Weekend Blues

As my friend Robert would fire off in his own way, it’s not that I am really depressed or anything. But the question keeps on begging to be answered: Am I worried about not finding someone?

Let me think. Hmmm....… Hell, yeah!

I had an interesting conversation with my friend and colleague over the “weekend” while both of us were busy at work. In Saudi Arabia, it’s really great that you have a lot of free time to do “bachelor” things. Sadly, our “bachelor” thing is doing more work.

I was listening to him intently and I could sense his frustration over the fact that he has no girlfriend (not even the remote sign of one). I could really empathize given the fact that finding an eligible young woman here in KSA who would score five stars is just as remote as figuring out the last digit of pi. There are, of course, shortcuts, or the random hook-up, or else, one could just play the field and see which girl gets pregnant first.

Actually, what really defines our “loser”-hood to a T is that we are not even properly equipped to play the field! Well, at least until we finally get our own cars. Finances willing, I should get one soon.

Still, it’s easier said than done. An item change does not a lifestyle change make. I did, in what seems like another life, try to fit my “squarish”-ness into the round hole of conformity and it didn’t work. In fact, later in my teens, I threw the sink at conformity and said, “what the heck. It’s a lot tougher to try to belong than to be myself.” Not that being myself is any more wholesome. But hey, I'm not making an excuse for my life. It just feels that way.

Still, it got me to thinking of the so-called “aberration” in my life and what strikes me is that there are so many eligible young women out there who would, after a few beers (she of course, would be doing the drinking), probably condescend to go out with me. Problem is, I live out here in the desert, and they… well, let’s just say I wish they were like Kathleen Kelley and are primed to fall in love with what I can write and express. Verbal ability in men, by the way, is overrated, but don’t jump to conclusions until you’ve met the exception to the rule… who else but me? *ducks*

Am I worried? Of course! Mainly it’s the validation, partly hormonal, partly intellectual, that the things I have done still make me out to be “successful.” But for now, mostly, I think it’s because many of my friends are getting married, and while I hardly consider a wife a toy or an erector set (hmmm…let me think, scratch the “or an…”), it would be nice to have the kind of relationships that they have.

So what now? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll bump into someone, or whatever. This feeling hasn't reached depression-level yet....if it did, I would lose the ability to laugh about it, but it can get tiresome, as I'm sure you know by now. Meantime, I took this test and guess what my results were…




Maybe it’s not as bad as I think. After all, some chicks like Nadia in "American Pie" dig geeks. If only if it were that simple.

*Long sigh* Yup, it could be worse. I could be demoted to “subhuman” status like what the astronomers did to Pluto, but still, yeah, the sign says it all.

Pag-Ibig Kailanman (Apat na Sulok ng Pag-Ibig)

Lahat tayo'y naglalakbay sa mundo
Naghahanap ng sulok na aangkinin
Naghahangad, nangangarap
Minsa'y nalilimot na ang ating damdamin.
Mapaparisan ba ng liwanag ng buwan
Ang ilaw ng iyong puso?
Mailalapat mo ba ang sukat ng iyong nais
Sa kabilugan ng mundo?

Ang tugon sa ating dasal
Daliri ng Maykapal
Nananatili sa mga nagmamahal

Kung ayaw mong tumangis
Huwag mangarap kailanman
Kalimutan ang pag-ibig
Kung ayaw mong masaktan
Ngunit kahit ilang ulit mo siya'y talikuran
Siya lamang nagbibigay sa buhay ng kabuluhan
Magunaw man ang buong sansinukuban
Mabubuhay ang pag-ibig sa gitna ng kawalan.

Kung dala ng paghamon ay pangangamba
Manalig at huwag mabahala't wala itong lunas
Magsikap at magpunyagi pag-ibig ang manatili
Sa araw-araw na landas.
Makakaya mo bang itatwa sa 'yong buhay
Ang sikdo ng iyong puso?
May kabuluhan pa ba ang 'yong tadhana
'Pag tuyo na'ng damdamin mo?

Kapag ika'y nagmamahal
Sa hirap may maisasakdal
Ang luha mo ang siyang nagpapabanal

Ang hinahangad mong katuparan
Sa lahat ng iyong inaasam
Nasa piling mo't kumakanlong sa iyo.
Pawiin mo ang piring sa mata mo.

Kung ayaw mong tumangis
Huwag mangarap kailanman
Kalimutan ang pag-ibig
Kung ayaw mong masaktan
Ngunit kahit ilang ulit mo siya'y talikuran
Siya lamang nagbibigay sa buhay ng kabuluhan
Magunaw man ang buong sansinukuban
Mabubuhay ang pag-ibig sa gitna ng kawalan

That Stalker Song

The more you ignore me the closer I get
You're wasting your time
The more you ignore me the closer I get
You're wasting your time

I will be in the bar
With my head on the bar
I am now a central part
Of your mind's landscape
Whether you care or do not
Yeah, I've made up your mind

The more you ignore me the closer I get
You're wasting your time
The more you ignore me the closer I get
You're wasting your time

Beware! I bear more grudges
Than lonely high court judges
When you sleep I will creep into your thoughts
Like a bad debt that you can't pay
Take the easy way and give in
Yeah, and let me in

Oh, let me in
Oh let me ...
Oh, let me in

IT'S WAR IT'S WAR
IT'S WAR IT'S WAR
IT'S WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR

Oh, let me in
Ah, the closer I get
Ah, you're asking for it
Ah, the closer I get

* * * * *

We were somewhere in Bicutan, Robert and I, driving around to look for a place that a girl mentioned was her home. I didn't tell her I was going there. I was curious about her, she did send me a JPEG through e-mail. But it wasn't enough. I had to know more about her. I had to see her, even from afar.

We met through a chatroom that year; I was teaching college in Pampanga and had experimented with the use of the Internet as part of my job duties. For about two weeks we had freebies with the service provider. I was introduced to the world of mIRC and it was mind-boggling. I probably made more virtual friends in a day than I did over the previous three years. Not that I had that many friends to begin with, anyhow.

My favorite chatroom was focused on trivia, and apart from a few (fellow) mutants, I had the bragging rights to that room. I wasn’t a frequent visitor then, but I routinely killed at the questions provided by the ‘bot (question generator). It wasn’t too long that I gained notice among the denizens of the place. I’m not sure if there were real geeks (like me) out there (there probably were) but it soon dawned on me that the people who came to the chatroom were simply bored and joined the contests out of sheer boredom.

On the other hand, I had wanted in the games for the games themselves. I loved winning. It showed, eventually, and in the beginning though I spent so little time I became popular with some of the regulars (their handles in italics) --- Holly/holly (a young mother based somewhere in Kentucky), Genevie/genevie (a dentistry student based in Manila), Ria/starplace (she was based in Alabang, that’s all I knew --- she never did let me on what she was doing, I never saw her at any of the EB sessions, but she did have a great voice when she called me once), and a host of others. It’s the girls I remember best, as always. The few dudes who did manage to present a challenge would likely as not ignore me (I guess they hated losing), and the ones who were friendly were practically logged on 24/7 they didn’t have to try to win the games – they’ve practically memorized the questions!

I had three handles --- the first one was althor, based on Robert Jordan’s Rand Al’Thor in his “Wheel of Time” series. With this nick, I quickly became popular, and I identified with it so much I practically used it as my e-mail nick for all of my paid Internet subscriptions --- no matter how many times I switched, I kept the name. It had its variants – I used supporting character names like cauthon and aybara (everyone thought I was a girl, and when I went incognito I used this nick a lot). Then there was, of course, the times when I went by dragon_reborn.

After I became popular and some people didn’t want to play against me, I switched to hardin, based on Salvor Hardin, a prominent character in Isaac Asimov’s “Foundation” series. It was one of my shibboleths, because if someone would comment on my nick with the right kind of familiarity, I knew I was chatting with a kindred soul. In the end, most Filipinos thought of it as “garden,” while most everybody else thought it was sexual in nature (a story for another day). I had the most fun going by this name, for reasons which I’m sure are obvious.

The final one, which was my personal fave when I felt like an “assassin” during the games, was jason_bourne, after Robert Ludlum’s famed hitman and the subject of his own eponymous trilogy. Take note that this was before the travesty of the Matt Damon movies came out and only serious thriller enthusiasts knew of this nick. Almost every Filipino who came into contact with me thought I was a Fil-Am, and with the way I wrote (I could do 65 wpm and I wasn’t into the Internet abbreviations, which I thought were atrocities against the Queen’s English), I guess I pulled it off. One of the younger dudes who sort of idolized me even used one of Bourne’s lines as his tagline for his identity. Yeah, I was a cool dude, in that way.

So it was one of those early mornings (about 2:30am or thereabouts) I met spicee’gurl. At first we acknowledged each other with a bit of aloof respect --- she was also a keen gamer, and a really intelligent person too, though I found that out much later. However, I was a bit put off by her nick, which I suspected had an airhead personality behind it. People hid behind their own masks with their nicks, and it wasn’t ironic but pretty much du jour that the most interesting people came up with the most interesting nicks. The interesting part is finding out how so way off-base the name was in relation to the real person. Up to now, in the blogosphere, almost every dude wants to be some rockin’-sockin’ sunnavabich or other and almost every dudette, well, wants to be the Biatch that either makes the rockin’-sockin’ sunnsabiches drool or more likely than not, torches them and eats them for breakfast.

The ‘Net was populated with all sorts, freaks or no, and in cyberspace one has to take a few precautions because there were so many risks. For every You’ve Got Mail story there could also be The Net, or worse, Black Widow, Fatal Attraction or some variant of Risky Business (without the happy ending). My own policy was to be honest about everything as to my personhood but never about my own details. Why the hell not? If people didn’t believe you or mocked you behind your back, that’s their own business. It’s not as if I made them part of my life (but inevitably I did, and ah! That’s the essence of this entire story.)

Spicee’gurl? Umm-hmm. Pretty suspicious right there --- as for me, depending on how you interpreted my nick, of course, you could come up with your own conclusions. But she intrigued me --- face it, the prospect of meeting a woman always intrigues me --- eventually after bumping into her a few times I summoned enough courage, or stupidity, or both, to PM her and go for a short chat. I wasn’t sure how exactly I went about it, but she found my job at that time cool. She herself was one of the minor movers and shakers in the entertainment industry, on radio, and on one of my favorite stations at that. To cut through to the chase, we exchanged numbers and I promised to call her as soon as I got back to Manila.

So I did. In an age of pre-text mania, exchanging numbers and calling over the landline still does the trick. Yes I’m old, but I’m not THAT old.

She had the smoky, husky voice which would drive a lot of men crazy. As to the rest of possible reactions, I’ll leave it to your imagination. I had run up a considerable record in terms of telephone conversations, and actually it was rather my M.O. since I also did well whenever I talk with a girl on the phone. Something about my vocal register and how I sound on the phone creates the impression that I am one hunky-dunky fellow. As to the after the phone conversations… well, closing the deal is a whole new ballgame in itself.

It wasn’t long that I wanted to know who she really was --- one could tell a lot of things not only from the things they say on the phone but more importantly, how they said it and what they didn’t say. I could tell that she was a generous, giving, loving person on one hand; on the other I knew she had very special and particular needs.

After a few conversations and several talk-a-thons and sleepless nights (sidebar: I missed some work because of her, but then again, if it weren’t her as the reason, I would have missed work anyway --- I was that bad), I was hooked. Tell you what, we were both hooked, I guess, but if there is a degree to such things, I had it worse. Or better, if you prefer to look at it another way.

In the beginning, it was so intense that I had to say “time out” even to myself, something she didn’t like when she felt I was taking her for granted. It was hard going back and forth to Manila (eventually, she was the one who called me in Pampanga). What added to the tension was that up to a few months (two, three, I no longer recall) we hadn’t even MET. I recall this time when my buddy Des and I were outside our dormitory having a smoke (those were the days when we were nicotine addicts), and the phone rang. No one else was in the house. I ran into the house, and before I knew it, slipped on a floor mat (image: Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern in “Home Alone”) and landed on my phat ass, just in time for Des to see what had happened to me. The phone stopped ringing right after that, of course.

Still we hadn’t met, even though we always had promised that we would, eventually. I couldn’t say that I was in love with her. I wish I could have, really. Something about the way she arranged things where we couldn’t meet was fishy indeed, and it drew a cloud over me.

So it was, finally, that it came to me that I should try to see where she lived. I knew where she worked; although I hadn’t gone to the station myself I knew its general location. In fact, my buddy Robert also had a friend who worked at the same station and said a few things (good and bad) which made me at the very least, all the more curious.

Eventually I twisted Robert’s arm (I had a pathetic set of wheels, and I didn’t trust myself behind the wheel) and got him to drive me to her place.

What did we do? Basically we waited around for a few minutes. All through the trip Robert was going on about how I was such a stalker. He was right. I didn’t even have the guts to tell her I would visit. The thought of me acting at that time makes me cringe right now as I write these words. I was such a wuss.

Later on, I played the innocent when I introduced to her my friend Miggy and his girlfriend at that time because she was one of the talent scouts for a new softdrink commercial. It was actually a legitimate excuse for us to meet, and as I had expected in the back of my mind, no sparks flew.

Can’t say that I wasn’t disappointed, but I was.

Things promptly went downhill after we met; maybe it’s because we had too different expectations to really make it work. I was 25 and in the flush of my youth; I had been grasping for a direction the past few years before that time and a relationship would have been great but the most inappropriate thing for me right then. Especially with her, who was moving into another phase of her life and she had a whole lot of expectations I wasn’t prepared to meet. I stopped calling and gave work (the lack or surfeit of it) as my reason. It didn’t surprise me when I found out, that she had hooked up with someone else just a few weeks later.

It was more fun, in its own twisted and perverse way, when I was daydreaming about her.

Ugh, I’m such a stalker! Can’t say I’m not proud of it, hahahahaha!

* * * * * * * *

And oh, this post is also dedicated to Ferdinand “Ferdie the Birdie”-“Don Johnson”-“God’s gift to women (feeling)”-“nakapagtatakang pinapatulan pa ng various hot chicks” Tarlengco, who once came up, quite triumphantly, with this statement:

Alam ninyo, ang babae, kapag mailap o ‘di kaya’y naiilang sa akin, tiyak, may gusto siya sa akin!

(roughly translates to: “You know, if a girl tries to avoid me or even perhaps if she is uneasy around me, I’m certain that she has a crush on me!”)

The buddies of course laughed with an uproar when we heard that. You’ve got to love the guy for you to swallow it down. Good times all around, of course. But I never did doubt that his belief, which we fittingly named the Tarlengco Theory, worked for him. Even though his luck with the ladies seemed a bit uneven (he always managed to attract the hard-luck ones or the crazies before the “decent” ones, but THAT’s another story in itself), finally he struck gold with God’s grace (yes, he really needed it) and settled down late last year. Here’s to your firstborn, buddy, sana magmana sa ina! (hahahahaha!)

The Tarlengco Theory was one of the high-water marks of our bachelorhood --- we were coming into our own, we were chock-full of great ideas (like the equally-absurd “Santos syndrome,” the “ISK” fraternity and the Tree that Gerard Fertilized With His Piss, “The Vow,” the “I’ll F*ck You- You F*ck Me” concepts of leadership, and all-night driving sprees --- again, stories for another day), and most of all, we loved the ladies and if we were lucky enough, one or two of them would love us back.

Let’s all sing “It’s All Behind Us Now” by Patti Austin (we did, one time, in my house, believe you me, each one taking his turn at the karaoke machine) in fond memory…

Anniversary, Once Again

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”
---- George Bernard Shaw

On Tuesday, the 15th of August, it will be the 24th anniversary of the Service for Human And Religious Experience organization. It pains me that our members have moved on. Scenes like this will take a long time in repeating:



I loved SHARE. I still do. More importantly, I love all the people, even those I failed to understand or became at odds with --- those good times have come and gone. For many of us who remain "unreasonable," I'm certain we are change agents wherever we are.

I would like just one more chance to at least gather people together and celebrate the glorious things we once did, when we once flew like eagles and cavorted in the warmth of the sun.

May that light keep on dispelling the onset of Shadow in our lives and be a source of inspiration, strength, and joy.

The Moon Over Khobar

The Moon Over Khobar, originally uploaded by Spocker.

“Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness.”
~ Allen Ginsberg, American poet

11:30pm, August 6.

I cannot see the moon outside and in any case I wouldn't want to step outside to look --- the humidity is so high it is almost suffocating. But I'd like to think that the moon, as it shines over Khobar, watches me while I let those thoughts meander over and over.

The night welcomes me like a wedding host welcomes me to his banquet. The moon is like a welcome blanket that wraps around me and makes me fully aware of the Divine. When I sleep, I empty myself and re-fill my being with the wonderment of this life and the gift that God has made possible for me to enjoy.

So I sit before the table and await His feast, for my Heavenly Father has invited me to partake of His spirit, and to be one with Him. In the silence, I remember that He is around me, He is beside me, and He permeates the world.

HE IS WITHIN ME.

For the last time in the day, I am caught within my own thoughts. I commune with them as they were brethren, I bid them to sit down beside and formally close this day.

I try to recall the many things that made this special, the small things and kindnesses other people have shared with me. I try to recall the experiences of the day and how I could have made it better.

I am living precisely for this time. It has been many days before I have freed myself to listen to my own breathing. Over the past two years (and a half, come September), I have journeyed in this foreign place and have revealed and been revealed to myself; I have discovered that the world, in sometimes perverse and unfathomable ways, is more beautiful than I had ever imagined. At times I tried to be the rebel, the maverick; at others I had no wish more intense than the one of belonging.

Is this the home that I had yearned for, or just a temporary resting place where He may again launch me forth into where I am intended to be?

I have no illusions that this journey is now about to end, but for now, in the night, in the quiet, I offer this little prayer to the Lord that He may strengthen my faith and be content that He continues to accompany me on this grand journey of my life.

I have often been told – though still find an ideal so difficult to apply – that my life is only as good as I make it. The gift has already been granted; it is up to me to tame hold of this life and perforce let it take shape. I made my stands long ago. Now that this day would end, my thoughts turn to the morrow.

I was fortunate to have received a whole wealth of experience that my education can offer me; inasmuch that I did not take much of it seriously, I have not forgotten what has transpired in each of the halls and classrooms that I have passed through in this life. After all, education is not so much what you try to learn in school but how much that learning will prepare you for the task of living your entire life. In the sums of everything, my knowing what quarks are may enrich my conversation or my interior life but it wouldn't help me finish my Gantt chart of deliverables that I have left pending for the past few days.

Still, it is hardly easy to divorce what value we give to book learning over the practical senses of the heart. It took hardship, frustration, defeat, and failure for me to learn otherwise.

The life that stands before me is often threatened by the burden of regret. It is all-too convenient for me to feel this way. This night, as I picture the moon over the sprawl of Khobar, I pray that my life will be burdened by the gift of love.

Everywhere the winds of conflict tear people apart. It is ironic that when we enter this world we start with a clean slate and our faces are pretty much the same --- what things we perpetrate upon ourselves to make ourselves feel different from others --- what thoughts we plant in our hearts that make us hate!

I once wrote, inspired by the poet Gibran: Your tears are no more signs of weakness than the sacrifice God made of His Son for us to be redeemed. When you cry, you open your soul to Him so that He may renew you. The tears you shed are purer than the laughter of him who seeks to forget and sweeter than the mockery of those who sneer. These tears cleanse the heart of hatred, and teach us to share the pain of the brokenhearted. They are the tears of Jesus Christ.

My own bitter medicine is that it is not enough to parrot the words and the deeds of peace. For peace and compassion to take root in my heart, I must meet bitterness of this world with faith and hope. When I admit my weakness, and surrender my soul, I may truly shed my tears and grieve for the wounds we have inflicted upon our world. Yet these tears may someday cleanse me with understanding; it may awake my spirit one day so that my love will remain eternally pure and beautiful.

When I struggle inspite of the darkness, I begin to learn fortitude.

I have much to learn of giving. In the beginning, I gave for the reason that I may be recognized for who I am. That was false giving, and in the end (much too late), my own impulses rendered my gifts unwholesome. The true giving is that of giving without asking for reward. Such generosity is of the bounty of the universe.

I have yet still to learn the final crucible of giving --- that of giving inspite of pain. Sometimes I wonder how those who do manage. I see their faces, and the joy that is in their eyes transforms sthem into saints.

All this one day shall be gone from me --- so it is but time for me to give NOW, for all will be aught when I die, as I must.

I have tried --- and failed --- to hear Mass in this place. It has become more valuable in its absence, just like the saying goes. I try, however, in my own way, to live my life in the covenant as best as I could. I try to give my time to others as best as I can. I know fully well that the fruits of my labor are no longer mine to call my own. I hope to share as much of my life and love and being. Time runs its own course, and money --- well, it's just money.

I pray that I would have the gift to drive away the hunger of the spirit, just as so many others have done. It is not my aim to be remembered, but only that my life has achieved its own apex.

I have survived because of what others have made possible, for the many small deaths and sacrifices others have made for my sake. So, then, must I learn to die to myself and thus live forever.

In this light of the moon, I slip back into my own being and hope that what I have realized becomes a truth in action tomorrow.

The light and the glare of everyday life often drowns out in its din the silence of self-knowing. Will my hands allow me to be a gift in another person's life?

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

This is how God showed His love among us : He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice our sins. Since God has so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God, and God in him. We love because God first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God", yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, who he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. Christ has given us this command : Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

I John 3:7-12, 16b, 19-21

With thanks to Gerry Lumitao, who took this picture (I did some enhancements).

n.b. I actually wrote this last night but just posted it today.

Some Last Firsts...

in(s)ane ramblings: Last Firsts...

With thanks to Nikki.

1. What was the last new song you discovered? I haven't been listening to Western or even Filipino music lately, and Polish MTV is only my best source for new stuff (and they love techno over there). The remix of "Mais Que Nada" is almost sacrilegious but still very catchy. Fort Minor's "Where'd You Go" is the newest one (and very relevant) for me.

2. What was the last new dish you tasted? The last time I ate something "new" was eating some fried rice mix that was either Indian or Arabic in inspiration. It tasted strongly of curry and lamb. I'd like to go back and have some more of it, if only I could control my going to the toilet after I eat some.

3. Where was the last place you visited for the first time?Pagudpud in Ilocos Norte (this summer was the first time for me to visit). Foreign country: Shenzhen, China (2005).

4. Who was the last new person you met? Newly-arrived: my new Indian colleague. Last "new" met - an engineer whose exit interview I conducted.

5. What was the last new toy you played with? Yes, it's a toy - my new video camera. Still getting some fun shooting almost everything in sight.

Putting On A Good Face

INQ7 Business - Show me the money

I'm going back, a little, to Philippine politics because Tanya Lat wrote me back. She apparently read my post last March and decided to write me back. Seventeen years! Golly, that's a long time.

I purposely did not listen to the SONA or read the SONA of President Arroyo until recently because I knew it would be long on hyperbole and short of at the very least, honesty. Vision? PGMA threw that away the very day she threw her hat into the 2004 presidential derby. I did not even read up the sound bytes until today. As usual, most image-hungry politicians had reason to revel or to ravage the speech.

I only have the best wishes for those enlightened souls who struggle to give forth light to our people. It's just so inconvenient that the worst of alternatives to PGMA are the ones who are making the most noise.

So, for the benefit of the unprincipled, undiscerning, or the uncaring (take your pick) it's all about putting on a good face --- packaging rubbish in an expensive box, ring it around with tinsel on the one hand, or in another vein, giving out expensive, but fake, gift certificates. It all looks good, neh?

Would our people exchange their liberties for the image of material comfort, or the illusion of stability? But hey, the boat that easily sinks is the one that springs a leak in calm waters.

What we have here, is a simple mindtrap that we Filipinos must learn to unravel. True, it's great that we have democratic institutions and a seemingly free press. However, these are empty shells, in the words of F. Sionil Jose, "because the real essence of democracy does not exist here. And that real essence is in the stomach -- as when the taxi driver in Tokyo eats the same sashimi asthe Japanese emperor, or the bus driver in Washington who can eat the same steakas President Bush in the White House."

Would a man, then, surrender his freedoms for the prospect of having a good meal three times a day?

The thought comes to me that many of the freedoms that our people enjoy have been taken for granted, because they have not been hard-won. Or, at the very least, because we have not really encountered what it is to start thinking for ourselves and then be suppressed. The British, and by extension, the Americans, hold their liberties very dearly because of the long struggle they had to secure them.

Us? I don't think the synapses have started firing in many of our fellow Filipinos' minds. Our state of mind, our politics, have been more dependent on patronage, top-down so to speak. As I have very well experienced in the HR field, the top-down means of communication is really weak if the leaders are opportunistic or worse, lack integrity.

Filipinos have always been used to leadership providing benefits: allegiance is a matter of "what can you do for me?" instead of "how can I help?" Progress is given to us and made available to us by the State. We still believe that Great Leaders will show us the way into the Promised Land, instead of all of us pulling together for a common goal. It's ironic where bayanihan is a common Filipino trait, we often fail to recognize the bayani in our own fellows!

It should be the reverse. We don't lack morality because we are poor. We are poor because despite our Christian tradition, we lack morality in the public sphere. We cannot go on blaming government forever. Morally reprehensible any government can be, this is the same government we tolerate. The more we take responsibility for ourselves, the more it is possible for us to make our families better, to improve our communities, to reshape our nation.

But to do so, we must be free to think, free to choose, free to decide. Free to chart the course which leads to what would make us happy. Free, eventually, to mold ourselves and develop a sense of discipline not driven by fear of punishment but instilled with a zeal for the common good.

We don't need a mailed fist to enforce order if we ourselves CHOOSE to bring it about. The mailed fist just shuts up dissent, it doesn't change hard reality. That is the tragedy of Martial Law --- people have been conditioned to ignore hard reality for the comfort of lies. Our economy did not stagnate overnight; it was killed by rent-seekers who did no more but curry favor in exchange of monopolies or oligopolies. We lost the drive to compete because of the comfort of puwede na.

Placid waters do not mean there are no violent undercurrents.

We can no longer put on a good face that our administration is a rabid dog that has perverted the rule of law for its own purposes. No amount of perceived economic progress can hide that, and should the currents swirl their favor away from Asia, what then?

At the very least, we have to swallow the bitter pill that the rule of law would mean going beyond our comfort zones of puwede na. The rule of law made Japan, Korea, and Taiwan economic powers. Coups d'etat were a staple of Thai politics during the '80s but there was no interruption of foreign direct investment or concentrated government/business cooperation toward their objectives.

At the very least, we must not disassociate ourselves from the hard truth that our chain of progress is only as strong as its weakest link. There is no "Strong Republic" that allows the amount of disparity we have in our society.

To answer my own question, yes, I see this betrayal every day. So each day, for short-term benefits, we trade away our right to think, our right to question, our right to truth.

Until the next SONA, we will continue to eat stale crumbs pretending they are freshly-baked bread.

"The Lady Doth Protest Too Much, Methinks."

Over the last weekend, I have finally coped with the separation from the Philippines. I realize that every time you go back and/or encounter your loved ones after a long absence the task of disassociating from them becomes more and more difficult. I wonder how I’d be able to cope next year. We’ll see.

One of my friends, who is also based in the Gulf, has been ribbing me about the nature of my recent posts and my unnecessary preoccupation with an infatuation bordering on teenage puppy love. You can bet that that piece of foolishness serves its own purpose.

Oft-times, I reflect on the relevance of my own life and what the future bodes for me. I’d like to think that my life is proceeding on some sort of plan, some sort of central theme that would define my life when my time has come. That I do one particular thing should be indicative of the kind of value I would like to give.

I am under no illusions that I will be doing earth-shaking, now far removed from the days of my youth when such things seemed possible. Funny, when one is young one would love to conquer the whole world; a few years of perspective later, one would simply be content with a patch to call one’s own.

I also see clearly that the tenor of my life would not change even if I were to find someone in the near future and finally settle down. The focus may change, the perceived end-products may be different, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be drastically different. Instead of diffusing my passions all over the place, they would be centered on my own family.

Will my attaining my image of romantic love serve as a life-changer? Perhaps. I do hope so. But if it doesn’t, what then?

I live. The world goes on. I trust I’d be living my life in pretty much the same way, and know that love waits for me when I come home. With my family, it’s not something I have won for myself, but that doesn’t make their love any less true. With my friends, it’s something that reflects what I have given --- and when I expect less or nothing at all in return sometimes they surprise me.

So now, I’d rather admit to be alive and frivolous, rather than numb and serious. I may protest loudly and rail against being left behind. It may sound tawdry and may prove to be tedious for some, but it’s not their call anyway. It’s mine.

Sure, I'd wax poetic and cry, apparently, over seemingly trivial things in this world. I'd wear my heart out on my sleeve and hope that what I'm sharing will help someone realize his or her own life lessons.

The alternatives? Stay in my room and despair over the apparent end of the world? Rapture, indeed, say the TV evangelists. Else be bound to the demands of my job which will neither give me an award for my efforts nor miss me when I am gone?

It's a no-brainer, baby! Mine thinking to protest much more, I daresay.

* * * * *

Some random thoughts . . .

Is it me or is our Internet service getting slower and slower? Getting harder to post!

Ugh! I haven't written in Filipino so long I've become constipated in the language. Have to do something about that, hmmm... Thanks to Mals for her short comment.

It's the hot and humid time of the year in the Dammam area and it isn't too much fun to go out. Most fellows though who have notions of losing weight say this is the best time for exercise. However, the reduced oxygen and increased moisture in the air can do bad things for you. One of our senior colleagues thought to play a little tennis during this time of the year. The guy suffered a mild stroke, and he got away lightly, I would say. Sans air conditioning, it is likely people will drop like flies in the heat.

We're back to rehearsing my second directorial job, Manuel Buising's "Tumbampreso" (Palanca First Prize Winner for One-Act Play in Filipino, 1988). It's good to get going on this again. Still struggling with the translation of the title for our marketing campaign though. Is it "Hit the Can" (in the mechanics of the game), "Drop the Target" (again more on the mechanics), or "Bowl for Prisoners" (theme of the play, but I'll give the story away)? Whatever. It will come to me. Soon.

Dahil Ayaw Po Nilang Magpaawat

Dahil ayaw po nilang magpaawat
Ilang daan ang nasalanta
Dahil ayaw po nilang magpaawat
Pati bata naging mga biktima

Maipapakain pa sa mga gutom
Ang kanilang ideyolohiya?

Dahil ayaw po nilang magpaawat
Dati'y gusot ngayo'y sugat na
Dahil ayaw po nilang magpaawat
Nadamay na ang walang-sala.

Kung nais mo ng katarungan
Maging karapat-dapat ka
Kung nais mo ng kapayapaan
Maging malaya't payapa ka

At kung nabasag ang katahimikan
Nawa'y magpakahinahon ha
Kung gusto mo lamang magkaganti
Matigilan ka lang naman sana

Kahit sa kabilang dako ng mundo'y
Naglalagablab ang giyera
Hindi maaaring tumalikod
Hindi maaaring magbalewala

Kapag dumayo si Kamatayan
At ang mahal mo ang ginapas
Puwede bang iharap ang prinsipyo
At ito ang gawing lunas?

Pasensya na't ganito na lang ang aking maibabahagi sa ngayon. Araw-araw na lamang ang sumasabog na balita ay ang giyera sa Lebanon. Nagmula lamang sa pagdakip ng mga sundalong Israeli at ilang rocket sa mga siyudad ng Israel, ngayon kay rami nang namatay.

Bato lang ang hindi maaantig sa mga makikita sa telebisyon - mga wasak na gusali, mga nakaratay na bangkay, mga nasusunog na sasakyan, at higit sa lahat, mga sugatan at patay na bata.

Hindi na maiwawasto ng mga Ingles at ng mga Amerikano ang kahayupang nagganap sa mga Hudyo noong World War II. Ngunit hindi titigil ang digmaan hanggang mayroon pa ring bansang Israel.

Hindi ako galit sa Hudyo at Israeli, pero isang malaking pagkakamali ng kasaysayan ang pagkakabuo ng modernong bansa ng Israel. Ilang dantaong itong hawak ng mga Arabo at walang sapat na kapangyarihan ang mga Hudyo para mabawi nilang ang kanilang lupain, ang Lupain ng Pangako.

Hindi rin naman ako kontra sa nakalathala sa Bibliya, pero ang huling malayang estadong pinamumunuan ng Hudyo ay bago pa pinanganak si Kristo. Simula noon, pumailalim ang Palestine sa iba't ibang kaharian at lahi -- mula sa mga Griyego, sa mga Romano, at sa huli sa mga Muslim na Ottoman hanggang sa mapunta ito sa mga Ingles noong ika-20 siglo.

Nasaan nakalathala na karapat-dapat ibalik ang lupang ito sa mga Hudyo?

Sa kabilang dako, iba ang kahalagahan at papel na ginagampanan ng Hezbollah sa buhay ng mga tao sa Lebanon. Hindi lamang siya isang lugar para ipahayag ang paniniwalang pulitikal, siya rin ay isang huwaran ng maka-sibikang mamamayan. Kumbaga, parang kasama na ang Hezbollah sa bituka ng masa sa Lebanon.

Paano mo susugpuin ang kaaway na ganito? Sa bawat isang namamatay ngayon, lalung-lalo na kung walang kinalaman sa Hezbollah, ay tiyak dalawa o higit pa ang papalit sa kanya. Kahit lusubin ang bawat purok sa timog na bahagi ng Lebanon, hindi nila makukuha ang lahat ng bomba dahil ang iba'y tinatago sa ilalim ng kama ng mga kaalyado nila.

Ilagay mo ang sarili mo sa kanilang katayuan --- sinong tutulungan mo, ang iyong kababata't kapanalig sa pananampalataya, o ang dayuhan?

Gayunpaman, prinsipyo ng karuwagan ang pinaiiral ng Hezbollah. Kay tagal na silang nagkaroon ng pagkakataong ilunsad ang kanilang paniniwala, ngunit mistulang nagtatago sila sa saya ng mga Lebanese. Ang unang pumisil sa gatilyo ay ang maysala, kahit sabihin nating makatarungan siya. Ang masasabi ko lang ay ganito: Gagawa ka lang ng kagaguhan, lubus-lubusin mo na at siguraduhin mong panalo ka. Eh kung pisil lang ginawa mo at sakmal ang ibinalik sa iyo, pasensya ka na. Tapos hindi naman ikaw ang nababawian. Duwag.

Malabisan man ang pagganti ng Israel, mauunawaan at makikita mo rin ang katuwiran nila sa kanilang pagsalakay. 'Yun nga lang, sila rin ang naghuhukay ng sarili nilang kabaong.

Syria at Iran. 'Yan ang nakaabang sa inyo. Kahit tumalikod na ang karamihan ng mga bansang Muslim sa panig ng Hezbollah, ito lamang ang mga pamunuan at hindi mga mamamayan nila. Asahan ninyong maitutuon sa isipan ng henerasyon ngayon ng Muslim at sa susunod pa --- dapat pawiin ang Israel para sadyang mawala na ang mga kinasusuklamang Hudyo. Dapat pahirapan at pagpapatayin ang mga Amerikano at ibang hindi kasama sa pananampalataya.

Poot at kasamaan ang itinanim ng bawat kampo dahil sa gulong ito. At araw-araw na may digmaan, ilan pa ang gustong makialam --- bukal man ang kanilang pakay para sa kapayapaan o HINDI. Mas malamang HINDI.

Magpaawat na kayo, kaibigan.

So That I'll Know

Plucked out from one of the old Friday Five entries. It's nice for me to look back.

1. 10 years ago what did you think you would be doing now? --- Working in show business. Really. Not as an actor, mind, but writing songs and scripts. On the flip side, running my own hip night spot.

2. Where do you think you will be in 5 years from now? --- Most likely, working outside of the Philippines. I hope not in Saudi Arabia. Correction, I pray it wouldn’t be in Saudi Arabia. Alternatively, I would have figured out a great way for me to come back to the Philippines.

3. Do you live life one day at a time or look to the future? --- Both. It’s not like I plan every moment of each day, but I do have set time frames to achieve some goals and/or assess how well am I getting along in my life.

4. Do you wish you could go back in time and undo something in your life? --- All the time, baby! All the time.

5. If you could send a message back in time and give a younger version of yourself some advice, what would it be? --- I’d say to my 15-year old self: “Things will turn upside down and everything will be a lot more difficult. But never sell yourself short, and my goodness, never start anything you don’t mean to finish!”

Just Because It's Sweet

I'm posting an oldie from Manhattan Transfer - "Smile Again" (Music: Jay Graydon/David Foster/Bill Champlin, Words: Alan Paul). My eldest brother was an R&B fan (he got into Earth, Wind & Fire particularly) and he bought MT's "Mecca for Moderns" which features this cut. We also had the previous LP "Extensions" on cassette but I prefer "Mecca" more.

I just realized this song is 25 years old. I first heard it when I was 10 years old. Shoot, I'm getting old. I remember, back when I was a freshman in high school, answering one of those scrapbooks girls collect and the question asked was: What's your favorite song? Most of my classmates invariably answered a New Wave song after the other ("Melt With You" and "Blasphemous Rumours" topped the list) and guess what square old Moi answered?

You bet. This song. I also put in "Alone At Last" by Neil Sedaka, which was SOOOO WRONG. Neil frickin' Sedaka? R&B and jazz could make you a little more hip, as in older, more sophisticated, but Neil frickin' Sedaka? I bet the girl who owned that book would have ripped that page out for that comment alone, and it probably cost me one million pogi points, not that I had that amount to start with, anyhow. It's like hanging an "L" sign over my head, or better yet, spray-painting the word HOMO on my chest. Neil Sedaka indeed. Come to think of it, there were yet other comments I vaguely remember that give me cause for regret.

Back on track again. I'm puttting this on just because it's sweet, because it did, indeed, make me smile and chuckle again for by-gone times, and most especially, because of the hope that there would be a person that would make me sing this song wholeheartedly.

This song is for all those spending time away from their Significant Others tonight...

Endless nights I'd play solitaire
Imagining that you were here
One night flights -- such heartless affairs
They froze the hopes of love in me

You suddenly appeared
Melted all my fears
Filled me with the love I need

You make me smile again
Like a child of three
And I believe it will turn out right baby
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love

Heart to heart our souls intertwine
Make love and float away with me
Twins of flame a love so divine
I want to spend my life around you

Now, now I have the strength
Now I have the hopes
You give me all I need

To make me smile again
Like a child of three
And I believe it will work out right
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love

You make me smile again
Like a child of three
Oh I believe we'll live a dream for two
Oh you make me smile again
Hold me in your arms
Oh love, my love

Enriching Your Vocabulary

F Word - The F word and its many uses

Haha! I just had to share this one. Never thumb up your nose for whatever knowledge out there... I posted this in test blog by mistake.

Thanks to Robert. Meantime, the quest for a compelling blog topic continues . . .

I'm sick of self-flagellation and Middle East politics is so darned predictable it's downright boring. Ideas, anyone?

And Then The House Fell Down...

eveningdrive: Summer, S.H.A.R.E. and Alicia Silverstone

I can't believe it! My buddy Robert has finally made it to the blog scene!

That means the world must be ending --- this house of cards is falling down, baby!

Seriously, from where my buddy comes from, he is so left-field his mind works in another ballpark! And then some!

Okay, let's see where this leads. Compare the following stuff from Robert 10 years ago with what I wrote in "Worshipping Beauty":

Unless of course, you females, being the sneaky lot you are, have found another way to twist us poor men into pitiful wretches, helpless puddles of slime who are always there for your convenience and your endless, impossible demands, and then leaving our withered husks by the roadside to the carrion eaters as you move on to your next game, your next conquest, your next prey. Watching. Stalking. Waiting intently for the time when he is most vulnerable, then snatching his soul and ripping his spirit apart into bloody shreds, rending him with claws of malice and guilt, tearing him with fangs of lies and promised affection, revelling in the spiritual, bloody gore that spills from his shattered being, then howling with delight at the full moon, as what was once a man stares at you with the eyes of the dead, with life gone, spirit broken, dreams shattered into a thousand tiny shards of despair. The memory of your face, a wraith feeding on his fevered brain, the sound of your voice a curse burning his ears 'til he can no longer hear the screeching sound of his heart breaking , his agonized shouts begging to break out past gray, cadaverous lips. Lips that still remember the sweetness of yours, never tasting the poisoned taint 'til it was too late! Lips of yours that kissed and drew blood, a kiss of cruelty that shouts louder than the deafening silence of the night, unformed tears surrendering to your call: "I own you now. To do what I will, to be crucified along the roadside to entertain the passers-by, to tell them that I have taken you, and there you will rot. You will consume yourself in your desire to please me, you will forget who you are to always remember me, and you will toss away your dignity because I have no use for it. For you are mine, to do what I will!" Harbringers of pain and misery, agents of passion and bedevilment, what weapons can we men wield against you? What shield will protect us from your angelic smile and the hidden, venom-wrapped blade behind your back? What wall can we cower behind, to hide from the spectre of your touch and its dark, forbidden promises? What can save us from your infinite, deadly charms? What will eventually earn us redemption from the purgatory that you make of our world?

Nothing.

And so we die.

*END*

Yup, I did unscrupulously rip him off. Best praise I can give him yet.

Welcome to blogging, Robert!

I Want to Be Happy...

in(s)ane ramblings: happy talk

The link that Nikki provides is fab --- I'd like to turn it around several times to see where the argument goes, but granted it's true ---

Saudi Arabia at 89? Over Denmark at 99?

Huh?

Well, don't know what they used as factors for the study but let me put it this way:
1) I sleep better when I'm living here
2) I watch my diet better too
3) I'm less likely to abuse my body
4) I get more meaningful exercise
5) I'm much more self-reliant

Shoot, yeah, malling and the night life in the Philippines are a different experience, you are spoiled for choice when it comes to women, and cable TV is much more value-added.

Apart from those?

Export my family and loved ones over here, and you can keep the Philippines all to yourselves.

Yup, you can never be too happy but you can definitely try. (and Niks, I totally empathize. The miles apart from someone you love can be SOOOOOOO frustrating and heart-wrenching. O.k., o.k., I put my foot in my mouth again!)

Some bits and pieces...

I'm midway through A Storm of Swords, the third installment to George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire. The first two books (A Game of Thrones, A Clash of Kings) have been riveting enough ... I've been reading the series only one week or so and I can't wait for the next installments. The series doesn't have the grand scale of Robert Jordan's A Wheel of Time, but the writing is soooo much better and the characters are much more palpable. Speaking of Jordan, I haven't read Knife of Dreams yet. I can hold off my desire on this, I'd rather look for A Feast for Crows by Martin. Shame the last book in Ice & Fire is still being written...

Odds for a repeat for Miami are 5:1, about the same as the Spurs winning the championship. Mavs take first spot at 4:1. The Motor City Boys dropped from 5:1 to 7:1 after the Big Ben trade, and the Bulls moved up from 30:1 to 12:1 via same trade.

Want to make a pile of money on a real longshot? Put some money for the Knicks (150:1) to win the whole enchilada, and while you're at it, double the fun with the TrailBlazers (300:1)...

Isn't it interesting how so many people got into the Zidane headbutting issue? Now that's the World Cup for you. Sooner or later, we'll have peace conferences about behavior on the soccer pitch. Come on, give us a break! The guy behaved badly, his antagonist is less than forthcoming about what was said that caused the fracas, and sport is sport, no matter the trash-talking.

The French already lost the Cup, most probably because of Zidane's send-off (he could have given the French some more confidence in the penalties). I'm of a mind they should have awarded the Golden Ball to someone else as a matter of principle, and worse things have happened and people have hardly battered an eyelash. Let's move on! ...

Our satellite TV service got the E! Europe channel and I got to watch an episode of "Girls from the Playboy Mansion." As you can divine, watching TV over here has a reason to become pleasurable, hehe.

A Small Imposition

This will be my 200th post. Not exactly in the chronology of this blog, since I started this only in February 2005 and the posts dated prior to that were just my means to capture my thoughts since the beginning of my stay here in the Middle East.

Please forgive this small imposition of this short prayer written by Trappist monk and renowned mystic Thomas Merton - I'm not sure whether this is the original text or derived from it, since I got it second-hand from the La Salle Brothers. This prayer has always inspired me even in my darkest hours.

No matter how lost I may seem, He has made it possible for me to find Him and know the right way.

* * * * *

My Lord God, I have no idea of where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, You will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are with me.

Aftermath

Just to show you that I can poke fun at myself, I'm offering some of the sappy songs of the Beatles from their early albums to show to what depths I could fall into if I were actually singing them (with feelings, natch!) ---

I'll Cry Instead - vocals by John Lennon - from "Help!"

I've got every reason on earth to be mad,
'cause I've just lost the only girl I had.
And if I could get my way,
I'd get myself locked up today,
But I can't so I cry instead.

I've got a chip on my shoulder that's bigger than my feet,
I can't talk to people that I meet.
And if I could see you now,
I'd try to make you sad somehow,
But I can't so I cry instead.

Don't want to cry when there's people there,
I get shy when they start to stare,
I'm gonna hide myself away, ay hay;
But I'll come back again someday.

And when I do you'd better hide all the girls,
I'm gonna break their hearts all 'round the world.
Yes, I'm gonna break them in two,
And show you what your loving man can do,
Until then I'll cry instead.

Don't want to cry when there's people there,
I get shy when they start to stare,
I'm gonna hide myself away, ay hay;
But I'll come back again someday.

And when I do you'd better hide all the girls,
'cause I'm gonna break their hearts all 'round the world.
Yes, I'm gonna break them in two,
And show you what your loving man can do,
Until then I'll cry instead.

I'm A Loser - vocals by John Lennon - from "Beatles for Sale"

I'm a loser
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be

Of all the love I have won or have lost
There is one love I should never have crossed
She was a girl in a million, my friend
I should have known she would win in the end

I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be

Although I laugh and I act like a clown
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown
My tears are falling like rain from the sky
Is it for her or myself that I cry

I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be

What have I done to deserve such a fate
I realize I have left it too late
And so it's true, pride comes before a fall
I'm telling you so that you won't lose all

I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be

* * * * * *

Okay --- that's enough for now.

Italy kicks butt at the World Cup! Nice to see that adversity has allowed this squad to bloom. Anyhow, the squad was pretty much untouchable throughout the tournament, torching its group rivals before revving it up another notch in the semifinal against Germany. Yup, the Australians could have handed their lunches to them during the Round of 16, but luck --- and that pinch of anima --- carried the Azzurri through and they pretty much bitch-slapped Ukraine in the quarters.

I would have wanted Brazil to win its sixth World Cup --- I'm not much a fan of European football but what the Germans and the Italians brought was GREAT! I'm not a fan of the French, or the British with their constipated way of playing football. France, of course, were the superior team throughout the crossover stages, upending favored Spain in the Round of 16 and then surprising Brazil in the quarters with a 1-0 victory. How they could have had a major meltdown in the final after progressively growing stronger is inexplicable --- well, they did blow hot-and-cold in the group stage and barely qualified.

I'd like to salute the Germans for putting forth a well-organized, memorable Cup.

* * * * * *

Federer swats Nadal, then outlasts him at Wimbledon. I don't like Rafael Nadal. Correction: I dislike Rafael Nadal, his less-than-welcome pugnacity, his overblown panache. I do like his enthusiasm, his never-say-die attitude, and his relentlessness. These attributes are great for the sport. But never call him a master of anything so long as he only wins primarily on clay. Thomas Muster used to be like a machine on clay, and look what respect he got (to the point that Andre Agassi refused to recognize his No. 1 ranking). To his credit, Nadal is a quick learner on grass, and the rivalry with Federer looks to be more legit than the so-called rivalry between Federer and Andy Roddick (who, incidentally, falls out of the top 10).

I am a fan of chaps like Federer --- and along the same line, Tim Duncan, Pete Sampras, Bjorn Borg, Hakeem Olajuwon, Larry Bird, the oft-forgotten Marvin Hagler, Gabriel "Flash" Elorde, Paeng Nepomuceno, the little-recognized Miguel Indurain, and gulp! (jologs alert!) - Alvin Patrimonio. They bring their A-game most consistently, play with beautiful fundamentals, and let their games - not their agents or press handlers - do the talking.

* * * * * *

Miami win the NBA championship, and then some. This comment is late --- but I have to say it. You've got to hand it to Shaq - he promised a championship, and the Heat got one. Of course, it's all about Dwayne Wade, but without a legit low-post presence, the Heat couldn't have done it. As to Dallas, I tip my hat to Dirk Nowitzki, but he still has to prove he has the heart of a champion. Well, maybe next year. And please, Mark Cuban has to stop whining.

As to the negative karma of Pat Riley (finally --- he sheds all of the burdens he carried since he backstabbed the Knicks in 1995) and Alonzo Mourning (don't serve him up any pity, he had to earn this one really badly), they just had enough mojo to get through --- given that only Detroit was the only real competition.

However, Detroit was a step slower (mainly because Ben Wallace is in decline) and coach Flip Saunders just showed he's only great for the regular season but is a choker during the playoffs (pencil in Rick Adelman and Mike Dunleavy here too). That they released Wallace through free agency was a foregone conclusion. That the Chicago Bulls overpaid Wallace with $15 million a year for four years is also certain. Maybe with their moves, including dealing Tyson Chandler to the New Orleans Hornets for PJ Brown and JR Smith, could win them the title come next June. Or maybe not.

As to the West, I feel only Dallas and Phoenix can make major noise - Dallas mainly by fielding the same team minus (probably) deadweight like Keith Van Horn, et al, Phoenix because Amare Stoudemire is coming back. Who knows? They might face each other in the Conference finals. I still like San Antonio, but after losing both their centers in the offseason and still some iffiness in their guard line-up (no back-up for Tony Parker), questions remain. Hope they convince a veteran free agent to sign for less bucks like they did with Michael Finley.

Lakers? Come on! The guys to watch in L.A. are the Clippers. Here's to them dusting off their rivals and I hope this time they'll hold up long enough to finally undo all the bad karma and even worse decisions made by management that have plagued their organization.

These 2006 playoffs, I had them and the Spurs meeting in the West finals (even if the Mavs did hold a 3-1 cushion). I also had the Cavs winning the tiff with the Pistons, but it looks like Lebron James is not that good or experienced enough (besides, his supporting cast sucks) to lift his team over a tested team like the Pistons.

If the Celtics pull off a major trade and give Pierce a legitimate sidekick, I have them winning the Atlantic. I just love the Celts, so sue me. New Jersey is the wise pick though. The Sixers are washed-up, while Toronto may surprise with their new line-up. Forget the Knicks, are they still in the NBA?

In Central, it's going to be tough with Cleveland and Detroit banging it out for the lead. Intriguing dark horses would be Chicago and the new-look Milwaukee Bucks, who dumped TJ Ford for Charlie Villanueva. As to Indiana, maybe they will, maybe they won't finally come out with a sure-win team.

Down in the Southeast, Orlando, not Washington, would seem to be the threat to Miami's reign. Will Dwight Howard finally make the Big Leap and become a true superstar? Atlanta and Charlotte will fight out for the scraps. The blueprint for Charlotte looks well-thought out, they just need luck at the lottery and hopefully attract a good free agent when they could finally afford to splurge. Plus, they Michael Jordan at the helm; maybe his basketball brains would count for something despite his bombing-out with the Wizards.

Over at Southwest, Dallas-San Antonio is the top draw but this division is loaded. You've got the Grizzlies and the Rockets as legit threats and the Hornets almost made it to the playoffs last year. Despite the talent of McGrady and Yao, I think overall the Rockets team is poorly-constructed and what's worse, they have the wrong coach. Maybe Rick Adelman as coach could help, he did revive the Sacramento Kings back in the day...

As to the runt of the Western litter, the Northwest, it's a division that is Denver's to lose. Portland is rebuilding, Seattle is going nowhere, Minnesota is mired in mediocrity and Kevin Garnett's monster contract, and only Utah is the bright spot assuming the Jazz are injury-free.

The Pacific may be the emerging powerhouse with a revitalized Kings squad featuring Ron Artest pushing for space at the top against Phoenix and the Clippers. The Lakers may surprise; they do have Kobe (guaranteed 15 wins with him alone) and maybe with more guard help they'll win more games. The Warriors are terminal; let's forget about them.

Barring injuries and bad luck, I see a Miami-Cleveland face-off in the East. With the new playoff rules in place, I figure it would be Dallas-San Antonio, though it could very well be Phoenix or the Clippers who would take either one or both their places. Now THAT would be intriguing.

Can't call for a champion just as yet, though a Cleveland-LA Clippers NBA final series would be a DOOOOOOZZZZY! Imagine two franchises formerly consigned to obscurity finally reaching the top of the heap. (sidebar: I watched a classic game - the Christmas Day 1977 game of the Cavs and the then-Buffalo Braves. Only Walt Frazier and Cazzie Russell on the Cavs rung bells. No others -though Sven Nater and Randy Smith of the Braves brought some memories. What a game!)

* * * * * *

Yup, I'm recovered. George RR Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire is great! Should have started my collection ages ago.

Un-selling the Drama

I have just returned to my desk in Dammam and it’s been quite a while since I put anything into this blog. First, it was in part to the horrendous connection speed our home PC puts up. In part because we only have one telephone at home and I can’t hog precious airtime. In part because our home PC is in a room that I have to share with other people and I can’t stay up late and disturb their sleep.

It was, also, in part, that I’m learning not to put down my feelings as if SOMEONE OUT THERE would notice. No matter how many times I put my heart out on my sleeve, no matter how I try to be clever, there just isn’t anyone.

I would like to believe that someone would understand my despair. Now, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I live my life to the fullest, and discharge my duties as best as I could to those to whom I am accountable.

During my vacation, the best times of my days were offered to my family – my sister who had gotten married, my sister who was tested by illness, my mother. Naturally, being the kind of person I am, it was hard for me not to play the part of reprobate against the part of quintessence of morality which defined my life overseas.

I offer no excuses and seek no absolution. Still, what dominated my life emotionally was my pushing for a resolution --- to find an eligible young woman who, given time, would agree to be my life partner. Apparently the one to whom I have concentrated my efforts did not agree with my assessment.

My first instinct was to find something to blame. As it is, there was … nothing. I wasn’t the person she had in mind and I had little opportunity to make her see me in the best possible light. I tried to make the best out of being disappointed and heartbroken. I almost succeeded.

Do my feelings really matter in all this? We-ell, considering the state of affairs where…

…children in Africa are under constant threat by warfare, disease, and famine
…the war in Iraq continues to be an even bigger quagmire by the day
… Jews and Arabs really cannot get along and so the vendettas, air strikes, suicide bombings, kidnappings, and prisoner torture go on without let-up
…nukes in Korea and Iran may spark a conflagration that would end the world as we know it
…gas prices keep on going up as a result of the tensions in the Middle East
…fellow Filipinos will kill each other for gambling winnings (never mind what else is going on in the country)
…somewhere out there this very minute a child is being raped, abused, or otherwise demeaned

I’d like to say it would be an even match, hahahaha! The delusion ends right there, and all around me, life goes on --- and the drama of my life is just what it is: another drama. It is the only universe I know, but out there, with the lives of other people where

… a rags-to-riches story like Manny Pacquiao would capture the heart of an entire nation, and inspires more worldwide
…young people continue to volunteer their time and talent to provide learning and economic opportunities to those who have less in life
…professionals strive despite the physical and emotional difficulties of working overseas to provide a better life for their families
…couples keep the faith to their marriage vows in the face of so many broken relationships
…new and wonderful things are being discovered about the nature of our life and our universe, mostly by young scientists
…young voices are making themselves heard --- literally in the field of music and figuratively through their expressions in dance and literature

My life drama is only as significant as I make it to be. So now I got to chin up, face tomorrow, whatever. I can’t be fixed today, maybe I can’t bring myself to fix myself tomorrow. But hey, I’m still alive, I draw breath each day and I am in command of my faculties to be of use to somebody.

The hurt would go away. Yeah, maybe. But I am still broken.

For the first time in so many months, it doesn't really matter if no one OUT THERE really cares.

Inexact

Organizing weddings is an inexact science. If there is any exactness about the youngest of social sciences - political science - that's the kind of exactness you will have (and probably less) when you have a wedding.

I wish we could have done some things differently that would have made my sister's wedding more special than it was already. Of course there were some miscues that could have been altogether prevented with more foresight and delegation. However, hindsight, as they say, offers 20/20 vision all the way.

Meantime, take a load of me in this picture. Dang, I look wider than ever! Hmmm... must study old pictures to motivate self to exercise more. This was a great shot care of our eldest brother. Great timing on the shot, and most of all, it included me in it, hahahahahaha!

The experience of this wedding also offers succinct advice to anyone (I mean anyone) who is contemplating making a lifetime commitment such as marriage:

• All relationships are about roles - you take the role that is required of you in the relationship, and adjust to it accordingly. And, however set or rigid your personality is, you always have to make an adjustment. I'm sure this is a lesson exercised daily by this couple, as they had met in a later stage of their lives. Younger people may have the advantage of growing into a relationship, but they may not have the maturity to make an accurate read and thus make the wrong decisions.
• It is always better to visualize what kind of life you will be living with your partner. This is both an exercise in creativity and in realism. The creativity entailed is that of projecting the status of the relationship and stretching it over a longer continuum, while the realism, simply, is to limit the idealism and wishful thinking to make such a projection free of sentimentality. Cold-blooded? Not necessarily, but since it is more costly to get into something half-planned and spend your life trying to extricate yourself out of it than it is to refuse getting into it in the first place, a plan almost always works. Which leads to...
• After holding out so long, if the wish list is too tough or doesn't work, throw it out and start with a new game plan. My ate did this and I'll give it two years before I change my call as "toss-up." Just to be fair to both of them. I don't know exactly what her game plan was given her relationship choices over the last ten years and I didn't pry, but this move, though not exactly sudden, was unexpected and refreshing. I believe they will get along famously, but my natural skepticism creeps in on this one.
• Keep things simple. Man + woman = love, children, and careers. Begin with the end in mind, which is happiness for both of you. Naturally, one would suppose children is a natural part of the equation, but for some couples, maybe children shouldn't be the norm. In this day and age, the desire for progeny, while natural, isn't necessarily the best choice. Some couples really couldn't cut it as parents. And --- we can all do our part by helping keep the world population in check. As to careers, they just don't cut the mustard on the priority meter UNLESS they were what that brought the couple together in the first place. In this couple's case, careers play a more important role.
• Savor the journey. Hey, things may not work exactly like you planned, so get ready to suck it up to handle disappointment. We are all on borrowed time, anyway, so make the best out of every situation. As in every situation. Yup, this could be the toughest discipline to maintain.
• There is no formula to relationship success. I don't want to point out any specific people that I know because they will not be able to offer any defense, and besides, it's just my point of view (okay, stop the disclaimer already --- too defensive!). There is just isn't any way to intellectualize you and your partner to follow a specific plan outlined by the relationship experts. What I've learned in life is that there are no best practices, only best fit. If this is so with companies, more so for one-on-one relationships because they serve as the building blocks of all sorts of relationships. So, before you get frustrated that your partner isn't coming up to spec, it's not necessarily his or her fault.
• Back to the beginning --- relationships are about negotiation, giving and receiving concessions, and keeping commitments. Of course, in order to keep the relationship moving the partners should be hard enough on themselves as to the commitments they keep to themselves and to one another. The only exception to this and all the other things I've mentioned is that if they are happy and the life they are living is consistent with their own individual and shared values. That's how things will be measured in the end, anyway.

As to me, I also wonder about the inexactitude of attraction. Que sera, sera. She will either come around or not, or another may replace her, or not. I wish she would, because it feels right by me, but then again, in any relationship, however world-girding the unrequited passion may be, it is still unrequited, and the relationship score is ZERO.

That's the only exact score I have right now. Insh'Allah, we will score a few winning points in the next few days. As God wills.

Worshipping Beauty

One author once wrote that beauty is best appreciated by someone, who, upon seeing something beautiful and fully appreciating it, sees the gulf dividing him and it. The true worshipper is the one who gazes on from afar.

(Or so it goes. I can’t claim this to be my original idea, but I don’t want to do the writer any injustice by misquoting him terribly.)

I used to think of this as another aphorism. Now I know this to be true.

I am in love with beautiful things. They can range from the delicate asymmetry of seashells, the careful intricacy of mosaics, or the splash of color in an impressionist painting. I like the contrast of the parched earth and the burning sun, or the lacy contrails of lightning that herald the rain.

I marvel at the grandeur of architectural wonders --- the grandest ones I’ve been in have been the old churches that dot my native land, but I also am intrigued by simplicity by which the function becomes the form in well-designed edifices.

Some people say I have the gift of song. No, I politely disagree; I have been gifted to have listened to the songs of others. Or to have the space I inhabit imbued by the music to which my elders loved listening. I have been gifted to be able to know which music could be good and others which are great.

Most others believe I have the gift of words. I never disagree then; but only ask those who give praise to read and try to understand. As to the others who don’t read … I will cast whatever treasures I may to them. Only then could the cycle be complete, for true beauty can never be contained or truly possessed. It must be shared.

Which brings us now to the beauty of the human form --- yes, I certainly could use more of the kind of sultriness that speaks to humans on an animal level --- not just the one-boner, but certainly the two- or three-boner kind. (If you don’t have any understanding of this, just pretend you do… and no, I haven’t experienced beauty of a four-boner variety. My body just couldn’t hack it and I really don’t have that salacious bent that others have.)

But that’s just beauty that speaks only to one sense. I also see beauty that shines from within; something that illuminates the eyes or the gestures of people and make them transcend the boundaries of their bodies. I see this mostly in the eyes of truly devoted mothers, especially the ones who are deathly poor. The love they have for their children simply overwhelms whatever privation they are experiencing. It is nothing short of miraculous.

And what about the beauty that is forbidding, the one I spoke about in the beginning?

I talk about a “beautiful” person and something within that person’s eyes, movements, speech, exact words appeal to me in such a way that I feel awkward, oafish, misshapen, unwanted, unappealing. I am under no illusions as to how appealing a person I am; neither do I allow myself to be oppressed by those who judge me by my looks and find me wanting.

Still, I am overwhelmed by the thought of someone truly beautiful --- whose physical form is shaped by even more powerful forces within. They are a gift of God to the universe, and no matter how the person himself or herself is as imperfect as each of us mortals are, their own failure to realize themselves does not detract anything from the beauty with which they are imbued. In fact, such beauty is magnified by it because it is unadorned or at times unaware.

(Yeah, I am rambling.)

Such beauty then, affects me such that the heart races, and then STOPS.

I am ultimately overjoyed and yet find my own inadequacy soul-crushing.

The composer Rey Valera puts it another way --- such beauty is to be worshipped, not only loved. The Divine, in His complete understanding, cannot help but allow me this conceit for He has allowed such beauty to be its cause.

No matter if the one I behold twists me into a pitiful wretch, into a helpless puddle of protoplasmic slime. No matter if I, forever supplicant, would give in to each and every one of your endless and impossible demands. No matter, that I who have fallen into depravity, will sell my soul that you may quench its very life and leave my husk on some forgotten roadside.

No matter if I am just another step to another of your conquests, that you may lace my life with a slight smile that will burst my spirit into flame, and yet rending that same spirit with guilt of not doing as you please. Forever the memory of your face is imprinted into my brain, and if by some wicked turn of Pavlov you make me jump through hoops of fire or perform parlor tricks for your own amusement, I will go about such business in the most hangdog manner possible.

No matter if my fevered brain churns out words so desperately so that I could just make you keep on talking, that I may revel in whatever tale you spin, however inane or what’s worse, false.

I look at such beauty and only then do I comprehend the true meaning of despair. How can one such as I hold her close to me?

And yet, even one who despairs must harbor even the smallest drip, an iota, of hope. For such devotion, so long as it be true, can never be destroyed. It is the same promise for me that despite the hard road, no more can I reverse the flow of gravity than can I corrupt the meaning of such beauty.

Only God can do that. So I pray, just as I pray to Him, that even as I am betrayed by my own frailty, that He will lead me to my own designated shore, be it hers or some other’s. Though I am almost certain I will delude myself and break my heart again; it is just my nature that I will keep on doing so.

I have seen something, no, someone, truly beautiful and though I have just caught a glimpse of what she could be, I can only despair of how far apart we could be as people, just as I despair that in a few days I will fly away and be bereft of her presence for another year. Not even knowing what she would think. Or much worse, knowing that she can give no more than kind regards.

No one needs to cast auguries to see that this can be purgatory.

May it just lead me to Heaven someday.

(And you, you who have inspired this post, you must know who you are. I have no wish to deny what I feel for to be untrue to you is to be untrue to all that I hold true in myself, and all that I value. Yes, all of this can end badly, especially for me. Even so, hope springs eternal.)

Flips, Flops, Vindication

Willing Exile: I Still Believe

I've just been here in Manila for a few days and usual, feeling my way through is part of the fun as the real fun is. Usually.

Coming back to the house, I was assaulted by color overload! For those of you who have watched "Fools Rush In" remember what Salma Hayek did to the paint job of Matthew Perry's house? Something like that.

Everything feels so small. (Because you've gotten so big.) That's what everyone says. Remember that line where you are supposed to perservere no matter what people tell you. The thing is, oftentimes that's true.

Internet connectivity in the Philippines, is astoundingly SLOW, despite our economic managers' assertions to the contrary. Truth of the matter is, the quantity of Internet connections is not yet enough. The quality is also poor.

On the flip side though, I haven't really put in too much money into this whole Internet thing. It's a shame though that my folks had to abandon my old service (it was reliable, and I thought my created e-mail address would last forever). There is still some value in investing.

Just a few observations from my two weeks' stay here in the Philippines ---

Flop: The whole idea of the Da Vinci Code the movie.
Flip: I am now even cooler because I actually read the book before watching the movie.
Vindication: Someone out there is eating crow and it's not me.

Flop: The Miami Heat are down 0-2 in their series against Dallas. While I am not a supporter of each team (I'm a Celtics diehard), I do want to see Shaquille O'Neal get a measure of vindication over the Kobe business and his resultant landing in South Beach.
Flip: That they actually made it to the Finals in the first place. I like the Pistons, honestly; they were the better team, but after reading through several forums, they don't deserve their fans, and Ben Wallace's overrating has just skyrocketed.
Vindication: The Pistons just couldn't kick Larry Brown soon enough, and yeah, Rasheed had more to do with their success than they gave him credit for. And the NBA Finals aren't over yet, Shaq may just get his chance.

Flop: Manila humidity! It's a different creature altogether.
Flip: Just goes to show that there are more things to miss about one's home country. And yeah, it makes living in Saudi Arabia more bearable (and something to look for, I might add.)
Vindication: I somewhat feel a whole lot smarter moving out of the country when I did.

Flop: The power of regular commercial liquor. No real whooping power.
Flip: So what's the use of drinking? (Shudder).
Vindication: I can't think of something clever enough to say. Yeah, I've fried enough brain cells for an army-size luau.

Flop: The probablity of my becoming a hunk. (In the words of my buddy Des, "Asa pa you!")
Flip: That being said, it doesn't detract anything from my life.
Vindication: Having personality does pay off. Now, just to get some eligible woman to buy into this entire package...

Flop: Long-distance relationships.
Flip: I haven't gotten into a real one, so maybe I'm wrong.
Vindication: Jury is still out.

Flop: Rush wedding arrangements. Six months is not enough, especially if you're doing things by remote.
Flip: The seat-of-your-pants feeling is a great way to live life, sometimes.
Vindication: The presentation is one thing; it's the eating that really counts. All the best, Ate Joni and Alan.

Until next, I got to sign off and get some sleep. Chatting and blog-posting is something you can only do with a tip-top system and internet connection (complain, complain! yada, yada...)

Those Simple (But Not Really Simple) Things

Ramblings of a Certified Brat: Simple Pleasures of Life

This link is from Russel, whom I think should blog more often because she's so funny! We-ell, sometimes finding the humor in life is a greater gift than most would give credit for.

Instructions: Name ten of life’s simple pleasures that you like the most, then pick ten people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

(Let's see if I can follow this to the letter.... I've done some lists of this nature, particularly my "Happiness Is..." series, but it's worth revisiting, anyhow).

1) Laughing out loud at the most nonsensical things, those kinds of laughs where I literally roll on the floor laughing or run the risk of having a heart attack. Twice the value if shared with a friend or a family member. And so on and so forth.
2) Music trips --- any kind will do, and the kind of trip where I get lost in the emotion of the piece and realize in the no-space of the climax what kind of inspiration the artist had. Works best with choral pieces or symphonies. Works least with heavy metal.
3) The same with the written word --- but mostly when I write something that someone says helped them or inspired them, and then reading it all over again and finding myself floored by my own work.
4) The quiet at the table during meals when everyone is in his/her moment, but mostly enjoying the food. Best when hanging out with family members I haven't been with for a long time.
5) Encountering a child for the first time and holding him/her in your arms.
6) The sweet thrill of having someone acknowledge me for who I am and not what I have accomplished (though the latter works, but not on the same elemental level).
7) Kicking back your shoes after a long day and not having to put up with anything else.
8) Solving the puzzle to a person with whom I would like to have a romantic relationship ("falling in love with love" is the more common term, I think, but mine carries less negative baggage)
9) Seeing hope in the sunrise after rending my heart into pieces over some imagined or real faults the previous night.
10) Having someone read this and answer back most expeditiously.

There are lots more, and in any case, finding a "top ten" to simple pleasures is like putting a price on things like the adoring trust a young child has in you. There is no price to that at all.

It's hard to pick ten people, so I'll send this to e-groups and see who responds. Comments back to this link, please!

Headlong To June

in(s)ane ramblings: This Week's Friday Five

Let's face it - I'm not getting anything significant done today or anytime soon. So I'll stop pretending and let my mind range onto other things.

The benefits of anti-depressant medicine - yeah, I'll get romping and stomping to finish each and every project assigned to me! Hahahahahaha! (more diabolical laughter in the background). Yup, even my own private jokes aren't that funny, so chuckling to myself isn't all that great either. *Sigh*

Rant for the day: F**ckin' Saudi banks and their f**ckin' inefficiency. Well, just one particular bank, whom I will not advertise since they don't deserve it. Yada, yada, loads of cash, no customer service initiative, faces of discrimination everywhere. And they do it even with their own citizens. Go figure!

I go this morning to the designated bank (branch of which is in the vicinity of our office) for encashing my vacation cheque and the system is down. The bank staff say that they have no clue as to when the system will be up and running; they tell me to run along to their Dammam branch to see if I can encash the cheque. A few minutes before midday I arrive at one of their Dammam branches and this bank's staff say the system would be up in 30 minutes' time; problem is they have broken time and won't open 'til four in the afternoon. So I return to the office and go back to the original branch. Which isn't really that bad, except their lines are notoriously long, it's baking out in the early afternoon sun, and I didn't have convenient land transportation (translation - walking out).

I dig the exercise, mind, but not the heat! Ruins my office-boy complexion, hahahahahaha! Turns out the system is down, likely for the entire f**ckin' day. Great --- just post a sign that says "This bank no do business because system crappy!"

Yummy Saudi meals - the many ways Middle Easterners cook their rice (something, I think, they picked up from the Indians) astound me. My tongue and taste buds, I mean. I bought a rice meal with half-a-chicken (two packs of it) and brought it back to the office to eat. Man, the rice tasted awfully good! However, the oily stuff got to me and that always does funny things to my stomach. Yup, I'm having a really fantastic, fantastic day.

At least there will be airport pick-up for me when I get home. I also got my passport and packed all my stuff for the air cargo to pick up later this evening. Guess I will have come to work tomorrow just to have my cheque encashed. Well, I'm pleased I got most everything I wanted today. Wished that I could have it all.

Rushing headlong to the month of June! First time in many years I've looked forward to this month --- for the longest time it was the month that school started, which meant the end of the summer vacation (and all its languor). Now, it's a welcome respite from the Middle East. Hope it will last longer and that I spend more quality time instead of boozing.

(Fat chance, meathead. And this is your conscience talking, buddy. You're weak, YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO WILLPOWER! No cojones! Grovel, you worm! Grovel and beg for release! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Linking now to one of my friends's sites and putting in my own contribution.

1) When you were little what was your favorite TV show(s)?
Sesame Street! Fraggle Rock! Most of the Saturday Fun Machine shows, but particularly Blackstar and Zorro. Dedicated Superfan of the Superfriends! Lots more really, like CHiPs, Three's Company, Benson, The A-Team, The Incredible Hulk.

2) What was your favorite movie?
Tough question. Watched too many - but going by viewing, "Transformers the Movie" (about 20 times, still remember 80% of the dialogue). Going by effect, "The Godfather."

3) What is your favorite TV show currently?
"24" and "CSI" (Original)

4) What is the best movie you have seen so far this year?
The only ones I've seen on the wide screen this year are "Mission: Impossible 3," "V for Vendetta," and "16 Blocks." The best ones I've seen on video are "Crash" (a mediocre movie, but o.k. enough) and "Brokeback Mountain" (overrated and overdone). The most fun I had is an oldie from five years back - "The 51st State."

5) If someone was going to make a movie or TV show about your life, who would play you and why?
It's tough to cast an actor to play me --- the closest would be Dinky Doo, Jr. and Bayani Agbayani. And they won't be able to pull it off, I think. I was once called a "Roderick Paulate" (still mystifies me to this day, though it still gives me the chuckles up to now) and no, I don't want him to play me either. ... Of course, that's assuming some idiot would want to put up money for my movie (tough chance!).

Latest Friday Five edition

Honey, I’m Home!

1. How many places have you lived in your life? - On a prolonged basis, four, and I've been in two places here in KSA. Been all over, but the rest is no more than two weeks at a time.

2. Which was your favorite and why and what street was it on? - Still the original - Saint Joseph Street all the way! Best memories of my life, still consider it home.

3. If you could live anywhere for the rest of your life, where would it be? - Beachfront property, possibly in Mindanao provided it's peaceful.

4. What would your ideal home have in it? - The "have to have" would be a well-equipped kitchen and a place to entertain people. It doesn't have to be loaded with all the other things but of course I prefer to stay connected with what's happening via Internet/satellite TV.

5. Can you describe your current crib? A minor disaster. Been planning to bring in new furniture but it seems I could hardly keep it fairly clean to deserve new fixtures, hehe.

In Praise of Beer...

You Are Heineken

You appreciate a good beer, but you're not a snob about it. You like your beer mild and easy to drink, so you can concentrate on being drunk. Overall, you're a friendly drunk who's likely to buy a whole round for your friends... many times. Sometimes you can be a bit boring when you drink. You may be prone to go on about topics no one cares about.

What's Your Beer Personality?