The days of spring here are moving on a glacial pace now that the school holidays for the Pinoy kids are on and most of the families I know have made their plans for their annual vacations.
I guess the pace has caught up to me as well. Been in some knot of emotions about how things are going on in the office. I don't like nitpicking about work; being employed is a blessing in these tough times and whining about work seems ungrateful.
However, it is true - I hate the whole situation about my job. It is only my sense of equanimity, or perhaps those bills gnawing at my insides like army ants, that has kept me on an even keel. Certainly I could do with better management, but as Johnny Rico says in "Starship Troopers" - "I'm your guy, until I'm dead, or you find someone better."
Trust me on this one, I'll be dead before they'll find someone better. At least for the price they're paying.
I have made peace about this situation but I need to do more. If I don't excise the negative influence it has over me, it will poison the rest of my life.
As it is, I feel that I am not a good person right now. At least the kind of good person with whom I am comfortable. Much too self-absorbed, methinks. Not even giving time to the people I have professed to care about.
The only bright spot in all of this is that I have moved offices (yet again), so that I can improve at the very least, my "physical karma."
But I'm marking myself down here, I must put myself in a position to move on. I'm too old to be acting like a petulant child.