I am in an unfortunate position of having to cram for something I should have done some time past. But if it gets me back into some semblance of fire for the job, then so be it. Lately I have noticed I have been going through the motions. It gets things done, but it's not the same. And I want to believe in what I am doing. Because without it, this whole existence becomes more unbearable.
It's been two weeks since I have returned from my vacation. Manila remains beautiful, flawed, frustrating, and addictive. I refer to her not only for the geographical location but also for the life that happens there. I love being there, but for the immediate future, I need to be here. This year, I've divided my vacation into two parts so I can put some priorities in order. And I'm not surprised that things went down as they should.
I cannot encapsulate the world I have left into one big treat. Relationships take time, and I can only devote what I can give to those which are most important to me. I tried to give some time to new kinds of friends, or open the prospects for a relationship, and for some reason they never even panned out. They never even occurred. It's still on me for not trying harder. And somewhere inside me, I know I can. It's just that I lack the courage to let my heart burst for caring too much.
I'm old. I've been beaten down by this. However, I refuse to give up caring. In my job it's hard to keep on doing it and coping with the reality of expatriate life in Saudi Arabia. I look into someone's eyes and I know I've been there. I can only offer sympathies.
For us to bounce back, we have to suck up the hurt and keep on dreaming that someday all this would mean something. Maybe we're kidding ourselves, but we have to believe that this separation adds more value to the lives of the people we love. That is enough. That is more than enough.
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Not Yet After, But It Is
Willing Exile: Just Hangin'
If there's a way I can gift-wrap this message for a particular someone, I would. But then again, what I mean to reach one person may just end up being misinterpreted by someone else. I'd like to be known yet still unseen, not much unlike Lionel Richie in Hello, only not as creepy.
It gets tiresome to sweet-lemon the result when there is so much residual bitterness. Intellectually I am aware of this feeling of never fully letting go, but emotionally it is still there. And I don't like to pretend that the feeling isn't affecting me. It does. Because the feeling, because of the choices surrounding it, encompass my whole life as it stands right now.
No, no more positive spin for this right now. I'd like the feeling to sear into me and leave its mark. Only then can I let it go and try, as best as I can, to move on.
I'm not begging to be pitied. In fact, I don't even care for acceptance or understanding. I just want to say what I would like to say, and then I hope that will be the end of this.
If there's a way I can gift-wrap this message for a particular someone, I would. But then again, what I mean to reach one person may just end up being misinterpreted by someone else. I'd like to be known yet still unseen, not much unlike Lionel Richie in Hello, only not as creepy.
It gets tiresome to sweet-lemon the result when there is so much residual bitterness. Intellectually I am aware of this feeling of never fully letting go, but emotionally it is still there. And I don't like to pretend that the feeling isn't affecting me. It does. Because the feeling, because of the choices surrounding it, encompass my whole life as it stands right now.
No, no more positive spin for this right now. I'd like the feeling to sear into me and leave its mark. Only then can I let it go and try, as best as I can, to move on.
I'm not begging to be pitied. In fact, I don't even care for acceptance or understanding. I just want to say what I would like to say, and then I hope that will be the end of this.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Oxygen Break
A sound is meaningless if there is no one around to hear it. In like way, no love can be called true unless it is shared.
(Sigh). All my brain can come up with right now is one-liners.
In other news, "Spartacus: Vengeance" is filling up my hours. Watched the first five episodes, and I figure they are milking the same themes from the two previous series. Crixus is the lover denied (as Spartacus was), while Glaber is the ambitious Roman (replacing Batiatus). Spartacus is no longer a human being; he is merely a force of nature. His already paper-thin character has even been sliced more finely from cardboard to wrapping paper. No inner conflicts there, just a quote machine on the nature of freedom.
Wouldn't want to ruin it for the fans who haven't started on the series, but one thing is for sure - the violence is gratuitous, excessive even. Designed for the lowest common denominator.
There goes my oxygen break.
(Sigh). All my brain can come up with right now is one-liners.
In other news, "Spartacus: Vengeance" is filling up my hours. Watched the first five episodes, and I figure they are milking the same themes from the two previous series. Crixus is the lover denied (as Spartacus was), while Glaber is the ambitious Roman (replacing Batiatus). Spartacus is no longer a human being; he is merely a force of nature. His already paper-thin character has even been sliced more finely from cardboard to wrapping paper. No inner conflicts there, just a quote machine on the nature of freedom.
Wouldn't want to ruin it for the fans who haven't started on the series, but one thing is for sure - the violence is gratuitous, excessive even. Designed for the lowest common denominator.
There goes my oxygen break.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Worldwide Export
OFW remittances hit record $20B
Just firing up the stove for another gasbag of opinion.
As an expatriate Filipino, instead of giving me a bigger sense of pride, it is giving me a greater sense of disappointment.
I am not saying "nay" to overseas employment. Like free trade in goods and services, there should be freedom in the movement of natural persons to seek employment. Filipinos, by virtue of our natural resilience and eagerness to succeed (yes, our English is considerably better than those of other nationals. But that advantage is fast disappearing, thanks to declining standards and poorer comprehension in today's graduates. End of long parenthetical thought), are uniquely prepared to compete in the global environment. A significant amount of the world's seafarers are Filipinos. Many of the drillers and other technical workers in the Gulf oil industry are Filipinos. Filipino engineers are unnamed heroes in the transformation of this region, as highways, seaports, airports, water and power installations, factories, and commercial buildings have been built with Filipino technical expertise in their design and construction. One can see Arab names in the headlines, but the significant contributions have been made by Filipinos and other expatriates.
I cannot say "nay" to overseas Filipino employment because my being employed in Saudi Arabia is paying our family's bills, as overseas employment sustains the lives of millions of Filipinos. Our country's Gross National Product is dependent on remittances, and if anything, expatriate contributions have kept the economy stable and that our country has sufficient reserves of foreign currency.
I cannot say "nay" because throughout the political and economic turmoils that have afflicted the country, the region, and worldwide, our country has not gone under. Remittances are our economic anchor.
It's just that because of this economic anchor, government policy has not been sufficiently progressive in addressing the key issues ailing our economy. What makes matters worse is that of creating an environment conducive for expatriates to return to the country for retirement, the result is just the opposite.
Just firing up the stove for another gasbag of opinion.As an expatriate Filipino, instead of giving me a bigger sense of pride, it is giving me a greater sense of disappointment.
I am not saying "nay" to overseas employment. Like free trade in goods and services, there should be freedom in the movement of natural persons to seek employment. Filipinos, by virtue of our natural resilience and eagerness to succeed (yes, our English is considerably better than those of other nationals. But that advantage is fast disappearing, thanks to declining standards and poorer comprehension in today's graduates. End of long parenthetical thought), are uniquely prepared to compete in the global environment. A significant amount of the world's seafarers are Filipinos. Many of the drillers and other technical workers in the Gulf oil industry are Filipinos. Filipino engineers are unnamed heroes in the transformation of this region, as highways, seaports, airports, water and power installations, factories, and commercial buildings have been built with Filipino technical expertise in their design and construction. One can see Arab names in the headlines, but the significant contributions have been made by Filipinos and other expatriates.
I cannot say "nay" to overseas Filipino employment because my being employed in Saudi Arabia is paying our family's bills, as overseas employment sustains the lives of millions of Filipinos. Our country's Gross National Product is dependent on remittances, and if anything, expatriate contributions have kept the economy stable and that our country has sufficient reserves of foreign currency.
I cannot say "nay" because throughout the political and economic turmoils that have afflicted the country, the region, and worldwide, our country has not gone under. Remittances are our economic anchor.
It's just that because of this economic anchor, government policy has not been sufficiently progressive in addressing the key issues ailing our economy. What makes matters worse is that of creating an environment conducive for expatriates to return to the country for retirement, the result is just the opposite.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Regretting that Decision...
Prudentialife Plans halts selling, payments to clients
... to invest in another pension plan. I didn't trust pre-need then, I still don't now. The rules of the game when it came to financial institutions were all turned topsy-turvy by the crash of 2008. Apparently whatever shocks that were weathered before still have remnants to make an effect.
Also, I wouldn't be surprised if politics has something to do with this latest fiasco.
There goes my P500,000 premium (sob, as in sunnava...!)
... to invest in another pension plan. I didn't trust pre-need then, I still don't now. The rules of the game when it came to financial institutions were all turned topsy-turvy by the crash of 2008. Apparently whatever shocks that were weathered before still have remnants to make an effect.
Also, I wouldn't be surprised if politics has something to do with this latest fiasco.
There goes my P500,000 premium (sob, as in sunnava...!)
Monday, February 06, 2012
Neglect
I didn't mean to leave you alone. But I did.
Blame torrents and other mindless joys. Blame a harder working schedule. Mostly, blame a cheap fellow who doesn't want to pay more for personal internet access.
Hard to regain momentum on this. But I will try.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Neighbors
One of the few times I felt harassed while living in Saudi Arabia happened earlier tonight. While it may be par for the course for some other people, this is not the way I envision living in Saudi Arabia would be.
My colleague and I were bothered by a gathering of pre-adolescent Saudis outside my home. Normally I ignore these groups of youngsters and stay away a good distance to avoid any unpleasantness. Today, (well, tonight, actually), however, they gathered in front of my building on some kind of bonding thing. They could do that all they want, but I as sure wouldn't want to be around when they are there.
It just so happens there is an abandoned work site almost facing our building on the other side of the street. These kids gather there and look for something to do - because life otherwise for them offers nothing new. In the land of so much wealth, many of these kids end up poor.
When we first made the turn we saw almost a dozen kids gathered in front of the house, and my instinct for self-preservation - the same which makes me want to avoid crowded places - rang out a strong alarm. Incidentally, we have no street lights on our corner and our house has a very small fluorescent lamp on our front stoop. My colleague, who was driving, asked if we should stop and I said, keep on going. We turned a corner and saw another car in our rear-view mirror make a stop at the house.
After we made another turn (less than two minutes) it was put-up-or-shut-up. My colleague had to pick up his daughter from the sitter and then his wife from her place of work, and I had no more excuses to prolong the wait since it was almost Isha prayer and soon every one will either run toward the mosque or away from it.
When we first made the turn we saw almost a dozen kids gathered in front of the house, and my instinct for self-preservation - the same which makes me want to avoid crowded places - rang out a strong alarm. Incidentally, we have no street lights on our corner and our house has a very small fluorescent lamp on our front stoop. My colleague, who was driving, asked if we should stop and I said, keep on going. We turned a corner and saw another car in our rear-view mirror make a stop at the house.
After we made another turn (less than two minutes) it was put-up-or-shut-up. My colleague had to pick up his daughter from the sitter and then his wife from her place of work, and I had no more excuses to prolong the wait since it was almost Isha prayer and soon every one will either run toward the mosque or away from it.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Ooomph.
This story could have been about me, under slightly different circumstances, just a few years back. Here I was talking about temperance and the first thing to put under control is eating.
Anyhow, I found some of the comments more interesting and no doubt not everybody wants to troll on these kinds of pages, just to share an opinion. Funny how we could have an opinion about everything and then choose to ignore the right of others to express their own. Just a thing with this "information age" - too much information, not enough discernment. And this isn't even a fingernail's worth to all of the other comments and tweets about everything that is happening.
Maybe it would be nice to turn it off. If only I could.
Anyhow, I found some of the comments more interesting and no doubt not everybody wants to troll on these kinds of pages, just to share an opinion. Funny how we could have an opinion about everything and then choose to ignore the right of others to express their own. Just a thing with this "information age" - too much information, not enough discernment. And this isn't even a fingernail's worth to all of the other comments and tweets about everything that is happening.
Maybe it would be nice to turn it off. If only I could.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Stakes
Interesting that the word "stake" - even with its various contexts - purports to some form of action being taken. Staking a claim. Playing for high stakes. Drive the stake through the ground.
I've had an off week - I know this because I know I underperformed on my old standard. Part of it is some stress from last week, I would surmise. But mostly it's because my passport is missing and my residence permit (iqama) has not been processed.
I am in a whole boatload of trouble, if things don't get resolved quickly - at the very least, our people should find my passport. This incident is part of the sickness that ails this company - still, I wouldn't go so far as condemn the whole building for a few rotting walls.
Or would I? Should I?
So now this game has even raised its stakes - the better I get, the more challenges I have to hurdle. And keep on hurdling. Also, have to drive a tough stake into my indolent hide.
Ouch.
I've had an off week - I know this because I know I underperformed on my old standard. Part of it is some stress from last week, I would surmise. But mostly it's because my passport is missing and my residence permit (iqama) has not been processed.
I am in a whole boatload of trouble, if things don't get resolved quickly - at the very least, our people should find my passport. This incident is part of the sickness that ails this company - still, I wouldn't go so far as condemn the whole building for a few rotting walls.
Or would I? Should I?
So now this game has even raised its stakes - the better I get, the more challenges I have to hurdle. And keep on hurdling. Also, have to drive a tough stake into my indolent hide.
Ouch.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
End of Discussion
Sometimes, doing the wrong thing earns you some amount of fame. Up to you if you call it wanted or unwanted publicity.
I insulated myself from much of outside news these past few weeks so I could bring myself to concentrate on work. Pinoy netizens were all agog about a student's essay on the English language. Worth the furor? Hardly. What is more revealing is that the Manila Bulletin mutilated itself by removing it from its servers.
I don't know Mr. Soriano personally - maybe in person he is respectful, refined, keenly observant, and boringly likeable. Maybe that is why his lack of intellectual depth is coddled by a content-hungry site like the Manila Bulletin. His article has enough candor and self-deprecation that it actually hooks the unattentive reader into his premise - English is important because it is essential to success and worldwide discourse; Filipino is our identity and we have trampled all over it, and we have to use it to survive in our own country whose masses are less educated for not being able to converse in English. Feel guilty for not being able to speak well in Filipino, but be thankful that you're a good English speaker.
I insulated myself from much of outside news these past few weeks so I could bring myself to concentrate on work. Pinoy netizens were all agog about a student's essay on the English language. Worth the furor? Hardly. What is more revealing is that the Manila Bulletin mutilated itself by removing it from its servers.
I don't know Mr. Soriano personally - maybe in person he is respectful, refined, keenly observant, and boringly likeable. Maybe that is why his lack of intellectual depth is coddled by a content-hungry site like the Manila Bulletin. His article has enough candor and self-deprecation that it actually hooks the unattentive reader into his premise - English is important because it is essential to success and worldwide discourse; Filipino is our identity and we have trampled all over it, and we have to use it to survive in our own country whose masses are less educated for not being able to converse in English. Feel guilty for not being able to speak well in Filipino, but be thankful that you're a good English speaker.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Move It. Move In.
I'm moving. Yes I'm moving.
I've been saying this for the last thirteen days and yet nothing has happened.
I have finally equipped my own flat - I don't have everything yet, but I do have enough for my bedroom - except that I don't feel like moving in.
Work has been the center of my small universe and somehow it isn't the same when you close the doors and go home. I am squatting in a friend's flat - but I know this wouldn't last forever. I have to leave.
One of the reasons would probably have to do with the fact that my bathroom isn't completely fitted after I replaced the toilet. I would have to get that finished ASAP. But being indolent when it comes to these matters I will probably procrastinate, again.
I am thoroughly enjoying Riyadh - there is a lot of charm in this city and I haven't gone around a lot yet. Never mind the malls, even though it would be great to walk around in free air-conditioning. But, as of yet, there is still no place where I would hang my hat and call home.
I've been saying this for the last thirteen days and yet nothing has happened.
I have finally equipped my own flat - I don't have everything yet, but I do have enough for my bedroom - except that I don't feel like moving in.
Work has been the center of my small universe and somehow it isn't the same when you close the doors and go home. I am squatting in a friend's flat - but I know this wouldn't last forever. I have to leave.
One of the reasons would probably have to do with the fact that my bathroom isn't completely fitted after I replaced the toilet. I would have to get that finished ASAP. But being indolent when it comes to these matters I will probably procrastinate, again.
I am thoroughly enjoying Riyadh - there is a lot of charm in this city and I haven't gone around a lot yet. Never mind the malls, even though it would be great to walk around in free air-conditioning. But, as of yet, there is still no place where I would hang my hat and call home.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Mr. Potatohead
I have lain back several times on my hotel bed in this short week. Being in control of the TV has been a bit of a new thing again, really. Mind you, I have been sort of a couch potato in Manila, though mostly not in front of the TV, but the PC. Watching the tube means I only get to watch what the others get to watch. That means anything my nephew was watching - Playhouse Disney (Disney Junior) Nickolodeon, Animal Planet, Disney Channel, or whatever educational DVD that is playing.
Watching TV here can get to be cloying, since local content is something I don't understand and international content is limited to movie re-runs or watching CNN, the latter of which isn't so bad but one can get heartburn from watching all the depressing news in the world. The hotel does not carry Filipino channels except some public announcement channel - either based in Kuwait or Dubai. Watching that kind of stuff felt quaint, like seeing the plays I produced (haha, even I would say that my work is less than satisfying, at least for me).
Getting back control of the TV? I was expecting to be wowed, as all couch potatoes would, even though secretly in the back of their minds they know they would be disappointed.
Yup, you guessed it. TV has officially become boring.
Now, if only the hotel could hook up wi-fi access in our rooms instead of just the lobby cafe...
Watching TV here can get to be cloying, since local content is something I don't understand and international content is limited to movie re-runs or watching CNN, the latter of which isn't so bad but one can get heartburn from watching all the depressing news in the world. The hotel does not carry Filipino channels except some public announcement channel - either based in Kuwait or Dubai. Watching that kind of stuff felt quaint, like seeing the plays I produced (haha, even I would say that my work is less than satisfying, at least for me).
Getting back control of the TV? I was expecting to be wowed, as all couch potatoes would, even though secretly in the back of their minds they know they would be disappointed.
Yup, you guessed it. TV has officially become boring.
Now, if only the hotel could hook up wi-fi access in our rooms instead of just the lobby cafe...
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Happy Returns
I shut down writing on this blog while I was in Manila. For those waiting on me to update on this space detailing my life in the Philippines, well, so sorry, this is supposed to be my expatriate blog, not a life journal (though of course it has been, like so, for a long time).
Facebook is the culprit. It has managed to make a mess of the long form of writing. It gives everybody a chance to express an opinion without thinking that stuff through. Fortunately for many, that is just enough for the kind of expression that they need.
I arrived in Saudi Arabia on Sunday morning around 3:00am local time, made my way out of the airport with six others who would join our company at 4:30am, and arrived at my temporary accommodation at around 5:00am. After a short nap and a shower, I immediately reported for work that same morning.
There is enough excitement in me to get started on my job, but I am realist enough to admit that this initial enthusiasm is not the best tool for me now. It should, naturally, fuel my drive while I am adjusting again to life in the Middle East. As with all things, excellence cannot be guaranteed by wishes and words, but must always be validated by action, day in and day out. I can occasionally let off the throttle to give me some rest, but I am ready to blaze some trails.
I won't be defined by my job. Perhaps my reluctance to do exactly so put in me a position to squander a lot of opportunities. I have put myself and others to grief for that - be that as it may, I have squeezed as much comfort and lessons to ensure that I will not be a cautionary tale. Some of the good I put into my life had made that possible, for which I am grateful.
For the next months, while I regain my bearings, I will aim for the job to define me.
There are no red shoes to wear, but in case I am lonely, I will close my eyes and tap my heels together three times, and think to myself, "There's no place like home..."
Keeping my fingers crossed.
Facebook is the culprit. It has managed to make a mess of the long form of writing. It gives everybody a chance to express an opinion without thinking that stuff through. Fortunately for many, that is just enough for the kind of expression that they need.
I arrived in Saudi Arabia on Sunday morning around 3:00am local time, made my way out of the airport with six others who would join our company at 4:30am, and arrived at my temporary accommodation at around 5:00am. After a short nap and a shower, I immediately reported for work that same morning.
There is enough excitement in me to get started on my job, but I am realist enough to admit that this initial enthusiasm is not the best tool for me now. It should, naturally, fuel my drive while I am adjusting again to life in the Middle East. As with all things, excellence cannot be guaranteed by wishes and words, but must always be validated by action, day in and day out. I can occasionally let off the throttle to give me some rest, but I am ready to blaze some trails.
I won't be defined by my job. Perhaps my reluctance to do exactly so put in me a position to squander a lot of opportunities. I have put myself and others to grief for that - be that as it may, I have squeezed as much comfort and lessons to ensure that I will not be a cautionary tale. Some of the good I put into my life had made that possible, for which I am grateful.
For the next months, while I regain my bearings, I will aim for the job to define me.
There are no red shoes to wear, but in case I am lonely, I will close my eyes and tap my heels together three times, and think to myself, "There's no place like home..."
Keeping my fingers crossed.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
I Survived
It's another rainy day here in Manila, one of many countless rainy days that characterize the All Saints/All Souls Days here in the Philippines. Apt that the world should weep while the souls of the dearly departed rest.
Restless could be the best way to describe how I feel. I wouldn't trade the Philippines for any other land - this is my own home soil - yet staying here makes me wish that I were far away.
It's been more than a month since I returned - I was planning to make a diary of sorts of my (mis)adventures in Manila since my return, but even that lost some of its appeal after some time. In the wake of misinformed posts on social networking media, getting into one's inner psyche for the appreciation of all isn't too healthy. If I wanted to do that, maybe I should launch my own reality show.
That being said, it still feels strange to be waking up each day in my own bed, whizzing into my own bowl, and easing into my own sofa watching cable from the TV I bought six years ago on my second electronics purchase in Saudi Arabia (the first being a handphone). Strange, but still very welcome, is the virtual omnipresence of moisture in the air, if not through the rain, through the humidity.
I MISSED MANILA. Not because there are people here who are very important to me, I literally miss the feel of being here. Of being home.
But now that I am here, isn't it ironic that I want to leave, again?
Restless could be the best way to describe how I feel. I wouldn't trade the Philippines for any other land - this is my own home soil - yet staying here makes me wish that I were far away.
It's been more than a month since I returned - I was planning to make a diary of sorts of my (mis)adventures in Manila since my return, but even that lost some of its appeal after some time. In the wake of misinformed posts on social networking media, getting into one's inner psyche for the appreciation of all isn't too healthy. If I wanted to do that, maybe I should launch my own reality show.
That being said, it still feels strange to be waking up each day in my own bed, whizzing into my own bowl, and easing into my own sofa watching cable from the TV I bought six years ago on my second electronics purchase in Saudi Arabia (the first being a handphone). Strange, but still very welcome, is the virtual omnipresence of moisture in the air, if not through the rain, through the humidity.
I MISSED MANILA. Not because there are people here who are very important to me, I literally miss the feel of being here. Of being home.
But now that I am here, isn't it ironic that I want to leave, again?
Thursday, July 29, 2010
It Isn't Just Enough to Mouth the Words
As I'm writing this piece today I am gently reminded by similar scenes at the close of each episode of "Doogie Howser, M.D." featuring Neil Patrick Harris. I am certain I don't have his IQ, but I would like to think that as an individual who has gone through life the normal (though at times, non-conformist) way, I'll have more mature sensibilities than him.
Or so I would like to believe.
Anyway, I have observed since the advent of more interactive social networking sites my capability to churn out blog entries has been clipped significantly. Gone are the links and other stuff I normally take note of. They're on Facebook. Gone are the smart-ish quotes (they've been posted as shout-outs.). Music videos? Jokes?
That irks me and disturbs me to some degree.
Yes, it's fun to have an audience out there, an audience which is helpless in chossing what stuff you are shoveling. In this case, we could be lucky if you one is some sort of internet maven who can look for unusual but interesting links. I have one such friend, though at times the posts are great and funny, they keep on coming in one after the other, as if the person cannot live without posting something. I'm not derisive, but in the minds of other people whose interests do not intersect, that could be sickening.
(Which reminds me, I'm so glad I've become my own censor since Facebook has become such a G-rated site, it could almost be called G-A-Y. No offense, everyone wants to be happy, right?)
There is that, so sometimes wishing for something gets you an unwanted surfeit of it.
How social networking has risen in the past few years has, for some reason, trivialized the whole process of communication. Our public selves have seemingly grown larger, but then again, our capacity to invent identities online also makes the process hollow.
Words are cheapened with all of this free communication.
It isn't just enough to mouth the words now, you have to think back whether you really mean them.
Or so I would like to believe.
Anyway, I have observed since the advent of more interactive social networking sites my capability to churn out blog entries has been clipped significantly. Gone are the links and other stuff I normally take note of. They're on Facebook. Gone are the smart-ish quotes (they've been posted as shout-outs.). Music videos? Jokes?
That irks me and disturbs me to some degree.
Yes, it's fun to have an audience out there, an audience which is helpless in chossing what stuff you are shoveling. In this case, we could be lucky if you one is some sort of internet maven who can look for unusual but interesting links. I have one such friend, though at times the posts are great and funny, they keep on coming in one after the other, as if the person cannot live without posting something. I'm not derisive, but in the minds of other people whose interests do not intersect, that could be sickening.
(Which reminds me, I'm so glad I've become my own censor since Facebook has become such a G-rated site, it could almost be called G-A-Y. No offense, everyone wants to be happy, right?)
There is that, so sometimes wishing for something gets you an unwanted surfeit of it.
How social networking has risen in the past few years has, for some reason, trivialized the whole process of communication. Our public selves have seemingly grown larger, but then again, our capacity to invent identities online also makes the process hollow.
Words are cheapened with all of this free communication.
It isn't just enough to mouth the words now, you have to think back whether you really mean them.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
It's Probably Me
It's almost too easy to deflect the semi-embarrassment that many people expect from me when they ask my age and then ask if I'm married.
No, I'm not married, I would say. There are a hundred different reasons (perhaps you can even say a thousand, if you like) why it is so, and if you choose to believe them, I can start a list. Of course the catch is if you would believe.
Some people just can't get away from expectations. What else is our purpose in life, they would say. Men who hold out being single as long as you have must be gay, are you sure you aren't?
And then comes the right question, to put it into perspective: Do you really want to get married? As if this were a rhetorical question that asks: Do you really want to be happy?
It could be called semi-tragic, but when I answer all these questions most people walk away with two conclusions:
1) That fellow is downright strange.
2) Hmmm. Too picky. He will die alone.
3) It won't be long before he admits he's gay.
Ehem, I seem to be jumping the gun here. If people would bother to listen, before they conclude anything about me, my state of being is simply explained.
(And before I start, since I'm writing parenthetically, there was a time that one of my uncles, in a drunken stupor, debated me on this subject. It was a good thing I wasn't drunk at the time. I could almost quote him word for word. But then, that would be unfair. Abusing drunks that way would be like stealing milk from a baby.)
I am myself, first and foremost, defined only by my BEING.
I am not just someone's son, brother, friend, enemy, employee, co-worker, fellow citizen. Hard as I may try to be someone's husband or life partner, right now I am not.
I am not because several series of choices brought me to this time of my life where I don't have a relationship. Some would say wrong timing. I, on the other hand, would admit that many a time, I had fallen into foolhardiness. Came on too strong too soon for one girl. Came on too weak, too little, or too late for another. Not altogether impossible to change direction, but not an easy task either.
I wish that there would be someone in my life right now, but my wishing won't make it so, and in the meantime, it would be rather stupid of me to wallow in self-pity over my state. I'm like the best friend in the movie who's loveable but for all the wrong reasons. Like Janis Ian, I learned the truth when I was seventeen.
And finally, it would be oh so very convenient to say that I'm gay. Makes life simpler, a lot easier to fall back and become a stereotype. Naturally that isn't fair to me nor is it wise to stereotype homosexuals. They too, have deeper reasons for who they are beyond the understood convention.
So no, I'm not gay. Not even close. Not even that I love showtunes, dig the theater, or appreciate art. Gay people don't have a monopoly on the things I like.
Which goes back full circle - certainly it would be great to be in a relationship, to have additional purpose. But since I am myself, my own being, I am not and will not be validated by a specific relationship.
Wouldn't it be great to have my life defined by one?
I don't know. In the past two years, even here, I've had my chances. But no, still no ring. If it's not other people, it's probably me.
And that's the heart of it - I am not ready. Yes, I have a character defect. No different from others who get married and cash in on all the cliches - including infidelity, marital violence, or abusing one's children. No different from others who embrace misery for the sake of filling the social obligations of a marriage. They picked their poison, and so did I.
For now, I'd rather take the sin of omission.
Being married is not a bad thing - but it is not a good thing to get into because of social pressure. It will happen in due course. I won't be in this state of mind forever, or maybe someone will come along and help me take the next step.
Until then, I am single. I survive.
No, I'm not married, I would say. There are a hundred different reasons (perhaps you can even say a thousand, if you like) why it is so, and if you choose to believe them, I can start a list. Of course the catch is if you would believe.
Some people just can't get away from expectations. What else is our purpose in life, they would say. Men who hold out being single as long as you have must be gay, are you sure you aren't?
And then comes the right question, to put it into perspective: Do you really want to get married? As if this were a rhetorical question that asks: Do you really want to be happy?
It could be called semi-tragic, but when I answer all these questions most people walk away with two conclusions:
1) That fellow is downright strange.
2) Hmmm. Too picky. He will die alone.
3) It won't be long before he admits he's gay.
Ehem, I seem to be jumping the gun here. If people would bother to listen, before they conclude anything about me, my state of being is simply explained.
(And before I start, since I'm writing parenthetically, there was a time that one of my uncles, in a drunken stupor, debated me on this subject. It was a good thing I wasn't drunk at the time. I could almost quote him word for word. But then, that would be unfair. Abusing drunks that way would be like stealing milk from a baby.)
I am myself, first and foremost, defined only by my BEING.
I am not just someone's son, brother, friend, enemy, employee, co-worker, fellow citizen. Hard as I may try to be someone's husband or life partner, right now I am not.
I am not because several series of choices brought me to this time of my life where I don't have a relationship. Some would say wrong timing. I, on the other hand, would admit that many a time, I had fallen into foolhardiness. Came on too strong too soon for one girl. Came on too weak, too little, or too late for another. Not altogether impossible to change direction, but not an easy task either.
I wish that there would be someone in my life right now, but my wishing won't make it so, and in the meantime, it would be rather stupid of me to wallow in self-pity over my state. I'm like the best friend in the movie who's loveable but for all the wrong reasons. Like Janis Ian, I learned the truth when I was seventeen.
And finally, it would be oh so very convenient to say that I'm gay. Makes life simpler, a lot easier to fall back and become a stereotype. Naturally that isn't fair to me nor is it wise to stereotype homosexuals. They too, have deeper reasons for who they are beyond the understood convention.
So no, I'm not gay. Not even close. Not even that I love showtunes, dig the theater, or appreciate art. Gay people don't have a monopoly on the things I like.
Which goes back full circle - certainly it would be great to be in a relationship, to have additional purpose. But since I am myself, my own being, I am not and will not be validated by a specific relationship.
Wouldn't it be great to have my life defined by one?
I don't know. In the past two years, even here, I've had my chances. But no, still no ring. If it's not other people, it's probably me.
And that's the heart of it - I am not ready. Yes, I have a character defect. No different from others who get married and cash in on all the cliches - including infidelity, marital violence, or abusing one's children. No different from others who embrace misery for the sake of filling the social obligations of a marriage. They picked their poison, and so did I.
For now, I'd rather take the sin of omission.
Being married is not a bad thing - but it is not a good thing to get into because of social pressure. It will happen in due course. I won't be in this state of mind forever, or maybe someone will come along and help me take the next step.
Until then, I am single. I survive.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
All Set for Overdrive
Nobody gonna take my head
I got speed inside my brain
Nobody gonna steal my head
Now that I'm on the road again
Oooh I'm in heaven again
I've got everything
Like a moving ground an open road
and everything
I love it and I need it
I seed it
Eight cylinders all mine
Alright hold on tight
I'm a highway star
--- Deep Purple, "Highway Star"
Yeah! Slot in the tape/CD/USB/iPod to the car stereo system and rev up the engine. My secret desire today is to drive a semi into the office of our government relations people and mow them down in one swift run-over. And if it isn't enough, back up a little and catch up on the stragglers.
I can't help it. I'm yearning to put my spirits on overdrive, and they're cramping my style. Seriously, they really are, but to give them the benefit, things aren't much in their control. On the other hand, most of them are doing so little to change the way they work.
Still, one learning I can pick up from here is that we often demand too much from others as opposed to giving ourselves a break when we fail. If we put the pedal to the metal, then we must do it for ourselves too.
Of course, the sneaky-dark feeling keeps on creeping up once and again. It's the fourth day of passport watch, and if I have to take the fifth I might seriously go "Jeremy" on these fellows. Yes, grasshoppers, run around and beg for your lives!
Scrunch, crunch.
I got speed inside my brain
Nobody gonna steal my head
Now that I'm on the road again
Oooh I'm in heaven again
I've got everything
Like a moving ground an open road
and everything
I love it and I need it
I seed it
Eight cylinders all mine
Alright hold on tight
I'm a highway star
--- Deep Purple, "Highway Star"
Yeah! Slot in the tape/CD/USB/iPod to the car stereo system and rev up the engine. My secret desire today is to drive a semi into the office of our government relations people and mow them down in one swift run-over. And if it isn't enough, back up a little and catch up on the stragglers.
I can't help it. I'm yearning to put my spirits on overdrive, and they're cramping my style. Seriously, they really are, but to give them the benefit, things aren't much in their control. On the other hand, most of them are doing so little to change the way they work.
Still, one learning I can pick up from here is that we often demand too much from others as opposed to giving ourselves a break when we fail. If we put the pedal to the metal, then we must do it for ourselves too.
Of course, the sneaky-dark feeling keeps on creeping up once and again. It's the fourth day of passport watch, and if I have to take the fifth I might seriously go "Jeremy" on these fellows. Yes, grasshoppers, run around and beg for your lives!
Scrunch, crunch.
Friday, February 05, 2010
Perspective
Well, this post must come in one way or another.
To our Lord in Heaven, I would like to say thank you for another day in this life. Another cycle has been completed, another year has been hurdled. Of course, it's just any ordinary day.
The world isn't any more special because I was born this day so many years ago. It was another day just like the others that we let pass through our lives.
Because we do. Sometimes, events awaken us and bother us to try and take stock of our existence. For some, it is observing the tides of history as they swirl back and forth and around the important figures in the life of our nation. For others, it is through the fortunes being made, about to be made, and soon to be lost in the world of commerce.
For others it is human achievement in the field of cooperation, in competition, and sometimes with both.
For most it is tragedy, whether direct and personal, or experiences lived vicariously in the lives of others.
My life, in perspective, is no more than the sum of experiences that come to bear on this moment, this reality. It can only be special because others make it so.
My mind tells me, intellectually, that some part of existence has made sense, that I should be glad that I am living the life that I am living now, that I am much more fortunate. I must have wasted more opportunities that life has made available for me than what has been available to others. And yet I am still here.
I am not dead. I am not ended. This life is not without purpose because today, and the past few months, have been personal lows. And yet, yes, I have to fight back my own tears welling up in me, of shame that I have not made the most of what I have been given, and of immense gratitiude that I have been given so much.
I celebrate the living that I have gone through and that others make me feel special and purposeful, even though at times it doesn't feel that way.
There were universes of regret that I went through when former President Aquino passed away. I smile at the people who belittle her contributions to the world stage; at the same time I squirm every time someone utters her name like a benediction.
This generation, my generation, must never forget what the first Edsa made possible --- that we are capable of coming together, inspiring one another, forgetting our self-serving agenda. That was the seed Cory Aquino planted. She tried her best to keep it going during her administration, but in the end, good intentions, and the desire to uproot or destroy the vestiges of dictatorship, are never enough.
The dream was there, but we woke up to something else. And for most, it was that the dream was betrayed, with epic fails at the Presidential Commission for Good Government, the flawed Comprehensive Agrarian Reform Law, numerous rightist coups, and the worst - that the mechanisms for oppression remained, only that new people were in the saddle.
For me, it was that the dream was fragile, and that like most people who had just broken out of jail, the prisoners savored freedom too much but did not want to take responsibility, or did not have the tools to do so.
I cried for Cory because I cried for that part of our nation's spirit that has been betrayed so many times, that, like a battered child, it knows no more than to batter back. But all that child needs is acceptance, and inspiration to believe. When we lifted the veil of mourning, that was the spirit waiting for another chance.
I hope this time Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas do something different. My cynicism derides my hope, but I can keep dreaming. So far, the "realists" have embraced the two-faced nature of Manny Villar, or the stolid business-as-usual stance of Gilbert Teodoro. Hmmm, yes, there are some attractions, but there isn't enough deodorant to go around to mask the stench of of decay and corruption.
All around the world, people have forgotten that it was we who made the banner of "people power" soar high. That many of the icons who rose during that period - Lech Walesa, Albert Fujimori, Vaclav Havel, Mikhail Gorbachev - have fallen short should remind us ideals do have a price, and to transform people it is not ideology, but integrity, that ensures success.
Harvey Dent in "The Dark Knight" says it so well- "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
We have witnessed how things went topsy-turvy when the so-called moral guardians found themselves eating crow when their Anointed One, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, just didn't turn out any more kosher than Erap - in fact, she was much more manipulative and Machiavellian than anyone expected. It was masterful and deliberate, the symmetry of her destruction has some appeal.
BREAK THE SEALS BREAK THE SEALS BREAK THE SEALS LET TARMON GAIDON COME!
When will we ever learn that the flow of history is against us, and without our own personal contribution, that tide will never be stanched.
I saw a Facebook post from one of my friends showing a YouTube video of "Banal na Aso, Santong Kabayo" by Yano which was filmed 15, 16 years back.
The generation that was ranting for change is the generation that is coming into leadership now. And that's us.
So what have we done so far?
Are we just mere witnesses? What happened to the optimism of "Yes We Can!" or the supposed sea change that was about to come? What now? Have we gotten too lazy, too jaded, to ever see that the light lit in the windy darkness, must now, more than ever, be protected against the forces of that darkness?
Where is the moral outrage now?
Just to put this world into its natural perspective.
And I still think my personal problems outweigh the world's.
To our Lord in Heaven, I would like to say thank you for another day in this life. Another cycle has been completed, another year has been hurdled. Of course, it's just any ordinary day.
The world isn't any more special because I was born this day so many years ago. It was another day just like the others that we let pass through our lives.
Because we do. Sometimes, events awaken us and bother us to try and take stock of our existence. For some, it is observing the tides of history as they swirl back and forth and around the important figures in the life of our nation. For others, it is through the fortunes being made, about to be made, and soon to be lost in the world of commerce.
For others it is human achievement in the field of cooperation, in competition, and sometimes with both.
For most it is tragedy, whether direct and personal, or experiences lived vicariously in the lives of others.
My life, in perspective, is no more than the sum of experiences that come to bear on this moment, this reality. It can only be special because others make it so.
My mind tells me, intellectually, that some part of existence has made sense, that I should be glad that I am living the life that I am living now, that I am much more fortunate. I must have wasted more opportunities that life has made available for me than what has been available to others. And yet I am still here.
I am not dead. I am not ended. This life is not without purpose because today, and the past few months, have been personal lows. And yet, yes, I have to fight back my own tears welling up in me, of shame that I have not made the most of what I have been given, and of immense gratitiude that I have been given so much.
I celebrate the living that I have gone through and that others make me feel special and purposeful, even though at times it doesn't feel that way.
There were universes of regret that I went through when former President Aquino passed away. I smile at the people who belittle her contributions to the world stage; at the same time I squirm every time someone utters her name like a benediction.
This generation, my generation, must never forget what the first Edsa made possible --- that we are capable of coming together, inspiring one another, forgetting our self-serving agenda. That was the seed Cory Aquino planted. She tried her best to keep it going during her administration, but in the end, good intentions, and the desire to uproot or destroy the vestiges of dictatorship, are never enough.
The dream was there, but we woke up to something else. And for most, it was that the dream was betrayed, with epic fails at the Presidential Commission for Good Government, the flawed Comprehensive Agrarian Reform Law, numerous rightist coups, and the worst - that the mechanisms for oppression remained, only that new people were in the saddle.
For me, it was that the dream was fragile, and that like most people who had just broken out of jail, the prisoners savored freedom too much but did not want to take responsibility, or did not have the tools to do so.
I cried for Cory because I cried for that part of our nation's spirit that has been betrayed so many times, that, like a battered child, it knows no more than to batter back. But all that child needs is acceptance, and inspiration to believe. When we lifted the veil of mourning, that was the spirit waiting for another chance.
I hope this time Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas do something different. My cynicism derides my hope, but I can keep dreaming. So far, the "realists" have embraced the two-faced nature of Manny Villar, or the stolid business-as-usual stance of Gilbert Teodoro. Hmmm, yes, there are some attractions, but there isn't enough deodorant to go around to mask the stench of of decay and corruption.
All around the world, people have forgotten that it was we who made the banner of "people power" soar high. That many of the icons who rose during that period - Lech Walesa, Albert Fujimori, Vaclav Havel, Mikhail Gorbachev - have fallen short should remind us ideals do have a price, and to transform people it is not ideology, but integrity, that ensures success.
Harvey Dent in "The Dark Knight" says it so well- "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."
We have witnessed how things went topsy-turvy when the so-called moral guardians found themselves eating crow when their Anointed One, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, just didn't turn out any more kosher than Erap - in fact, she was much more manipulative and Machiavellian than anyone expected. It was masterful and deliberate, the symmetry of her destruction has some appeal.
BREAK THE SEALS BREAK THE SEALS BREAK THE SEALS LET TARMON GAIDON COME!
When will we ever learn that the flow of history is against us, and without our own personal contribution, that tide will never be stanched.
I saw a Facebook post from one of my friends showing a YouTube video of "Banal na Aso, Santong Kabayo" by Yano which was filmed 15, 16 years back.
The generation that was ranting for change is the generation that is coming into leadership now. And that's us.
So what have we done so far?
Are we just mere witnesses? What happened to the optimism of "Yes We Can!" or the supposed sea change that was about to come? What now? Have we gotten too lazy, too jaded, to ever see that the light lit in the windy darkness, must now, more than ever, be protected against the forces of that darkness?
Where is the moral outrage now?
Just to put this world into its natural perspective.
And I still think my personal problems outweigh the world's.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Simple, But Not Really.
I'm sure many of you had that sick feeling of just having too much going on, you just want to shut down and stick your head somewhere like an ostrich in the sand. Well, that's how I felt about the past two weeks or so.
Sensor in my brain beeped loud and clear: INFORMATION OVERLOAD! Must shut down!
This whole Hayden-Katrina thing sends one clear message to the world about Filipinos - our concern about our public lives ain't worth no shit, please excuse the bad grammar. The sane things most people forget when they get into the discussion:
1) Private perversions, etc. --- If one wants to indulge in it, by all means get your partner to agree before going into it. Drugs, S&M, voyeurism, you name it, if you want to get into it, don't take unilateral action.
2) Public domain in private perversions --- Why the hell should we care? Unless...
3) Ethics in the public domain --- Hayden Kho, Jr. is a doctor and took the Hippocratic Oath. If he can't stay a decent person, he must, at least, for the sake of the profession, maintain the pretense of being one. Which leads us to the last premise...
4) Things that really matter "in aid of legislation" --- And investigations into the sordid sex lives of boy-toy cosmetic surgeons, the girls who become their thralls, their deluded mothers, or their Botoxed sugar mommies with aspirations to glory shouldn't be daily fare in our Senate. Thanks to the likes of Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada, the circus is in town. Makes the notion of ethics being synonymous with "Philippine Senate" becoming all the more absurd.
As for the so-called "victim" (who ends up the winner in this issue all around, outside of the tabloids and showbiz talk shows), Katrina Halili, I have one message for you - You go girl! If you want to hook up with any random dude with looks or money (preferably both, if I read you correctly), go do it! Screw your way to the top of the showbiz heap if you believe that's necessary. It sure sucks to be notorious (but someone has to do it, 'no?), but it's always a good substitute for achieving success with your rather limited talent.
In the meantime, Congress foists on the Filipino public the monstrosity that is the Constituent Assembly for Charter Change. An abomination so vile I will endorse its abortion if it were a fetus. Jamby hasn't exactly killed off Manny Villar's ambitions with the C-5 scam, but it sure looks like Ping Lacson's withdrawal has been secured with the threat of new investigations. Hmmm, he may not have actually lost here, being kingmaker sometimes beats being king...
Also lost is the fact that for all the good work being put in by our public sector doctors, the Department of Health isn't up to snuff in handling epidemics. Be glad that Influenza A(H1N1) isn't your superkiller, the uncontrolled spread in the past few days shows we don't have the ability to fight back the virus, only to contain it...
I'm glad sports makes up for the vacuousness of life. I wanted Man U win the UEFA Champions League, but Barca winning it, and in such overpowering fashion, is a great substitute.
I'm happy that Roger Federer finally got over the hump and won the French Open this year. It's not the same seeing him beat Robin Soderling in the final, but Soderling beat that cabron Nadal and that's what matters. Glad to see Djokovic getting wiped out early, that fellow needs to be put down a peg or two. Sorry that Roddick isn't cut out for clay, and like Tim Henman, is proof that nice guys somehow don't succeed as much as they should. On to Wimbledon, Roger!
I'm glad that the ho-hum way Tiger Woods is stamping his dominance on the sport is turning me off; sometimes you don't have to witness greatness, just living in its shadow (and besides, I really hate watching golf).
And finally, I find myself strangely cheering on the Lakers in the NBA Finals. Maybe it's true I like mean mofo-egomaniacs like Kobe (who, like Hayden, should be listed as a confirmed sex offender). Maybe I prefer Phil Jackson's sangfroid than Stan Van Gundy's self-deprecation (to be fair, I haven't seen self-deprecation done with so much self-centeredness other than Larry "Nomad" Brown).
Or maybe, deep inside, I hate seeing nice guys like Dwight Howard --- though, in fairness to me, his "niceness" seems more to be a put-on than real. No real nice guy throws his coach under the bus just to flex his "muscles" in the team's pecking order.
Because, maybe, in truth, there are not a whole too many nice guys left.
Sensor in my brain beeped loud and clear: INFORMATION OVERLOAD! Must shut down!
This whole Hayden-Katrina thing sends one clear message to the world about Filipinos - our concern about our public lives ain't worth no shit, please excuse the bad grammar. The sane things most people forget when they get into the discussion:
1) Private perversions, etc. --- If one wants to indulge in it, by all means get your partner to agree before going into it. Drugs, S&M, voyeurism, you name it, if you want to get into it, don't take unilateral action.
2) Public domain in private perversions --- Why the hell should we care? Unless...
3) Ethics in the public domain --- Hayden Kho, Jr. is a doctor and took the Hippocratic Oath. If he can't stay a decent person, he must, at least, for the sake of the profession, maintain the pretense of being one. Which leads us to the last premise...
4) Things that really matter "in aid of legislation" --- And investigations into the sordid sex lives of boy-toy cosmetic surgeons, the girls who become their thralls, their deluded mothers, or their Botoxed sugar mommies with aspirations to glory shouldn't be daily fare in our Senate. Thanks to the likes of Bong Revilla and Jinggoy Estrada, the circus is in town. Makes the notion of ethics being synonymous with "Philippine Senate" becoming all the more absurd.
As for the so-called "victim" (who ends up the winner in this issue all around, outside of the tabloids and showbiz talk shows), Katrina Halili, I have one message for you - You go girl! If you want to hook up with any random dude with looks or money (preferably both, if I read you correctly), go do it! Screw your way to the top of the showbiz heap if you believe that's necessary. It sure sucks to be notorious (but someone has to do it, 'no?), but it's always a good substitute for achieving success with your rather limited talent.
In the meantime, Congress foists on the Filipino public the monstrosity that is the Constituent Assembly for Charter Change. An abomination so vile I will endorse its abortion if it were a fetus. Jamby hasn't exactly killed off Manny Villar's ambitions with the C-5 scam, but it sure looks like Ping Lacson's withdrawal has been secured with the threat of new investigations. Hmmm, he may not have actually lost here, being kingmaker sometimes beats being king...
Also lost is the fact that for all the good work being put in by our public sector doctors, the Department of Health isn't up to snuff in handling epidemics. Be glad that Influenza A(H1N1) isn't your superkiller, the uncontrolled spread in the past few days shows we don't have the ability to fight back the virus, only to contain it...
I'm glad sports makes up for the vacuousness of life. I wanted Man U win the UEFA Champions League, but Barca winning it, and in such overpowering fashion, is a great substitute.
I'm happy that Roger Federer finally got over the hump and won the French Open this year. It's not the same seeing him beat Robin Soderling in the final, but Soderling beat that cabron Nadal and that's what matters. Glad to see Djokovic getting wiped out early, that fellow needs to be put down a peg or two. Sorry that Roddick isn't cut out for clay, and like Tim Henman, is proof that nice guys somehow don't succeed as much as they should. On to Wimbledon, Roger!
I'm glad that the ho-hum way Tiger Woods is stamping his dominance on the sport is turning me off; sometimes you don't have to witness greatness, just living in its shadow (and besides, I really hate watching golf).
And finally, I find myself strangely cheering on the Lakers in the NBA Finals. Maybe it's true I like mean mofo-egomaniacs like Kobe (who, like Hayden, should be listed as a confirmed sex offender). Maybe I prefer Phil Jackson's sangfroid than Stan Van Gundy's self-deprecation (to be fair, I haven't seen self-deprecation done with so much self-centeredness other than Larry "Nomad" Brown).
Or maybe, deep inside, I hate seeing nice guys like Dwight Howard --- though, in fairness to me, his "niceness" seems more to be a put-on than real. No real nice guy throws his coach under the bus just to flex his "muscles" in the team's pecking order.
Because, maybe, in truth, there are not a whole too many nice guys left.
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