Friday, October 03, 2008

Just Another One of Those Days

(The Rolling Stones)

She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don't matter if it's gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...

Don't question why she needs to be so free
She'll tell you its the only way to be
She just can't be chained
To a life where nothing's gained
And nothing's lost
At such a cost

There's no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I'm gonna miss you...

(Note: What with the demise of our free connection in the flat, am left to have later posts with earlier post dates.  Cannot be helped, unless I pay!)

The smiles are wide, and the blast of the stage lights blaze a warm glow into the photographs as the performers and their families pose for the camera.

The fathers buckle down to work in dismantling the set - thankful for the lack of necessity to do more than usual as another community group volunteers to take down our decorations since they would re-use our set-up.

I peer into the eyes of the newly-initiated, suffused with an inner light of both relief and triumph.  Relief that the fears did not come true.  Triumph at having gone through what they have done.  They are an object lesson in the challenges of life ---that the living is all about NOW.  I hope time and consequence will not dim the light that is within them.

These children are truly the light of the world precisely because they are young and have the power of dreams in them. There is always the seed of darkness --- doubt and anger and self-loathing --- doing nothing perpetuates all of these. But it does take energy and effort for us to bring forth light. The Stones do talk of this thing - catch your dreams before they slip away.

Confucius says, "The object of the superior man is truth." Truth is, I was somewhat awed by the effort of the kids in performing for this concert. No ifs, and no buts. If I had to do this all over again, I would of course want to do better. But as it is, I am happy with what they have accomplished.

I am, however, disappointed at the level which this performance connects with me.

I am tired, awfully tired of doing this. It breaks my heart to say so, but I am burdened with the realization that I am struggling to find meaning with what I am doing in this organization. This isn't necessarily a bad thing --- what's done is done and the past, while meaningful, is conveniently, well, past.

I love the kids. I always will, and part of me breaks when the times pass and we must move on. Perhaps I will learn, in time, to heal myself. Maybe if I have my own kids.


Now, after all the storm and thunder of the grand presentation, it turns out to be just another one of those days.

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