Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Black Thoughts

I disagree with Mel Brooks' Louis XIV - It's not good to be king. Nope, Simba, I won't wait to find out what it really means to be king.

Being in charge of something important that means a whole lot to many people is very, very daunting. And tiring too. We just finished a very long week putting together the salary increases for one of the sectors of the company - personally, this was work-level hell of a nature I haven't experienced in a very, very long time - though I did put together some all-nighters the last two years (mostly to make up the time that I was slacking, hehe, but still...), this was an enforced activity I never liked much, especially since clerical work is not really my thing. I did score 26th percentile on this on possible job competencies way back in high school, which says much that this line of work is something I don't like doing.

The news of the past few days just went by like blurs - I'm glad Martin Scorsese finally got his props as best director in the Oscars for "The Departed" and just as glad that the film also got tabbed as the best one this year - well, certainly it was more watchable than last year's winner, "Crash," which like its namesake, was a train wreck waiting to happen. "Crash" is a like a UN selection - least possible evil, but "The Departed" beats out a strong set of competition. My personal favorite is "Little Miss Sunshine" but that's because it was the one I saw first. So there.

And oh, I despaired when I read the news that Dwayne Wade dislocated his shoulder in a recent game. There goes the repeat - let's get on the Mavericks bandwagon, people! Well, maybe this is another year for the Pistons and vindication for Mr. Sneering Cheater, Chris Webber. I'm staying tuned.

As for back home, it's the usual bread-and-circuses fare I've come to associate Philippine politics with. There is a disturbing trend -- the line between reality-TV entertainment and real-life events is blurring. It couldn't have come at a worse time than these elections. Funny how people lap up the loss of some people's private lives --- is it that bad, really? It's ironic as well how Filipinos could not correlate how a power such as media or the State can corrupt them totally and deny them even the freedom to think. "Pinoy Big Brother" as entertainment? Shoot, I beg to disagree. Let the yokels yak up to it. Since I'm still largely in charge of my own life, I'm doing something to add spice to my life instead of watching others screw up theirs. And in public to boot.

I've scheduled, and obtained approval, for a vacation during the middle of May. My close friend who shared a foxhole with me while we served under our previous boss asked me if I would get involved in the election. I recall saying, yes, sure, but now? Hmmm.... let me sit on that decision for a few more days, perhaps a week.

I'm in a black mood today. It should clear up in a few days. I'm set myself a commitment to finally write my story idea for a play. Better yet, I should write it up for the screen. But the play first. I'll work myself up to it, and when I get the time to think when I get back home, I should line it up and finish it.

I should say that watching war movies isn't getting to help one any. I watched "Full Metal Jacket" twice in the past two days. Wrong move, but I couldn't help it. R. Lee Ermey's performance as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman was downright inspiring, at times a curious play between caricature and how power can corrupt the smallest of men. The song choices for the soundtrack were also very appropriate --- particularly the end-credits song.

Here's a toast to the Rolling Stones --- a great counterpoint to accompany any depressing mood. There's no way to go from here but up.

PAINT IT BLACK
(Mick Jagger/Keith Richards) (The Rolling Stones)

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love, both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

Hmm, hmm, hmm...
I wanna see it painted black, painted black

Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun, blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!

A worthy postscript, just works for me too:

"My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece. In short, I'm in a world of shit... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid."
--- Sergeant (formerly Private) Joker, played by Matthew Modine, "Full Metal Jacket"

Monday, February 19, 2007

Stealing our Youth

Inquirer Column: Randy David

Even after I have sold out and joined the Establishment, I am still all for student activism, mainly for three things:

1. It is a far healthier way to let out stress and teenage angst.
2. It keeps the youth in focus, even for a short time.
3. And if they get in trouble because of it, they can look back with fond memory.

So now they start killing kids. For what? To stop people from complaining? You could succeed in moving the moon from its path than preventing people from standing up for what they think is right.

A colleague here keeps on saying it's the same faces who complain about the government and it's the same issues all over again. True, we can do without the professional agents provocateur, but the answer is simple: Very little has changed.

I laud those who try their best to effect change wherever they may be. As it is, though, I'm tired of speaking out against the current administration. Mainly because I suspect people don't even bother to listen. But I can tell them this: no party affiliation guarantees your candidate's general program of action or even his or her political integrity. A political newcomer who is not a "trapo" also does not guarantee something better.

So for these people, it's not for me to say whom you are going to vote, or if you would vote at all. You were given intellect to reason, just use it properly. I will be the first to say this --- biases govern our thinking more powerfully than they should. The trick then, is not to view the world as how you think it should be but what it really is. Don't worry about the cause, but see the effect. Then ask questions instead of providing the "answers" you think you already know. To paraphrase H. L. Mencken, your being older does not mean you're getting any wiser.

Open up, and let go --- and be, for those instances, be like a youth raring to change the world again.

Be a youth once more, and relive that passion for change. Now, this is the very same youthful spirit our government is trying to silence. Pray it doesn't happen to you when your time to rage on comes - don't wait for a Qiu Ju moment to happen to you, when you realize that the government whom you so put your trust in has no justice in its soul. Much less expect a better system of living and governance under it.

Meanwhile, mourn the young dreams repression has killed.

* * * * *

My spirit grieves for the passing of my dear uncle, Leonardo de Guzman Sr. from complications arising from prostate cancer. I always admired the way he conducted himself. Unlike my dynamic father, my uncle was neither brash nor outwardly brilliant. However, he had a determined confidence and a surfeit of inspiring spirit, and he was a fountain of fortitude. This was all the more evident when he began his valiant fight against disease and old age.

A quote attributed to the Talmud:

Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Throughout the tests and trials of this life, my uncle stayed true. It frustrates me that I could not even do the least I can do for him, which is to pay my respects.

There is no pain greater than the memory of good times past now that our family grieves. But this too, gives strength, and renews the spirit to its youth and strength in times of adversity.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Laying the Sweet Stuff Nice and Thick

I'll Be Seeing You

I'll Be Seeing You
[ Sammy Fain/Irving Kahal ][ Various Artists ]

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces all day through

In that small cafe, the park across the way
The children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way

I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way

I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you



* * * * *

While we're on the subject, I'll post on one of my favorite sappy songs of a bygone era - "I'll Be Seeing You" though I didn't bother to look for a copy of my favorite version by Billie Holiday. Rosemary Clooney should be enough. The divine Miss Holiday is sampled in three romance flicks - A Time of Destiny (1988) with Timothy Hutton and Melissa Leo, William Hurt as the heavy; Stealing Beauty (1996) by Bernardo Bertolucci featuring Liv Tyler in her luscious glory (and oh, check the pubes of Rachel Weisz in this one, it's one of the movie's defining moments for me, hehe); and The Notebook (2006) with Rachel MacAdams and Ryan Gosling.

I also like The Chairman Frank Sinatra's version, but while Ol' Blue Eyes in his take carries a confident reassurance, Lady Day's fragile but full-bodied and sensual poignancy does the trick for me.

"A Time of Destiny" is at best in capturing the mood of late '30s - early '40s Europe. As for the rest, well, it degenerates into melodramatic goop. Still, I was into a "Romantic" phase at the time and this movie resonated with me. Timothy Hutton was still a matinee idol at the time, but looking at Melissa Leo's current publicity shots, you wouldn't have believed she was a plausible ingenue. The movie and "I'll Be Seeing You" are forever linked in my memory banks.

I watched "Stealing Beauty" only after I saw the vidcaps of Liv Tyler's exposed breast and the aforementioned Ms. Weisz (sue me, I'm shallow). The movie hardly saw distribution in the Philippines and I wouldn't have touched it were it not a Bertolucci film. Actually, the movie is WAAAY BEYOND its value vis-a-vis those vidcaps (much more nudity, hehe), though admittedly this is not one of Bertolucci's best. Still, he captures the visceral qualities of a young woman's coming-of-age.

I panned "The Notebook" the first time I saw it, which is the normal treatment chick flicks get from me, but over time it has achieved some re-watchability. Though Rachel MacAdams gets a lot of credit for this one, Ryan Gosling's understated but intense performance provides a good counterpoint (and he captures James Garner's spirit here, too). I'm not surprised he received an Academy Award nomination for his role in "Half Nelson". And of all the luck, he ends up with Ms. MacAdams in real life, too.

For all those people floating on clouds at the moment, this song is a great "goodnight and goodbye" song. An orchestral arrangement would be a great lift too, for that slow dance (preferably with soft lights, if not moonlight). And to lay it on nice and thick ---

You are standing in a garden in the early evening, the grass and the flowers are wispy with new-fallen dew, and soft lights come on just about at that, sending pocket rainbows everywhere in your line of sight. Through that mild kaleidoscopic haze, your eyes mist up a little even as a slight breeze steps in from somewhere. You don't know where it's coming from, but it enfolds you like a fleeting embrace. There is a slight shiver running down your spine as you take in the aromas of the garden, fresh and sweet and filled with secret longing for a trip down nostalgia lane.

It's a fine time to be alive.

(AND THEN) ----

(PURRRRURRRRUUUURRRUUUUUUTTTT!!!)

Your friend lets out a great big fart in the middle of that romantic scene! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Something like this really happened, though we were in a retreat instead of going at an all-nighter on chick flicks. Tagaytay, 1995. I wouldn't want to mention my friend's name (or if my friend is a he or a she). We were actually having a Closed-Eye Process (which should be rightfully called autogenics) with our mentor Br. Vic Franco. We were getting to the nice part (Br. Vic was utterly mesmerizing us) when the BIG BAD FART came on.

Our mentor did his best to patch it up with a self-amused segue and tried to get us back to point. But the mood definitely had shifted. It was all we could do from chortling, but we had it under control until somebody let out a big guffaw and then the floodgates opened --- everyone convulsed into laughter and the group threw itself into stitches. Yup, mission accomplished. The group was on the same page and we actually focused very well for the rest of the session. I don't remember the rest of that session except that we had to push our buddy Robert's car on the way back home, and of course the No-Flush incident, which I'll take up in another piece.

See, it's for moments like these that we should celebrate the role of love in our lives.

As for all of you whom I consider my friends, I'll be seeing you. Here and everywhere.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Romance Rebate

Eiffel Tower Blacks Out Momentarily

In one more week the Christian world, or at least the Westernized portion of it, will melt into puddles of goop. Yes, Valentine's is just around the corner and what do I have to say about it?

Bah, HUMBUG!

But seriously, if I had a theme song for these times, it's "Hello, Young Lovers" from "The King and I":

Intro:
When I think of Tom
I think of a night,
When the earth smelled of summer
And the sky was streaked with white,
The soft mist of England
Was sleeping on a hill.

I remember this,
And I always will...
There are new lovers now
On the same silent hill,
Looking on the same blue sea.
And I know Tom and I are a part of them all --
And they're all a part of Tom and me.

Main:
Hello young lovers, whoever you are,
I hope your troubles are few.
All my good wishes go with you tonight,
I've been in love like you.

Be brave, young lovers, and follow your star,
Be brave and faithful and true,
Cling very close to each other tonight.
I've been in love like you.

I know how it feels to have wings on your heels,
And to fly down the street in a trance.
You fly down a street on the chance that you meet,
And you meet -- not really by chance.

Don't cry young lovers, whatever you do,
Don't cry because I'm alone;
All of my memories are happy tonight,
I've had a love of my own.
I've had a love of my own, like yours-
I've had a love of my own.

Be brave, young lovers, and follow your star,
Be brave and faithful and true,
Cling very close to each other tonight.
I've been in love like you.

I know how it feels to have wings on your heels,
And to fly down the street in a trance.
You fly down a street on the chance that you meet,
And you meet -- not really by chance.

Don't cry young lovers, whatever you do,
Don't cry because I'm alone;
All of my memories are happy tonight,
I've had a love of my own.
I've had a love of my own, like yours-
I've had a love of my own.

We can hem and haw until eternity about love, but there is no need, really - if we realize the love that is already within us. While certainly the Eiffel Tower going out will dampen the mood, there is an issue bigger than the commerce of love.

My wish, and my hope, is that more and more people will look at the important things --- to take Ludwig Mies van der Rohe out of context, "God is in the details." The stark, barren landscape of our love is a prettier sight when it is raw and unadulterated.

I did have a love of my own - with C. - but one day it ended. There was no "happy ever after." Or at least, her happy ever after was with someone else. Since then it's been that hard to reach into my heart and pull out something more. I am pricked, always, by the thought of the "might-have-beens" but there are no regrets. She will have her own category in my personal pantheon, and one day I hope another will be lifted up to take the place of honor, which has been largely empty since she left, despite all the hits and misses since then.

For young lovers out there, even though the light of romance dims, I hope and pray the afterglow that shines from within you and between you will be all the more radiant than the fireworks show or the full moon at night. Follow your star, be faithful, and brave, and true.

* * * * *

A shout out also to my sister, who celebrated her birthday yesterday. She and her hubby may not be considered "young lovers" but their love is fresh and new --- may this love keep the vitality of its springtime and grow in strength for they face interesting times (to say the least, if I may opine) ahead.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Falling Stars

When you cry
Your tears are falling stars
Make a wish
And it will be granted.

When you fall
Look high and not look down
Pick yourself up
And start where you stopped.