Resurrection

I have given some thought to finally retire this blog.  After all, who would want to read about the inner life of someone who has just recently turned into a forty-something?

Sometime back, I had this secret wish that someone out there would read the thoughts I put down here and find in me a kindred soul.  Tough luck.  It's a Catch-22 situation, anyhow, you either put yourself a little too mildly or disinterestedly few people will care, or so far out there people will think you are a freak.  Hey, I'd like a little public affirmation once in a while, but too much attention will make me sick.

Therein lies the dilemma.

There is also this aesthetic side of getting my writing back on track.  I need a new muse, a new inspiration.  For some reason, I have felt less urgency in my craft over the past few months.  Mind you, it is not for lack of time - far from it.  No energy, no focus in whatever original thoughts I have been putting away in the back of my mind.  I wouldn't know whether to abandon this ambition altogether.  One more try, one more attempt to stop backsliding.  Looks like a Sisyphean feat.  Good luck to me.

So, what's been happening to me?  Took a forty-day furlough in the Philippines and the wisest decision I made was this: Be still.  Sure, I would like to settle all the pending issues in my life - finding a life partner, projecting my career trajectory, working to ensure I reach that trajectory, estate planning for my finances, etc.  They will happen soon enough.  All I want to do right now is BE.

Fitting

The Need for Spiritual Fitness

As I write this post, I am celebrating passing another half-year without major incident.  As one gets older and gets to know one's moods and flows more intimately I know when I need some time to milk off my frustrations and put them into words.  It isn't fair, honestly, to the whole process and to the process of my writing (which I am refining further in the hopes of making the trade full-time), but for now this is what with which I have to work.

Not a fan of today's quoted author, but one key component of health is the spiritual side.  The whole concept of wellness is not only what we project on the outside, but what is also happening within.  I was born and raised in a Catholic home, though not very strict and characterized more by the free spirit that we had - we thanked God with the rites of our faith, but my parents did not insist that we close our minds.

All this did not prevent me from being a Catholic volunteer during my late teens and early twenties.  While I may not count much in the world with what I was making, that was certainly the most fulfilling time of my life. 

Since then, I won't say it's been downhill, but the happy times seem a lot spottier and harder to come by.  Disclaimer, though, those times have been considerably blurred by a lot of nostalgia.  As the happy times were more profound, so were the wounds to my psyche.