I saw a video of myself yesterday following the Induction of the Officers of the Society of Performing Arts last Thursday afternoon. As usual, yours truly started out a reluctant volunteer and then gave it the good old try, which ended in my being elected as Secretary of the organization this year… seeing myself as the emcee is really troubling, and the evidence was clearly shown on tape… holy crap! They say TV adds about 10 pounds on you. Either that camera must be really bad or I must be packing an additional 20 pounds!
I can't say I'm not happy with the situation. Every day I'm falling more and more in love with these children. It's just hard not to, and some people may say it's only because I don't have the burden of having them everyday. But that's just the point. I get to love them more because I don't have any of my own.
Mostly I like having them as friends. I'm never been much of a grown-up anyway ("still crazy after all these years," I would proudly say). There's something to be said listening to a fresh point of view, because for a child, everything is so alive because everything is just happening for the first time.
My buddy Des is asking me is it bad to want to re-connect with the past...and I think he hit it right on the nail. I would wager that he doesn't miss the feelings, which he could get from his wonderful relationship with wife and baby girl, but perhaps he misses the novelty. And of course the people that went with the experience.
It's so much more apt for me to seek "a woman and child of my own, just for me, just be free." The feeling sometimes swells in my heart I fear that I will burst.
(Edit: While we still have time, we have the chance to find it all. But first I have to look at this as opportunity rather than threat. At least I would sound more positive. Where are the wisecracks when I need them?)
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