, or leave subtle signs, but in the end, only buy-in will secure the commitment to a course of action.  In the corporate world it would be the rare few who would stick their neck out, so reaching a group decision is not that easily forged as it should be, even though the forms of "votes" are often practiced.  

When the vote does come, it normally comes as a form of lower agreement, voting for that which is least disagreeable.  Much like the United Nations, don't expect committees in this part of the world accomplishing something unless there is some form of benevolent dictatorship going on.

It cannot be avoided at times that in place of consensus a leader must make decisions because of necessity or urgency.  The most commonplace example is that when a father has to make a career move, everyone else around him is affected.  Funny that I should think about that since the Arab leadership and management models are mainly based on paternalism.  Every time I attend a leadership or management conference, one pervasive thought is to how to best handle the "needs" of  employees as if they were babes in a wood and could not decide for themselves.  In a sense, with the wide demarcation between "labor" and "management" the mindset becomes the reality in practice.

Yawn. But Good News Still.

Celtics beat Miami

Rajon Rondo is out for the season, which may be a good thing.  I'm decided - if trading Rondo brings in a big man with youth and upside it should be done.  He is not going to lead this team, or any team, to a championship.  They should have done Rondo for Westbrook when they had the chance.  Now?  Hmm.

Look up, Buddy Holly

"Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude." -- Zig Ziglar

In honor of the occasion of ... nothing, it would be apropos to preface this entire process to which I am trying to commit myself.  Instead of offering words of wisdom, why not offer words of... love?  I will attempt to post at least once a day, reflecting on a piece of truth.  In this fashion, I force myself to revisit my passion for writing, and then unburden myself of whatever it is that is troubling me at the end of each day.  Let's see if I  a) stay honest even just to myself as to what I am going to say and b) muster enough effort to see if I can actually do this.

I am in a bit of a classic rock mood at the moment, so I raise my glass to that pioneer of guitar-paced rock, Buddy Holly.  So here goes.

I can't pretend I'm any smarter than the people who pour forth these words of wisdom, so I'll just offer my take on what these words mean in my context.

First off, I would like to give props to Novak Djokovic for winning his third consecutive Australian Open tennis title.  This is the first time a man was able to do this in the Open era.

By no means am I a fan of Nole, but one has to tip the hat to him.  He has kept himself consistent, fit, and focused for a long stretch of tennis competition, which in this era has become more highly competitive than ever.  Perhaps only Pete Sampras or Roger Federer can claim to the same kind of consistency for a prolonged period of time.  Well, there is the brilliance of Rafael Nadal, who has struggled with his fitness over the past three years.   More on them.

Skyfold

I would like to close my eyes, pretend I am on a plane, snugly strapped in, and the PA announcements are just finished ... thank you for flying with us, and see you in your future journeys.

Then the plane makes its final descent, the tires burn against the runway, and before I open my eyes, the different kind of quiet that pervades my inner space interrupts, and I am awake.

I am still in my bedroom, semi-frozen, alone.

Realization comes that further introspection may prove to be of less help than it should, but then, so what?  So says Don Juan de Marco, there are only four questions of value in life:

"What is sacred?  Of what is the spirit made?

"What is worth living for ---- and what is worth dying for?" 

His answer, as I mumble in reflex while watching the movie, is love.

It isn't corny at all, and the more I think about it, my apprehension disappears.  Yes, the hard life snaps at my tiller.  Sometimes my confidence gets shaken.  Yet I must keep in mind that I am the helmsman now, as it should have been clear to me years past.

I miss my family dearly.  It should be, and it will be, until I choose to end this exile.  I tried sometime back but it wouldn't take.  Too much to do.  Too awful to contemplate surrender.

Let the next year come, and the next, and the next.  What the sky can hold, that is how much I am ready to lay down before my ticker says, no more.

One more year, one more year.  Onward, that I may encompass not only thousandfold, but skyfold (a word and a pun of my invention) the hopes and dreams of those whom I love.

Not Yet After, But It Is

Willing Exile: Just Hangin'

If there's a way I can gift-wrap this message for a particular someone, I would.  But then again, what I mean to reach one person may just end up being misinterpreted by someone else.  I'd like to be known yet still unseen, not much unlike Lionel Richie in Hello, only not as creepy.

It gets tiresome to sweet-lemon the result when there is so much residual bitterness.  Intellectually I am aware of this feeling of never fully letting go, but emotionally it is still there.  And I don't like to pretend that the feeling isn't affecting me.  It does.  Because the feeling, because of the choices surrounding it, encompass my whole life as it stands right now.

No, no more positive spin for this right now.  I'd like the feeling to sear into me and leave its mark.  Only then can I let it go and try, as best as I can, to move on.

I'm not begging to be pitied.  In fact, I don't even care for acceptance or understanding.  I just want to say what I would like to say, and then I hope that will be the end of this.

Glee'd

In a few minutes, standard Arabian time, it will be the 22nd of December 2012.

It isn't an important date by any means, not to me at least.  Tomorrow will just be another day here in Saudi Arabia, another cold day in Riyadh in a succession of very cold days.  I am not making a reference to all of the millennial talk, to the "end of days," or some other facsimile of signs that the Apocalypse is upon us, namely the passing of the Reproductive Health Bill in the Philippines.  Hardly made a dent in world consciousness.

I am glad that life continues on giving, and giving, and giving.  Whatever the impetus, new life comes forth and within that moment of tenderness, of vulnerability, one finds all the reasons needed to live.  As for death, it is always unwelcome, whether in the ICU or on bullet-riddled, blood-stained kindergarten walls.

It is awe-inspiring that the cycle of life continues even with all the dumb mistakes we humans commit everyday.  While we have reduced Evil to a small "e"  I am very thankful that even with all the buttons waiting to be pressed for a worldwide conflagration, cooler heads have managed to hold onto the tiller.  At least for now.  Every time I see a video or a picture of children growing up, even though they are not my own, I am grateful for time's passage and the blessings these children have made possible to their families.  It hurts me, it pains me that any one of them has to face a moment of privation.

It is therefore bewildering that for all of our aspirations to virtue, only we have the capacity to be inhuman to ourselves.  How, instead of teaching future generations how to live, love, and learn, we are teaching them to hate, maim, and discriminate.

Out of all this bleakness, it is not unreasonable that one learning we can take out of this is that the best intentions aren't enough.  Loving and cherishing one's family is not enough if the primacy of the family means oppressing other families.  Learning and developing new skills must not prescribe that others not as popular should be excluded.  Celebrating one's personhood means also appreciating others, especially those people whom we find so different from ourselves.

It is also not unreasonable that we prepare ourselves by being fooled by this season of glee to expect that somebody else will be doing the hard work, the pedal-pushing, the small sacrifices. We can dream of good things for everyone, just like ol' John Lennon says (bless his soul), but we can't stay dreamers forever.  It is time to wake up and do something.

Merry Christmas.

Lowest Common Denominator

This particular post is dedicated to the extension of the Obama presidency.  I should have posted this in the past few days but my computer conked out on me and I lost the will to live.  Literally.  A few days later, I am viewing this screen from a replacement computer and the post is still waiting to be finished.

I know I should be reading more opinions from other people before launching one of my own, but I can't help but link the success of Obama's re-election to the surprise results of the 2010 Joseph Estrada candidacy.  I'm not a particular fan of President Obama's politics but he played his cards correctly - keep things going despite opposition, push here and there to do something meaningful, try to generate some traction in Congress despite not having the upper hand in either the House or Senate.  Whatever failures he had is a not an overall failure of his leadership - it is simply a function of having Republicans and Democrats have at it on a regular basis.

In short, let us give him the benefit of the doubt - just as the American people chose to re-elect Dubya in 2004.  He still has the same contentious Congress with him, so good luck.

As I mentioned earlier, I am not an Obama fan, and were it not for the outright hypocrisy practiced by the Clintons in their marriage of convenience, I'd be singing paeans to Hillary Clinton.  In 2008, Obama getting elected was a revolution of the youth and the formerly less-heard sectors of society - with social media and new forms of expression, previously less-influential sectors armed themselves accordingly. In 2012, he played the "us-against-them" card so well against the Establishment his "favored" constituencies came out and saved the day.

Now, Mitt Romney must have been a skillful businessman to reach his current state, but he failed to counter one of the most important rules in politics - the rule of the lowest common denominator.

Resurrection

I have given some thought to finally retire this blog.  After all, who would want to read about the inner life of someone who has just recently turned into a forty-something?

Sometime back, I had this secret wish that someone out there would read the thoughts I put down here and find in me a kindred soul.  Tough luck.  It's a Catch-22 situation, anyhow, you either put yourself a little too mildly or disinterestedly few people will care, or so far out there people will think you are a freak.  Hey, I'd like a little public affirmation once in a while, but too much attention will make me sick.

Therein lies the dilemma.

There is also this aesthetic side of getting my writing back on track.  I need a new muse, a new inspiration.  For some reason, I have felt less urgency in my craft over the past few months.  Mind you, it is not for lack of time - far from it.  No energy, no focus in whatever original thoughts I have been putting away in the back of my mind.  I wouldn't know whether to abandon this ambition altogether.  One more try, one more attempt to stop backsliding.  Looks like a Sisyphean feat.  Good luck to me.

So, what's been happening to me?  Took a forty-day furlough in the Philippines and the wisest decision I made was this: Be still.  Sure, I would like to settle all the pending issues in my life - finding a life partner, projecting my career trajectory, working to ensure I reach that trajectory, estate planning for my finances, etc.  They will happen soon enough.  All I want to do right now is BE.

Landfall

The new week opens with me starting work at my second location in Riyadh.  I am not so enthused about this part of my deal, I have just gotten used to my working in my current place (and having my own office to boot, too).

But in any case, I have no illusions about this new deal.  It's the same as the old one.  I just hope I will bring whatever I can into this process and help contribute to the emerging professionalization of this outfit.

Organizations have their own ebbs and flows but the more different they are in many aspects the more the same they are substantially.  Whatever the concerns of the people are, they will want to sail away from roiling waters and find safe haven as soon as possible.  All it takes, then, is resolute leadership to hold the tiller.  I never thought of my role as the helmsman - the navigator, yes, but not the helmsman.  Not yet.

So, the objective is landfall.  Safe travels are not guaranteed.  The storm watch is on.

Winning

"I don't know if I practiced more than anybody, but I sure practiced enough. I still wonder if somebody - somewhere - was practicing more than me."

"A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals."

"I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end."

     - Larry Bird, NBA MVP (1984-86), 
       1998 NBA Coach of the Year 
       NBA champion Boston Celtics ('81, '84, '86)

Listen Christian

Just a small reminder to me on this Holy Week, a poem attributed to Bob Rowland, and in itself inspired by verses in Matthew 25.  A few years back, while I was doing work for La Salle Lipa High School, I translated the poem to Filipino to better reach my audience.  With props to my friend Robert (and not a slouch in Filipino himself), who was the first person to deliver it in public.  A little rewrites here to modernize the language, but here it is.

We waste too much time on the details of rightness when out there somebody is asking for our help right here, right now.

(Sidelight:  Don't watch "The Descendants" alone.  See it with a loved one.  It can be downright depressing, as I found out last night.  I'm not ashamed - I cried buckets.)

Nagugutom ako

at bumuo ka ng samahang pantao

at tinalakay ang aking pagkagutom.

Salamat.

Nakakulong ako

at dahan-dahan kang lumakad

papunta sa kapilya mo sa silong

at ipinagdasal ang pagpapalaya sa akin.

Hubad ako,

at sa iyong isipan

ay pinagtaluhan mo pa ang moralidad ng aking hitsura.

Mayroon akong sakit

At lumuhod ka at nagpasalamat sa Diyos

para sa iyong kalusugan.

Wala akong tahanan

at sinermonan mo ako tungkol sa

silong-pangkaluluwa ng pag-ibig ng Diyos.

Nangungulila ako at iniwan mo akong nag-iisa

upang manalangin para sa akin.

Mukhang kang napakabanal,

at napakalapit sa Diyos.

Subalit gutom na gutom pa rin ako,

at nangungulila,

at nilalamig.

Saan napunta ang lahat ng iyong mga dasal?

Ano ang nagawa nila?

Ano ang ikabubuti sa isang tao

na buklatin ang kanyang aklat ng pagdarasal

kung ang buong daigdig

ay dumaraing ng saklolo sa kanya?

Slowed, and some other Things

Slowed by the steady stream of work.  Not enjoyable in some sense but overall I am glad.  The year is going by very fast and soon enough it's time for vacation.

I have finally gotten around to reading "Towers of Midnight," Book 13 of the Wheel of Time.  Kudos to Brandon Sanderson.  He has managed to translate the compelling narrative of Robert Jordan in his own words, and yet magically capturing the tone of the earlier books of the series.  It is not the same cant the maestro ended up with (Book 11, Crossroads of Twilight, was begging to be snuffed out), but it is the flavor fans have been wanting to savor for some time.  Nice to read it in hardback, thanks to Jarir for knocking off the price.

"A Dance With Dragons" is up.  Never apprehensive in picking up George R.R. Martin.  Don't want to spoil anything for the prospective readers, so I will stay quiet about the book.  Prologue so well-written I got sucked in very quickly.

It's a comfort to get back into old habits.  Nine months into my tenure here and it feels like I've given birth to something better for myself.  Nice to get into fighting mood by firing broadsides at people who are overzealous on posting political links on FB.  But then, no.  Wouldn't add anything substantive to the discussion, except this:

1) If anyone is innocent until proven guilty, it stands to reason that anyone can be therefore charged and tried before a court of his peers.  We are not killing democracy by trying CJ Corona.  In the first place, we already shot ourselves in the foot by electing those senators and congressmen who are participating in the trial.

2) The eminence of Juan Ponce Enrile should be expected.  The guy is as old as the Sierra Madre Mountains, them mountains he and his family have denuded in the past 50 years.  Don't give him extra points for something he should have known for being in public service for at least 50 years.

3) Anyone claiming anything new about scandals of the Aquinos and Cojuangcos better brush up on their history.  We already knew that, and people still elected Cory, because she promised to dismantle the mechanism of Martial Law.  Exchanging Marcos and his crowd with the Aquinos and their crowd was simply that, an exchange of leaders with no visible difference except the promise of "democracy." That is why many middle-class people during that period straddled the fence, or stuck it out with Marcos.

Still, if you were there, or lived during the Edsa 1 times, which would you prefer - the "stability" of Martial Law or the chaos brought about by democracy?  Yeah,  I didn't have to ask that question.  Be glad of what was restored, and exercise your right to speak more responsibly.

As for the Cory revisionists who declare her all to be a saint - be wary of history's lessons as well.  TIME named her its "Woman of the Year" in 1986, only to call her government "one of the most corrupt in Asia" in 1990.  There were growing pains - a lot of them.

By the way, anybody with an advertising background can come up with drivel and still call it a history lesson.  (No use to link to that viral video on YouTube).  Egads, use your brains!