Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Age and Opportunity

For age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.
--- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Happy birthday to me!

It's strange but I don't feel older. If anything I feel younger, having come to Saudi Arabia and experiencing some parts of my life on my own terms for the very first time.

I am conscious however that as time passes, the doors to any meaningful relationship with a woman are soon banging shut, and the windows, if ever they are available, are starting to close as well. It's not as if I didn't want to have a relationship with a woman; it's just that I haven't really "crossed to the other side" as I have with so many other things.

On the good days, it isn't all that bad, as I am surrounded by children that I get in touch with; on the bad days, I end up asking myself why am I busy taking care of someone else's children. On the ugly days, which don't come often (thank the Lord), I struggle so as not to wallow in self-pity - working in a land that is not my own, devoting myself to the success of strangers and upon coming home, finding that the people you love are becoming strangers.

I just hope that this experience prepares me, cleanses me, and purifies me for what lies ahead. I can't predict the future, all I know is that the choices I make right now would blaze me a new path for my life.

You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance. - Psalms 63:11

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