Friday, June 17, 2011

In Search of Models

I'm reading on the La Salle Centennial and I feel proud to be part of that heritage. It isn't just about basketball, of course. My road led me to almost becoming a La Salle Brother, once upon a time.

I am almost tempted to criticize something, as is my normal thing. It is no longer as droll to dwell on something one wants to change when the viewscope needs some cleanng. Yes, some inventory required in my life now.

For now, I will be content with what I have been given. Woody Allen puts it simply - eighty percent of success is showing up. All I have to do is be here, right now, present in body and in mind.

Can't worry too much about the state of the world. The world has gone on millions, billions of years without our intervention as a species. It will unvariably find a way to balance the equation even while we try our best to despoil it.

Can't worry about the state of the land in the Philippines. One day, if I ever get possessed by some need to validate my values, I will run for public office. Everybody's a critic now you can hardly find anyone who wishes to perform. Am in no rush to join that queue, so many others think privilege should come first.

As for my career and state of being, I have tried to do it my way and obviously my way has so many hits and misses. Can't be too shy about that, either. It's either my way or somebody else's. Once, I would have liked to have been like my father - a valued contributor and somewhat of a wunderkind to the organizations in which he served. He had a wonderful gift, that man. He could inspire others merely by his presence, and his clarity of thinking, of getting to the needed point, was amazing. One could remark on his gift's greatness because so much of it was wasted.

If I were my father though, I would have had six kids by now, reveling in the prime of my life, and laying the fuse that would end my life less than twenty years from now.

However, that life has been served. It has served its purpose. In contrast, my life is always renewing itself, on another loop of discovery. I believe I'm overdue. Like the saint for whom I have been named, I have been taking care of someone else's children. It is time to rear mine, whether the fruit of my loins or of my intellect.

I can read as many self-help or management books as I can to look for inspiration, knowing that I am in search of models. Some other guys did it smartly, never deviating from the courses others set for them, trusting that their formulae worked.

I envy their success, because their success gives whatever insight they have gained some amount of credibility. Nobody really listens to the fool who tried to do it the hard way. The masses want their stars to be continuous winners, almost verging on the perfect.

I have the privilege of knowing that kind of perfection is an illusion. Everybody, in some form or other, experiences angst over the purpose and meaning of life.

There is only so much one can do, and that is to act responsibly with the blessings one receives.

I'm in search of a model who has achieved the balance of deriving meaning out of life and finding happiness while doing so.

I hope that person would be me.

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