Mirrored, Darkly

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves." - James Allen

Day 3 of this new regime is coming up roses like the last two - I am rather semi-somnolent from ingesting my last meal - in this case breaded fish fillet and sardine sotanghon (ode to pad thai, natch) and the free-flowing sense of consciousness is ready to drift away with the next downloaded treat from the Internet.  So far banging on the keyboard feels oddly rewarding for some reason, and I am afraid that I will make no sense once I get to the end.

It was a stressful day today.  Lots to do but not necessarily lots accomplished.  We have gotten moving on a lot of things, but not fast enough.  My sense of urgency meter is on, but only with the pilot light.  The full satisfying whoosh and whoop of a steady flame just aren't there yet.  All our best ambitions and emotions are mirrored darkly- it's very difficult to put in words like "nobility" and some other high meanings given the occasional tedium of the work and the transactional nature of our field.

Today's quote is a good one for me, and for all expatriates based in the Middle East.  Nobody wants to be left out of the list of recipients of increments.  No one wants to come out a loser come the day when everybody else receives some form of reward from the Company.  The funny thing, it isn't so much whether the reward is deserved, it's that others are getting something.

My sense of justice is somewhat rubbed at this juncture.  Nobody gets a free pass at anything.  You want something?  Go out and earn it.  It isn't going to be given to you.  Second thought, of course, is that getting something you don't deserve through shortcuts is the surest way to lose your way.  Getting rewards because you happen to be somebody's friend or somebody's relative is the number one shortcut.

The Posts On Which You Stand

"Never commit your team unless you are confident your team will support your decision." - Christopher Avery, Ph.D.

The simplest way I could explain this statement is this:  keep your decision-making process transparent as much as you can.  If you plan to play your cards close to your chest, make sure that you are prepared to do the things you would rather not do.  Because if others won't, somebody has to, and if you are the one bringing the change, you can only convince others to do the same if you are the first volunteer.

The second thing is that for certain things, letting the team come to a decision is sometimes more important than making the decision itself.  Of course, no leader or manager would allow his group to go around with no one at the reins guiding the way.  My experience in volunteer organizations has taught me this: no commitment is stronger than one reached by the members together.  There may be times one has to cajole, exhort, or leave subtle signs, but in the end, only buy-in will secure the commitment to a course of action.  In the corporate world it would be the rare few who would stick their neck out, so reaching a group decision is not that easily forged as it should be, even though the forms of "votes" are often practiced.  

When the vote does come, it normally comes as a form of lower agreement, voting for that which is least disagreeable.  Much like the United Nations, don't expect committees in this part of the world accomplishing something unless there is some form of benevolent dictatorship going on.

It cannot be avoided at times that in place of consensus a leader must make decisions because of necessity or urgency.  The most commonplace example is that when a father has to make a career move, everyone else around him is affected.  Funny that I should think about that since the Arab leadership and management models are mainly based on paternalism.  Every time I attend a leadership or management conference, one pervasive thought is to how to best handle the "needs" of  employees as if they were babes in a wood and could not decide for themselves.  In a sense, with the wide demarcation between "labor" and "management" the mindset becomes the reality in practice.

Look up, Buddy Holly

"Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude." -- Zig Ziglar

In honor of the occasion of ... nothing, it would be apropos to preface this entire process to which I am trying to commit myself.  Instead of offering words of wisdom, why not offer words of... love?  I will attempt to post at least once a day, reflecting on a piece of truth.  In this fashion, I force myself to revisit my passion for writing, and then unburden myself of whatever it is that is troubling me at the end of each day.  Let's see if I  a) stay honest even just to myself as to what I am going to say and b) muster enough effort to see if I can actually do this.

I am in a bit of a classic rock mood at the moment, so I raise my glass to that pioneer of guitar-paced rock, Buddy Holly.  So here goes.

I can't pretend I'm any smarter than the people who pour forth these words of wisdom, so I'll just offer my take on what these words mean in my context.

First off, I would like to give props to Novak Djokovic for winning his third consecutive Australian Open tennis title.  This is the first time a man was able to do this in the Open era.

By no means am I a fan of Nole, but one has to tip the hat to him.  He has kept himself consistent, fit, and focused for a long stretch of tennis competition, which in this era has become more highly competitive than ever.  Perhaps only Pete Sampras or Roger Federer can claim to the same kind of consistency for a prolonged period of time.  Well, there is the brilliance of Rafael Nadal, who has struggled with his fitness over the past three years.   More on them.

Winning

"I don't know if I practiced more than anybody, but I sure practiced enough. I still wonder if somebody - somewhere - was practicing more than me."

"A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals."

"I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end."

     - Larry Bird, NBA MVP (1984-86), 
       1998 NBA Coach of the Year 
       NBA champion Boston Celtics ('81, '84, '86)

Processed

"A process cannot be understood by stopping it.  Understanding must move with the flow of the process, must join it and flow with it." - Paul Atreides quoting the First Law of Mentat, "Dune"

Confidence

Sometimes people can just have mind-numbing confidence.  One man had the guts to go up against a whole army. From David Eddings' "Queen of Sorcery":


"I will challenge them." Mandorallen announced calmly, "One or all. No true knight would refuse me without being called craven. Wilt thou be my second and deliver my challenge, my lord?"


"What if you lose?" Silk suggested.


"Lose?" Mandorallen seemed shocked. "I? Lose?"

Sorry Seems to Be...

When other people find it hard to forgive you for what you've done, sometimes it's important to ask if you've demonstrated true remorse and have begun the process of restitution.  Making the apology mean something means being prepared to do exactly the opposite of what you have done in the first place.

Shhh....

Whoever wishes to keep a secret must hide the fact that he possesses one. - Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

The What?

It's easy to be caught up in a wave of pessimism when things don't go one's way.  The world is imperfect, and by following one train of logic, the world is filled with imperfect beings.  From there, one can infer that the imperfect being is oneself.

Reviewed word today - saw a re-run of the "The Big Bang Theory" where Sheldon Cooper uses the word weltschmerz -  the melancholy feeling that stems from seeing one's imperfections and the imperfections of the world as reflections of one another.

I am not about to be taken in by that kind of feeling.  That's the sure way to failure and oblivion.


"The only unbearable thing is that nothing is unbearable.”
― Arthur Rimbaud

Pressure

We need pressure from everywhere - pressure from within to prevent being crushed by adversity, and pressure from without to keep from exploding from our own problems or ego.

In Darkness There is Hope

We have familiar experience of the order, the constancy, the perpetual renovation of the material world which surrounds us. Frail and transitory as is every part of it, restless and migratory as are its elements, still it abides. It is bound together by a law of permanence, and though it is ever dying, it is ever coming to life again. Dissolution does but give birth to fresh modes of organization, and one death is the parent of a thousand lives.

Each hour, as it comes, is but a testimony how fleeting, yet how secure; how certain, is the great whole. It is like an image on the waters, which is ever the same, though the waters ever flow. The sun sinks to rise again; the day is swallowed up in the gloom of night, to be born out of it, as fresh as if it had never been quenched.

Spring passes into summer, and through summer and autumn into winter, only the more surely, by its own ultimate return, to triumph over that grave towards which it resolutely hastened from its first hour.

We mourn the blossoms of May because they are to wither; but we know that May is one day to have its revenge upon November, by the revolution of that solemn circle which never stops--- which teaches us in our height of hope, ever to be sober, and in our depth of desolation, never to despair. - John Henry Cardinal Newman

I have always found this short piece very inspiring, though strangely enough, I first read of it in William Peter Blatty's "The Exorcist."

Post-Traumatic Therapy

Decompresing almost the whole day after that disappointing loss in the NBA Finals. The Boston Celtics had it in their hands, but they took their collective feet off the pedal. I hate the fact that the Lakers won (and in such an ugly fashion), but the part of me that respects good basketball when it's played says the Black Mamba and his crew, especially El Matador Pau Gasol, deserve their props. I still hate them though.

Saw Korean vampire film Thirst in the afternoon and I'm squeamish as anyone can get (which is why I did not choose to take up the medical profession), and there were enough scenes for me to whimper (picture that, and that is even scarier than the movie). The movie lost steam with a subplot in the middle, but for the squeam scenes alone, the movie was cool! Bonus points for the leading female star for looking like Jennifer Lee of the Viva Hot Babes.

It's the evening and I'm already programming myself for the grind tomorrow. No need to be hopelessly obscure. Today on the whole, is disjointed, and there's no reason to fix it. I don't have pretend to know what it is, since I haven't got a clue.

Segue the Boys from Liverpool with this rip-roaring track. Great piano riff from John, Paul's bass is pounding, and George's guitar solo screams at me from the speakers.

Now if I can only bite someone head's off, if only figuratively, to complete my catharsis.

Rrrrooowwrrrr!!!

Value

Every positive value has its price in negative terms... the genius of Einstein leads to Hiroshima.
-- Pablo Picasso

It Isn't As Bad As You Think It Is

An Arabic proverb goes like this: "When what you want doesn't happen, learn to want what does."

I just finished the last post when I realized I should have ended it with this turn of phrase. Things won't turn around quickly, but at least you won't be as miserable while you're digging yourself out of that frickin' hole.

Wizard's First Rule

"People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they're afraid it might be true. People's heads are full of knowledge, facts and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true.

"People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool."
--- The wizard Zedd, in Terry Goodkind's "Wizard's First Rule"

Watched season one of "Legend of the Seeker" and while it was a departure from the original "Sword of Truth" books, I didn't mind because Bridget Regan, who plays Kahlan Amnell in the show, is SMOKING hot. A little of the milkmaid-type along the Celtic prototype (examples: Lucy Lawless, Katherine Heigl, Meg Foster) but with a bit more character to her face. At least I can get a new inspiration. There's only so much you can get out of porn.

What Darker Days May Come...

Statement of the Makati Business Club

THE UNRELENTING SUPPRESSION OF TRUTH

The arrest of whistle-blower Rodolfo "Jun" Lozada Jr. and the filing of 16 criminal and civil cases against him and members of his family are blatant acts of harassment with the object of suppressing the truth about the overpricing and bribery that attended the NBN-ZTE deal.

It is highly ironic that while Mr. Lozada's testimony is now being used against him, the persons implicated in his testimony are still immune from prosecution. No less than a Cabinet member, former NEDA director general and now SSS president Romulo Neri, testified under oath that then COMELEC chairman Benjamin Abalos had offered him a bribe in exchange for the facilitation of the approval of the NBN-ZTE contract. And yet, the Ombudsman has yet to file any charges against Mr. Abalos.

The Makati Business Club joins former President Corazon Aquino and the Association of Major Religious Superiors of the Philippines in expressing our full support for Mr. Lozada and his fight against corruption. We remain hopeful that despite current setbacks to hold erring officials accountable before the courts of law, there will come a time for these officials to account and for truth to triumph in the end. We call on the Filipino people to remain vigilant against all efforts to use our justice system to intimidate whistle-blowers in order to suppress the truth.

29 April 2009

Copyright 2009 © Makati Business Club - re-posting to spread the word!

Postscript - I was skeptical of Mr. Jun Lozada from the very beginning, because he said little that was different from what was happening.  What has made his journey unimaginable to inspiring to challenging is the crucible of spin doctors, harassment, character assassination, and now criminal charges that the government has arrayed to discredit him.  Hindi na nakuntentong pabayaan dahil eleksyon na next year.  I am so ashamed and dumbfounded people find excuses for the GMA administration because they have been conditioned to distrust everyone else.  Such cynicism is one of the greatest atrocities that our leaders have perpetrated, first with the Estrada administration, then pushed to the limits of decency by the Arroyo administration.  One can only hope that there is some learning or development we can glean from this.  

Weeping Blossoms

Funeral Blues - W. H. Auden
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

This was already popular before John Hannah recites it in "Four Weddings and a Funeral." Just a dark day.

I'm not about to apply the mood-buster. I will revel in this dark mood to support those who have lost most dear to them. Like flowers, grief is something we can freely partake; a state that we never run out of.

In time, it should blossom and we will find a source of joy.

Princely

Eid Mubarak!

In keeping with the season, I'm posting a hodgepodge of statements derived from Antoine de Saint-Exupery's The Little Prince, though some passages are paraphrased in order to make it more substantial in Filipino. It was intended to be delivered before an audience for a Closed-Eye Process.

Alam ninyo, kay tagal ko nang gusto kayong kausapin. Siguro sa ngayon hindi pa ninyo ako kilala. Hindi naman mahalaga talaga ang aking pagkatao, pero baka magtaka naman kayo at sino naman ang kumakausap sa inyo. Tawagin na lang ninyo akong Munting Prinsipe, pero hindi naman dahil sa maliit ako ngunit sa dahilang naghahari ako sa napakaliit na planeta sa kalawakan. Minsan, napadpad ako dito sa inyong mundo. Marami akong nakilala at nakita, at marami rin akong nalaman ukol sa inyo, mga tao. Sana, hayaan ninyo akong magkuwento. Kaunting panahon lang, kaunting oras ng iyong pakikinig.

Siguro, sasabihin ninyo, sino ba itong nanghihimasok sa amin? Ganyan na nga ang gusto kong ipaliwanag sa inyo. Minsan kasi, napansin kong napakatigas ng ulo ng tao, kahit wala siyang kaalaman, nagmamalinis at nagmamarunong. Ngunit, sa katotohanan, hindi naiintindihan ng tao ang tunay na kahulugan ng kay raming bagay. Masyadong nakatuon sa mga pigura at sa mga numero. Tingnan mo lang kapag sinabi mong mayroon kang nakitang bahay na napakaganda at may malawak na hardin at malinis na pader kung paniniwalaan ka o bibigyan ng pansin. Ngunit kung sasabihin mong nakakita ka ng bahay na nagkakahalagang limang milyong piso, aba'y sasang-ayon sila sa sinabi mo't tatanungin ka pang, "Nasaan ang bahay na iyon?"

Ganoon din sa tao. Hindi naitatanong kung mabait at tapat ang iyong kaibigan, at kung malinis ang kanyang pagkatao, ngunit ang itatanong sa iyo kung pang-ilan siya sa pamilya, sino ang kanyang pamilya, kung saan siya nanggaling at kung ano ang kanyang trabaho. Kung ibibigay mo ang kasagutan nais nilang marinig, hindi na sila magtatanong.

Maraming nang nakalimutan ang tao dito sa mundo. Isa na dito ang bisa ng pagsasama. Ito ang mga tipong nagsasaad ng mabuting pakikitungo at pakikisama ng tao sa kanyang kapwa. Ang isa pa ay ang ritwal at rito, na siyang tumatawag at humahalina sa tao upang pagtibayin ang kanilang pagsasama. May ritwal tayo tulad ng pakikinig, ng pagsasalita nang may paggalang sa iba, at nang pakikiramdam sa pangangailangan ng iba. Wala tayong matatamo kung wala tayong kusang makisama sa iba. Ngunit, wala ring halaga ang ritwal kung pagmamalasakit ay kulang. Walang halaga ang buhay kung walang tunay na pagmamahal.

Kaya naman siguro hindi na nakikialam ang tao sa isa't isa, nag-iisip ang karamihan na masyado silang importante. Siguro, ang akala ng tao ay napakahalaga nila dito sa mundo, kesyo malaking lugar ang nagagamit ng bawat isa. Sa totoo lang, mapagsasama-sama natin ang anim na bilyong tao sa isang napakalaking plasa sa kahit anumang malaking siyudad. Kung tatayo lamang ang lahat, magkakasya ang lahat ng tao sa lugar na mayroon sukat na 30 milya pahaba at 40 milya palapad. Magkakasya ang buong sangkatauhan sa isang maliit na pulo sa gitna ng dagat Pasipiko.

O, e ano ngayon? E ano nga kung sa totoo lang ang tunay nating halaga ay nakasalalay din minsan sa ibang tao. E ano nga rin na kinakailangan din natin ang iba? Maaari nating tulungan ang isa't isa, hindi ba? Paano? Simple, makinig tayo. Bigyan natin ng kahalagahan ang bawat isa. Amuin natin ang isa't isa. Mapapaamo natin ang isang tao sa atin sa pagiging maaalahanin, sa pagiging maunawain, sa pagiging mapagmahal, hindi dahil mayroon tayong makukuha sa kanya, ngunit dahil siya ay taong may halaga tulad natin.

Ang mga bagay na napaamo ng isang tao, ang mga bagay na binibigyan niya ng halaga, ang siya lamang niyang nauunawaang tunay. Ngunit palaging gahol sa oras ang tao para umunawa ng kahit anuman. Binibili na kasing yari na ang mga bagay sa mga tindahan. Pero hindi ka naman makabibili ng pagkakaibigan at pagmamahal sa anumang tindahan sa buong mundo, kaya nagkukulang na ang mga tao sa tunay na kaibigan. Kung naghahanap ka ng kaibigan, paamuin mo ako. Paamuin ninyo ang isa't-isa sa inyo. Narito na kayo lahat, mga taong nangangailangan at nagtataglay ng tunay na pag-ibig.

Sa paggamit ng puso't pakiramadam mo lamang makikita ang tunay na halaga ng isang bagay, sapagkat ang mga pinakamahalagang bagay ay hindi mababatid ng ating paningin. Sabihin nating maihahambing mo ang isang tao sa isang rosas, na mahina at madaling masaktan, na kailangan ng maasikasong pangangalaga. Paamuin mo ang isang rosas. Mahalin mo ito. Ikaw ay may tungkulin sa lahat ng bagay na iyong napaamo. Sapagkat napaamo mo ang isang rosas, ikaw ay may tungkulin para sa kapakanan nito.

At sabihin din nating namumunga lamang ang rosas na ito sa isang sulok ng kalawakan, at dahil mahal mo talaga ang rosas na iyon, sapat na siguro sa iyo ang pagmasdan lamang ang mga bituin sa kalangitan. Sasabihin mo sa iyong sarili, "Naroroon ang aking bulaklak sa kalawakan..." Ngunit, kung nakain ng isang tupa ang bulaklak, anong mangyayari sa iyo? Hindi ba maglalaho ang liwanag ng lahat ng bituin para sa iyo? Ganito rin ang halaga ng iyong pag-ibig para sa iba. Maganda, ngunit dapat nating alagaan.

Ngunit huwag na huwag ninyong kalimutan ang inyong tungkulin sa inyong sarili, at baka maabala kayo ng tuluyan sa iba. Sapagkat sa huli, ikaw lamang ang makapagsasabi na ika'y mayroong nagawa. Samakatwid, titimbangin mo ang iyong sariling iyong pagkatao, ang iyong halaga. Ang gawin ito ay ang napakahirap para sa marami. Mas mabigat na pasanin ang husgaan ang sarili kaysa na ang magbigay ng pasya ukol sa iba. Kung karapat-dapat ang sukat mo sa iyong sarili, malaki na ang nagawa mo.

E di saan tayo ngayon tutungo? Kayo ang bahala, kayo naman ang may kapangyarihang humubog sa inyong kinabukasan. Wari ang aking mga salita ay munting paalala lamang, tulad ng aking pangalan. Pansinin ninyo ang inyong kapaligiran, pansinin ninyo ang inyong mga sarili. Mabuksan sana ang inyong mga puso sa pagmamahal. Pakinggan natin ang taginting ng mundo.

Magnitude

Subscribing to a particular world-view demands a challenge from most people. Then again, just watching events go by, with the usual horn-blaring from the media, would be enough to daunt anyone. Possibilities are everywhere, but life can surprise you even so.

It's all about magnitude.

The days of the past few days have gone by and by all accounts some of these events would seem earthshaking:

* The gritty, hard-luck New York Giants beat the New England Patriots in this year's Super Bowl, thus denying the Pats an historic 19-0 season.
* The Lakers trade for Pau Gasol for the corpse of Kwame Brown and loose change.
* The Suns match by shipping out Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks to the Miami Heat for Shaquille O'Neal.
* The Dallas Mavericks welcome back Jason Kidd from the New Jersey Nets in a trade package that includes mainly Devin Harris and trade filler.

And that's just from the world of sports - the only news that's worth reading these days if you manage to tune out the steroids saga in baseball and Refereegate in the NBA, and of course Spygate in the NFL.

The latest "smoking gun" in the Philippines and the presidential primaries in the United States are from two different areas of political life --- one showcasing the corruption endemic in government procurement, the other the harbringer of the political agenda for the next few years not only in the United States but also worldwide.

While all the rabblerousers drum it up for the resignation of President Macapagal-Arroyo, the apologists, the "pragmatists" and cynics in general have already called it a day. PGMA's tenure has been the most divisive one on record --- and the rupture she has caused Philippine political life will take another generation to fix. What's breaking my heart is that my generation --- one that has just come to experience power --- has demonstrated little more than transactional politics, all for the sake of "not rocking the boat." The political culture --- not the system, is in sore need of a vision.

Ranged against this current soap opera, still, there is an ongoing soap opera in each life. The biggest thing that is befuddling most families here would be the high school JS prom and the graduations from grade school and high school. It's all about creating the "memories.

Put these two events together --- you have the cameras and the throng. The difference?

Magnitude.

The candidacies of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama represent so much hope from the new and so much left-over dynamism from the old. Seeing either one as Democratic candidate in 2008 for US President would represent a change --- Clinton representing the gender line, Obama the ethnoracial line. Riddle me anything you want, but I see Obama as the future NOW --- he not only represents the once disenfranchised, but his politics point the way for reconstructing the US --- a United States which by 2050 will have the WASPs as the minority. Hillary, for all her intelligence and her grasp of the issues, and despite being a woman, still is part of the old guard.

So I pick Obama.

Where the issues of peak oil and environmental change become more pressing and world-girding, talking the US economy still pales in comparison. Neither candidate, nor even the Republicans, still have a rational policy for waging peace in the Middle East.

The cameras and the throng are on one side even though the other needs a more assertive push. The throng just latches on the latest spin. I gather the ordinary American still reads Page Six or watches "The Insider" more than keeping tabs on these issues.

One day the world will get its payback, if it's not asking for downpayment now.

Magnitude.

This life, then, with all its drama, even with the damper of banning Valentine's in Saudi Arabia is just a piece of flotsam in the ocean.

But it is the universe with which I am best acquainted.

Magnitude.

The stars may fall, and all around the world may crumble, but I hold on to the faith that this life, this little candle, may someday shine forth some meaning for somebody else. Lacking that, I go each day living my own truth as best as I can, for in the end I am just a whisper in the wind of history. Much as I strive to put in a kink in the human tapestry, all falls with the magnitude of humanity, and time.

The ultimate end of human acts is eudaimonia, happiness in the sense of living well, which all men desire; all acts are but different means chosen to arrive at it. -- Hannah Arendt

Making Sense of It All

Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.

--- Frank Herbert, "Dune"