13,155

SWEET BABY JAMES
(James Taylor)

There is a young cowboy, he lives on the range
His horse and his cattle are his only companions
He works in the saddle and he sleeps in the canyons
Waiting for summer, his pastures to change

And as the moon rises he sits by his fire
Thinking about women and glasses of beer
And closing his eyes as the doggies retire
He sings out a song which is soft but it's clear
As if maybe someone could hear

Goodnight you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby James
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose
Won't you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby James

Now the first of December was covered with snow
And so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston
Lord, the Berkshires seemed dream-like on account of that frosting
With ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go

There's a song that they sing when they take to the highway
A song that they sing when they take to the sea
A song that they sing of their home in the sky
Maybe you can believe it if it helps you to sleep
But singing works just fine for me

So...goodnight you moonlight ladies
Rockabye sweet baby James
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose
Won't you let me go down in my dreams
And rockabye sweet baby James

Well, this isn't about the number of days since this song was released, but it does come close.

It isn't the monthly salary I first drew when I realized that I was really, really, really a bad employee (I made somewhat more, but as it goes with salaries, they are never enough...)

On the fact of it, in the scale of things, the number is less likely to be remembered because it isn't even a prime number (13,155 is divisible by 3 and 5).

As of today, these are the number of days that I have been living. We keep on thinking about the fortunes that we are about to make, but this is a treasure that may not just add up, no matter how we try --- the finite value of our lives.

For some who have much in this world - it just shows that no matter how much your estimated worth increases, there isn't much to add to your life, especially if you're throwing it away following your career.

For others who have much, much less - while it can be said that time is the great equalizer, it all makes the good times more precious than they seem to be.

For those like me, it's a gritty reminder about the sacrifices we have to make, though it's not much of a sacrifice when I can fill my world with just about any diversion I can afford. Still, the clock is ticking on the time I should be spending on parenting, the meter is on and it keeps on piling a value I can never recoup or ever pay for.

The timer is on and there is no answer for me but to accept the circumstances into which I have put myself. And to accept and value the self that is the result of these circumstances. In time, time that I may never seem to have, the road I tread will show me that which I seek ---

So for the while, I will rock myself to sleep and please, please, don't let me go down in my dreams.