High Jinks!

In ex-Yugoslavia, Tito-era nostalgia - International Herald Tribune

Nostalgia for the past --- yeah, and I'm sure the old hardline communists (and those neo-fascists in disguise, as well, ehem) are wishing for the good old days when labels were more convenient and it was easier to draw the lines.

* * * * *

Overheard at a Filipino patient's bedside after he suffers a stroke: Ano ba ang increment ko? (Mentions name of Admin Manager), alam niya kung ano ang increment ko! (BTW, thank God he is alive and declared fit to be repatriated).

* * * * *

Favorite movie quote of the past few days, from "Billy Madison" featuring Adam Sandler:

(After Billy Madison finishes long-winding speech on the Industrial Revolution):

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.

* * * * *

Girl gets thrown off bus for wearing a leash. Yeah, that should give you some headlines.

* * * * *

Movie moment of the week: The Elisha Cuthbert nipple show opposite Christian Slater in the feature film "The Quiet Man." Dumb movie, but still. Yehey!

Ooops!

My last post should have read Day 25.

Coupled with the host of errors we have to deal with in last-minute calculations, I guess I'm not lucky with numbers these days.

Second Milepost

(Edit - January 27: Am reconstructing this from memory as something must have happened to the original post)

It's Day 24 of Year 2008 - and I'm marking this day by working, though I'm taking some time to laze away a few moments updating you what's been happening. I'd like to pat myself on the back for keeping to more than one month of solid work and sleep deprivation to complete the major set of salary adjustments for Company. This is the first of many hurdles that I expect to face this coming year.

Last year has been so up-and-down the peaks and valleys have settled into a bumpy drive. To celebrate that experience, I am dubbing this year the Year of No Expectations.

First, this is in part thanks to all the people who made last year special, and given the way things have turned out, expecting more would be a crime. Second, throughout the almost four years I have spent in Saudi Arabia, I have accomplished the very minimum of my expectations both personally and professionally. That there is still a wide gulf to bridge to get to the maximum goes without saying, but hey, I've gotten to first base. For me to move forward, perhaps I should concentrate less on the result but on how I'm getting there. That's the best way I could repay all the people who have shared me so many kindnesses.

And finally, as memory serves, I put on myself the onus of living my life with a greater sense of purpose, and part of this is to shatter my current set of expectations, and instead put myself in a constant state of BEING, not BECOMING.

(If that last part sounds evasive or Zen to you, well, tough luck!)

It would have been nice to share all of these realizations knowing that there is someone special who inspires me, or more importantly, that there is someone in particular whom I especially inspire. That would happen, or that would not, and given the recent disappointments I have had in this area, knowing that I am capable of feeling THAT FEELING is enough. What happens next is less within my control, so I'll have to let that be.

So for this year I honestly pray that I will be swept away, to be infused with a sense of wonder, and to shine a love that is ever-shining.

IT'S ALL TOO MUCH
(George Harrison / The Beatles)

It's all too much
It's all too much

When I look into your eyes, your love is there for me
And the more I go inside, the more there is to see

It's all too much for me to take
The love that's shining all around you
Everywhere, it's what you make
For us to take, it's all too much

Floating down the stream of time, of life to life with me
Makes no difference where you are or where you'd like to be

It's all too much for me to take
The love that's shining all around here
All the world is birthday cake,
So take a piece but not too much

Sail me on a silver sun, for I know that I'm free
Show me that I'm everywhere, and get me home for tea

It's all to much for me to see
A love that's shining all around here
The more I am, the less I know
And what I do is all too much

It's all too much for me to take
The love that's shining all around you
Everywhere, it's what you make
For us to take, it's all too much

It's too much.....It's too much

With your long blonde hair and your eyes of blue
With your long blonde hair and your eyes of blue

You're too much... too much too much too much ...

Postscript: This piece was composed for the "Magical Mystery Tour" album but it ended up on the soundtrack album of the "Yellow Submarine" movie. George's work is revealing in its simplicity. My original post had an embedded copy from Imeem.com, but it got killed in uploading. Ah, well.

The Usual Sandwich Filler

While the world pauses to mourn the recent deaths of chess genius Bobby Fischer and Australian actor Heath Ledger, I'm trapped in the office still on salary patrol. I would be glad to have this whole episode over.

I did find time to post on one of the e-forums, where one hot topic was de-sizing government. I just had to butt in. Here it is:

We just missed saying happy anniversary on the lifting of Proclamation 1081 just a few days back.

Just my two cents':

1) The original criticism on creation of new congressional districts and provinces is the bureaucracy that comes with them, whereas it is possible to do more with less bureaucracy in government. I tend to agree with this - how much more government service do we need really when its quality at the primary levels ( i.e. barangay) tend to be cosmetic? And let's not get started on the macro level, that's a whole other debate.

2) There is also a valid criticism on the nature of congressional spending, i.e. CDF. Time and again, we should take this discretionary spending power away from congressmen.

3) To take the structure of government further --- what were the original bases for setting up provinces --- geographical, linguistic, economic? I'd put my money on one major point: politics. We can look back to history given the way the Americans organized the territorial government when they came over. There is some good reading that this organization is the first root of our Muslim separatist problem - I don't have the link now, but Manolo Quezon does discuss this on his site.

4) Ah, benchmarks! If it were that simple to quantify the role of government in our lives.
==> I was late today because some woman passed out on the street and the usual gaggle of kibitzers got in the way of paramedics. #$% government!
===> My daughter was walking on the railroad tracks outside our shanty. The train ran her over. #$%!!$^ PNR! the mayor! etc. etc. etc.
===> I need a job. Anyone, please hire me! Someone, give me an allowance!
===> There are a bunch of drunks on the other corner singing on their darned videoke on full blast until the wee hours of the morning. What to do?
===> A shipment of smuggled chicken is being sold at bargain basement prices at our discount center! Screw the bird flu, time to shop!
===> Damn! We sucked at the Southeast Asian Games! Where's the pride here, kabayan?

If we are to look closely at the things that work for us --- private initiative in providing services for those who can afford them, courage and determination to work overseas to make extra dollars, contributions by the sectarians in moving education to a higher level (memo to UP on the celebration of your centennial: in five years, if not less, DLSU will overtake you as the pre-eminent Philippine university in terms of academic reputation, quality of graduates, and infrastructure. Accelerate reform now!), innovation and ingenuity in micro-level enterprises --- is that in an environment where individual effort and contribution, fairness, excellence, and quality are observed, we do well.

Government's role has expanded to that point where it has to intervene in everything. When it does that, it tends to stultify initiative and individualism and thus promotes mendicancy and stagnation. Instead of helping themselves, our people point the finger on others, and mostly on the government. Unfortunately, despite our socialist policy efforts, we cannot aspire to become a welfare state like those in Scandinavia. Given the mad scramble of these states to enlist foreign workers to support their retiring citizens, that system is flawed as well.

Methinks the government's role in most public spheres is to generate consensus to reduce duplication of activities, support innovation, set fair standards. and then punish violators vigorously. This model will definitely work in business, education, sport --- while the government can focus on securing our borders within and without, fostering healthy international relations, and promoting cultural identity.

Still, while we can go on theorizing models of government, it still bears to remember that without a proper culture of public service, any model is guaranteed to fail, as it is doing poorly right now in the Philippines. Change must come from the top, while those below must keep on pushing to ensure that happens. To be a truly "strong republic" the citizens will have to be "strong" in mind themselves.

Breaking Out of Isolation

Rent - Broadway - Theater - New York Times (registration required)

I was introduced to "Rent" almost ten years ago by a colleague who in turn was introduced to the musical by another of our colleagues. I knew it would score big in the Philippines - and when it did, I was proud to say I loved "Rent" before all the duffers got on the bandwagon. I loved the musical before Hollywood inflicted on us the disaster of a movie adapatation.

I immediately gravitated to the material --- the musical seemed to be written for me, if at all there is any relation between me and drug users, people combatting AIDS, homosexuals, and the bohemian lifestyle in general.

(Or maybe I am closer to all of the above than what I originally believed. In my dreams, hahahahaha!)

My personal favorites were "Glory" and "What You Own" since I'm sure almost everyone connects to "Seasons of Love." "Glory" is all about flawed heroes and lost dreams, and yet, it is also about hope despite bleak times. "What You Own" fills in the seams of a society that has reached the ultimate disconnect, as shown in Jonathan Larson's lyrics - "So I own not a notion / I escape / and ape content. I don't own emotion / I rent!"

This lesson is all so clear while I am stationed in Saudi Arabia --- we have fled our homeland for what is, essentially, a chance for the ones we love back home on a better life. I'm sure, like me, Filipino workers based abroad always say that the sacrifice so that others may have a chance to live better is worth it. I am not sure whether to readily agree.

We live in an age where image and not substance takes precedence, where dysfunctionality becomes the rage and the loss of privacy the most coveted "drug" and the last taboo to be shed. Guilt may always gnaw at one --- at lost opportunities, at lost chances --- but not shame, shame that one has let others down.

This age is a growing age of isolation, and even when people are together their minds --- or at least their fingers --- are elsewhere sending text messages. We bare our souls to someone we are chatting with online, but not to our friends and family. With all due respect to the romantics out there, but this is not real life.

And here I am, and so many others like me, toiling for that vision. These days I am not so sure whether the vision is still true, at least as to the nobility of it all. There is no nobility here, only perseverance. It is something to be done, and nothing more. Only the politicans made out the big deal about overseas workers being the new heroes of the economy. And yet they've done little more for us than platitudes.

Breaking out of this cycle, at least in my case, was to find others who shared my thoughts and aspirations. So SPA-TDG happened. Being part of a community organization was never in the plan. But then again, I never planned all that much during those early days on my arrival here in KSA. I always thought I'd meet someone, we'd fall in love, and then make plans to settle down. After this latest disappointment (which, in all honesty, was something for which I set myself up), once again I'm not so sure.

In two months I will mark the four-year milepost of my sojourn in Saudi Arabia. When I arrived, I couldn't wait to leave. Now, even though it makes no sense, I can't find any reasons for me NOT to stay. One of my closest colleagues tells me that his own lack of a steady relationship is a continuing source of frustration. After listening to him, my realization is that while he holds on to his success here, he has not let go of all the what-could-have-been back home. I empathize for him, because at one time I was traveling on the same boat with him.

I will find someone, or I will not, but there are people and friends I have met here whom I have come to love. True, there is so much I have lost --- friends and family who have moved onward, valued people who have scattered to different corners of the earth, the perpetual guilt of having walked out on my homeland --- the platitudes even more hurtful when I declare my readiness to die for her - "ang mamatay nang dahil sa iyo."

But there is so much I have gained, and at times I struggle how to verbalize it, as I do now.

I may be all alone as I am right now, rushing to meet a deadline and sitting on my desk in an otherwise empty office building, but I am not alone. It's hard to say it, or even start to believe in it, but there is no greater chance for me to be happier than where I am right now.


WHAT YOU OWN (Jonathan Larson)
Mark - role created by Anthony Rapp / Roger - role created by Adam Pascal

MARK
Don't breathe too deep, don't think all day
Dive into work, drive the other way
That drip of hurt, that pint of shame
Goes away just play the game

You're living in America at the end of the millennium
You're living in America leave your conscience at the tone
And when you're living in America at the end of the millennium
You're what you own

ROGER
The filmmaker cannot see

MARK
And the songwriter cannot hear

ROGER
Yet I see Mimi everywhere

MARK
Angel's voice is in my ear

ROGER
Just tighten those shoulders

MARK
Just clench your jaw 'til you frown

ROGER
Just don't let go

BOTH
Or you may drown

You're living in America at the end of the millennium
You're living in America where it's like the Twilight Zone
And when you're living in America at the end of the millennium
You're what you own

So I own not a notion
I escape and ape content
I don't own emotion - I rent

MARK
What was it about that night
ROGER
What was it about that night

BOTH
Connection - in an isolating age

MARK
For once - the shadows gave way to light
ROGER
For once the shadows gave way to light

BOTH
For once I didn't disengage

MARK
Angel- I hear you - I hear it
I see it- I see it
My film!
ROGER
Mimi I see you- I see It
I hear it- I hear it
My song!

MARK (On the phone)
Alexi - Mark
Call me A hypocrite
I need to finish my own film
ROGER
One Song - Glory
Mimi
Your eyes

MARK
I QUIT!

BOTH
Dying in America at the end of the millennium
We're dying in America to come into our own
And when you're dying in America at the end of the millennium
You're not alone

I'm not alone
I'm not alone

Making Sense of It All

Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.

--- Frank Herbert, "Dune"

Sourgraping

ESPN - Celts celebrate as Pistons shrug - NBA

I didn't catch the entire Celtics-Pistons game at Detroit just the other day as I still don't have a TV set and I'm not inclined to pay for subscription TV anyway. I did manage to catch a few clips, and knowing the histories of these two franchises and some of their players (particularly principals Garnett, Allen, and Pierce on the Celts and Billups, Rasheed Wallace, and Hamilton on the Pistons), some commentary:

* Ray Allen is decaying, and badly. He's showing his age, like, in dog years. Then again, he did have two ankle surgeries over the past few months so full recovery is still possible. On a different note, that's what they told me when I passed the 90kg range.

* Paul Pierce, and the bench, would be the key to get the Celts over the hump. KG as their Prime Mover can only do so much to get them there by setting the mood and doing all the little things, but he can't do everything, especially if he is on the pine saddled with fouls.

* KG for MVP. 'Nuff said. I always liked Tim Duncan's game more, but perhaps managerial ineptitutide has robbed the paying public of what could have been a really dominant force in the NBA.

* Did I just catch Chauncey Billups sourgraping? When do you start consoling yourself over a loss with something like, "this win meant more to them than it did to us." Uh, hello? Isn't this is what your fans pay you gazillion bucks to do? Put your butts on the line and try to win the game every time, every game? Come on - I admire the calm-come-hell-or-high-water approach of these fellows, but it won't cut it when you're looking for an edge. That being said, Billups has the competitive fire to lead this bunch, but unfortunately for him, I think he is buying more into the "Mr. Big Shot" reputation than he should instead of proving it on the court. (And oh, by the way, Mr. Big Shot had a big brain fart in the endgame. Figures.).

* Michael Jordan should shoot himself for trading Rip Hamilton. Of course, him being the legend at all, he'd rather shop Jerry Stackhouse first (and the Wizards did). Rip is the new Reggie Miller incarnate --- only he's cooler-looking when he wears the face mask. And he has a much-more developed mid-range game.

* Maybe somebody should have shown Rasheed the memo that talent won't be enough to get you over the hump. Get it done consistently, and that takes a lot of the mental juice (he may have the hoops IQ, but not the EQ). That said, I think his reputation as a whiner and brawler is much ill-deserved.

* Barring any spoiler job by LeBron and his Cavaliers (all apologies to Dwight Howard and the Magic, it's not your year yet), these guys should have established their rights to go at it for the Eastern Conference crown, and at this pace, I don't think the Western Conference representative would have much of an edge. Should Boston shore up its bench performance when its three stars are underperforming or Detroit hone its killer instinct in the next few months, these two teams would give the favorites --- the Spurs, Mavericks, and Suns --- a serious dogfight for the 2008 NBA crown.

(Other notes: I had an interesting conversation with someone when I asked, "Who is more valuable to Phoenix - Nash or Amare?" I said Nash, he said Amare. My premise was that if you replaced either one with another player at their respective positions, replacing Nash would be a bigger blow to Phoenix as Amare's strengths can be matched by distributing the scoring load among his teammates, while his suspect defense can be filled by a superior defensive player. After all, they did manage with Amare out and Diaw playing center. Marion did have a career year that time.

At some point, the other guy lost the point completely when he said that instead of replacing Nash with another point guard, he would start Leandro Barbosa, move Marion and Amare to the forward spots, and at center start Dwight Howard. I was tickled by the idea, of course, if you're playing fantasy or video games. Naturally the conversation lost all sense at this point. He did stick with the question "If you had to replace one player with another ---" Ah well, that's why sports arguments are more fatal than those in politics.)

First Milepost

How do you go about mending a broken heart?

The answer: YOU JUST DON'T.

It's just Day 7 of this brand-new year and it feels like my heart was put through a meat grinder. Great way to start this year. Of course it isn't permanent, but it's fun to wallow, at least for a while. The melodrama puts all of my senses on overdrive. I will bounce back.

Hamburgers, anyone?

Panic

I LEFT MY CELLPHONE IN THE CAB!

I was in the office yesterday trying to catch up on a lot of work --- though I couldn't see any reason why I should want to go because it was supposed to be a rest day.

I have had little sleep lately --- mostly my own fault of course, I'm moping like a teenager. I know it is so. I just couldn't bring myself to kick myself into shape. It will happen, eventually, but in the meantime I'm just chugging along.

So it was that I paid little attention to my cellphone ---I had acknowledged a text earlier, chatted with my buddy traveling with me (I was seated in the back), and alighted from the cab. I forgot about my phone completely.

As soon as I realized my mistake (almost immediately) I asked my buddy to call my phone pronto. I also dialed it myself and finally I was able to contact the Pakistani driver, who promised to show up in 20 minutes.

I waited a full 10 minutes before he was supposed to arrive and another 15 minutes after that but he didn't come. Expectation gave way to panic and then to resignation ---I gave up waiting outside the office and dialed again several times. My buddy also tried it from his side. After a few minutes he got through and the man said he would arrive.

When he did, I thanked him profusely and shelled out some SR50 for his trouble. He seemed unduly apologetic, which seemed odd at the time. I regretted my forgetting to ask for his good name and phone number --- he may be a useful asset should I need a ride in the future.

But the mystery and the regret disappeared when I saw my call history and saw a lot of calls to Pakistan and to some other places. Crap! However, I consider it fair trade since he did return my phone in one piece, and didn't ask for a reward.

First Thursday

"Ano ba naman 'yan, unang araw na walang pasok sa bagong taon, nagsesenti ka na?"

Well, this song is nice. Not exactly the feeling I have right now, but somehow pretty close. I haven't found a CD rip or mp3 of this, the copy we had was on cassette from almost twenty years ago. I don't know who bought it - maybe my sister did. A shout out for anyone who has a decent copy.

Just this morning I felt like writing a script while I was walking home. I had spent the night at a friend's place, trying to get myself a little soused up but it didn't work. In the end, we played NBA 2k7 on PS2 - 'Sheed Wallace was a monster in that video game, he torched Stevie Nash and the Suns for 101 points in two games, which the Pistons and Suns split.

But I digress.

SCENE. Int. Man on the landing of the stairs, gently turning the joint of left leg. He is wearing a jacket ill-suited for winter weather, and on his left shoulder is a black laptop backpack. Pulls out a set of keys. Keys jingle in his hand. His POV shot looking down the steps. A slight exhalation of breath. POV shot uneven and unsteady as he climbs down steps.
Ext. Still dark. Ululations from the the various mosques calling the faithful to prayer resonating in the distance. Focus on some paper touched by a stray breeze. Otherwise, there is little movement.
Man walks onto the sidewalk. His POV shot is direct at a nightwatchman all bundled up with jackets, dozing while a radio blazes a prayer broadcast. Man takes short steps at a time crossing the street. He stops and takes a look, sighs, and walks.
Ext. He is looking into the grocery store of window, no particular interest on anything.
Int. He is inside a building with marble floors, pressing an elevator button. Shot on elevator floor read-out it is off. Sigh heard again, and his POV climbing up a dark stairwell.
Int. We hear a door shut, a little quietly. It is a small bedroom with little furniture but clothes and papers thrown about - a bachelor's room. Man drops his backpack, raises his right arm to his nose and smells something unusual. Takes off the jacket. He stares at some papers strewn about, and what looks like some pictures or a theater playbill. There is no focus.
Man kicks off shoes and takes jeans off. His POV is on the ceiling as he lies in bed. Enter music.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS
For the definitive version, get one from George Benson's "Tenderly"

You don't know what love is
‘Til you’ve learned the meaning of the blues
Until you’ve loved a love you've had to lose
You don't know what love is

You don't know how lips hurt
Until you've kissed and had to pay the cost
Until you've flipped your heart and you have lost
You don't know what love is

Do you know how lost I've been
At the thought of reminiscing
And how lips that taste of tears
Lose their taste for kissing

You don't know how hearts burn
For love that cannot live yet never dies
Until you've faced each dawn with sleepless eyes
You don't know what love is.

Greeting 2008

As we enter this New Year, let us be thankful for all the blessings we have received and all the people who have made it possible for us to enjoy these blessings.

Let us be thankful for the gift of family, who are our anchors in this world --- this is made all the more too obvious particularly for expatriates like me who are uprooted from our homeland.

Let us be thankful for the gift of friends, the people who support us and are proven best by their need of our help and most especially, when we can show that we are vulnerable and weak in front of them.

As with any other year, 2007 has its own set of triumphs, challenges, and trials - some of them of our own creation, others beyond our control.

My personal learning in 2007 is the power of words --- how they form an integral part of our lives and of how much influence they have in building us up, or as the case may be, bringing us down. Certainly I had more than my fair share of hurtful words, and since they can no longer be taken away I can only hope to match them with words and acts that heal.

My personal resolution for 2008 is to make people feel more valuable --- each of us is a central character to the play/movie/concert of our lives, and my role, as a supporting player in each of those grand presentations, is to be a positive.

As the old year closes and the new one begins, I would like to thank each one of you this year for being part of the movie of my life. Certainly the script could have been better written, the direction more focused and consistent, and of course, the acting leaves so much room for improvement. As I am my biggest critic, I would have to say that my main character could certainly use a brush-up, so for the episode of 2008 I hope, at the very least, you'd stick around with me to see how the movie unfolds.

I hope you got your money's worth, and if you didn't, I would like to say sorry, I'll do better next time.

For those with whom I disagreed or hurt in the past year, I would like to thank you for teaching me the value of remorse and the necessity to make amends. Where there was sadness and pain, there could only be joy and laughter, if time and forgiveness permits.

For those who inspire me and for those who have gone above and beyond what I have expected of them, my thanks will never be enough but still I'll have to say them. May I be given an opportunity to do the same for you, and I hope that it will be soon.

Finally, let us be thankful for the gift of life and its wonder --- for each today that ends there is a tomorrow for us to look forward. There is so much unhappiness in this world, and in our own little corner, I pray that each one of us adds, and not detracts, to the happiness and well-being of the people around us. It is all that we have, and with God's help, perhaps we'll have a chance to make a whole new better world in 2008.

May we have the strength and wisdom to recognize that for each moment that passes, our past grows and our future shrinks. May we always then make the most of today.

May the Lord bless you and make it possible for you to have all the love and happiness that you deserve.

Happy New Year!

Rizal Day Rape

“In view of all these factors, I have decided not to run for president during the elections of 2004. If I were to run, it would require a major political effort on my part. But since I am among the principal figures in the divisive national events of the last two or three years, my political efforts can only result in never ending divisiveness. On the other hand, relieved of the burden of politics, I can devote the last year and a half of my administration to the following: First, strengthening the economy, to create more jobs, and to encourage business activity that is unhampered by corruption and red tape in government. Second, healing the deep divisions within our society. Third, working for clean and honest elections in 2004.”

--- Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, 30 December 2002.

Anybody want a refund?

Vicissitudes

Just a mere three years after the Indian Ocean tsunami its presence have been mostly wiped away from the world consciousness ---so many other things have taken precedence, this fad and that, what baby would Jamie-Lynn Spears have, the network wars, the continuing morass in Iraq, the presidential derby in the United States, and most of all, the collapse of the US dollar against the world's currencies. But the lives that have been affected are changed forever, and no headline would change that.

There is one headline, though, that gives pause --- the death of former Pakistani leader Benazir Bhutto in a wanton act of violence. This closes a loop on one of the watershed events of world history --- the rise of "People Power" and the eventual dismantling of Communism. Many of the heroes of that era - Mikhail Gorbachev, Vaclav Havel, Mario Vargas Llosa, Corazon Aquino, Benazir Bhutto, Lech Walesa, the Tiananmen Square martyrs --- where are they now? Memory and circumstance have dulled their sheen.

This, I pray, would be a martyr's death that will galvanize the elements in Pakistan toward unity. Let's not talk of worst-case scenarios --- if things can get any worse in Pakistan, the long-term stability of both South and Southwestern Asia will be compromised.

Closer to daily events, salary increase time has come a lot earlier this year --- thanks to our series of studies we are upgrading our salary scale (yay! more money), which naturally, has ignited some premature celebratory speculations --- the grapevine is seething more than ever.

It's still so easy to get caught up with these things - love, life, loss, our lives may be changed by things outside our control ...

Hmph. Yes, Hmph.

I'm just not happy with the look on this blog. Wish I could customize it further but this @##$%#$%#$ webwasher Internet police we have in the Company is stopping me (serves you right, Chief, you should be working!).

Still waiting for inspiration for that rockin'-sockin' super blog entry designed to floor everybody. In the meantime, am posting an adaptation of Sheryl Crow's "Strong Enough." With all due apologies of course. I didn't have the heart to mangle the final main verse, I just changed the POV.

Strong Enough (Sheryl Crow)

God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
It’s try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Would you be man enough to be my man?

Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave

Speaking from man's point of view, my version:

Look at all the stars tonight
Why must we even start to fight?
To love you means I’ll understand
I must be strong enough to be your man.

Who cares who was wrong or right
I’ll still be with you here tonight
You make the difference to all I am
I’ll be strong enough to be your man.

Lie with me
I love you, please believe
Lie with me
Oh please don’t leave.

Times will come when I won’t show
Or you’ll want to stay but I have to go
We’ll try to make the best we can
I am strong enough to be your man.

When you’ve shown me that you just don’t care
When you’re throwing punches in the air
When you’re broken down and just can’t stand
I’d be man enough to be your man.

Lie with me
I love you, please believe
Lie with me
Oh please don’t leave.

Edifice Building

This is a re-hash of an old post which I never completed. Still merits a little saying.

DAM
(Gary Granada)

Sa ngalan ng huwad na kaunlaran
Ang bayan ko'y sa utang nadiin
At ito na ang kabayaran
Ang kanunu-nunuang lupain

Ang mga eksperto'y nagsasaya
At nagpupuri at sumasamba
Sa wangis ng diyus-diyosan nila
Ang dambuhalang dam

Damdam damdam damda dadam
Damdam damdam damda dadam
Damdam damdam damda dadam
Ang dambuhalang dam

Ang mga tribu'y nagtatatangis
Nananaghoy at nababaliw
Habang ang mga turistang mababangis
Nalilibang at naaaliw

Sa mga pulubing nagsasayaw
Mga katutubo ng Apayao
Na napaalis kahit umayaw
Alang-alang sa dam

Damdam damdam...

Titigan ninyo ang gahiganteng bato
Nagsasalarawan ng lipunang ito
Tulad ng mga gumawa rin nito
Walang pakiramdam

Modern man needs his edifices in order to churn out the idea that progress --- the concept of
development --- continues and that change, as a constant that change is good.

The Ramos administration was founded on the paradigm that infrastructure was the key to development - that better edifices define the spirit of modernism in the Filipino --- in a sense, the pundits in his team were right --- bigger government spending spurred growth, and though businesses suffered in the interim, long-term growth was assured.

Of course, in the Philippine context, any public works improvement worth its salt must be budgeted thrice the amount in order to be called a worthy infrastructure project. A joke goes like this:

The city government was building a new garden and among the attractions was a wrought-iron gate. The contractor didn't have the skills to do it himself, so he opens a bidding and the top three participants were left - an American, a Mexican, and a Filipino.

The American submits his bid - $800 - $600 for materials, $200 for labor. The Mexican follows with $700 - $600 for materials, and $100 for labor.

The Filipino's bid was $2,700. The contractor asks: "How come this is so high?" The Filipino answers: "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and $700 for the Mexican to do the job."

Guess who won the contract?

Blowing Invisible Kisses

Malamig. Mahirap magsentimental sa panahon ng Pasko, baka atakehin ka sa puso.

Still, this song reminds me of lazy days of drawn-out summers back home when the novelty of vacationing from school has worn off and that reality that you are stuck with nothing to do sets in...

This reminds me of languid afternoons curled up in bed with a book as the storms raged in the heavens and school has been cancelled (or I wish they would, eventually)...

When love finally came to full flower as I reached my twenties it reminds me of stealing the last few kisses even as I part from her, fearing that there would be no tomorrow for us to be together, and then despairing when she decided that indeed, there would be no tomorrow, at least for us together...

Mostly it's about those quiet times, those times in between those regular crises, flare-ups, the wailing about paying the bills and someone's lost keys --- when you are with someone you love and the air between becomes richer, as if pregnant and alive with the invisible kisses you are blowing one another. And that you take comfort in such silence, knowing you need not speak, for in your silence lies the greatest passion of all.

Astrud Gilberto is such a genius. Someone, quick, pin her another medal.

"Parting with people is a sadness; a place is only a place." --- Frank Herbert, Dune

A CERTAIN SADNESS(Astrud Gilberto)

Look out the window when that rain storms
I let the wind blow up a brain storm
. . .and now I'm wondering
Whether weather like this gets you too

It may go on like this for hours
Too late in fall for April showers
So what we got here
Got a thought or two
I need to share with you

Here goes:

Darling tell me now
Have I done wrong somehow
That you won't look at me

Need it pointed out
Can't keep my wits about
When you won't look at me

Is there something I oughta know
You're finding hard to say?
Well there's just a trace
Hiding on your face
And I learned it that way

Just another soul
That really knows my soul
And you won't look at me

Does that take the prize?
How much I love those eyes
and they won't look at me

Now the rain has gone
But something lingers on
There's certain sadness here
Now that the sky is clear

And it's so so clear
yes, it's all so clear
To me now

And I can't help but feel
That certain sadness's here
To stay.

Stuck at First Gear

So I'm revved up, excited on getting started on all of the perfomance appraisal sheets for one of the companies in our group. The catch is --- the system is DOWN. It has been for the past few days. The bright boys in IT went for a maintenance run and scheduled it during the Christmas break of our provider in Europe. Pure genuis. So now I'm stuck filing other papers, or worse, I might actually start on meaningful work. Crap!

I decided to wear my leathers this morning because I wanted to look formal for the first time in weeks --- I've stopped using my Docs because they are absolutely killing my feet. It's still a toss-up if I want to exchange arthritis in the feet for a more malignant, yet less painful ailment --- but I guess the Man Upstairs won't help me out on this one. Anyway, I'm stuck waiting in front of our apartment building for fifteen minutes because my carpool was late. It was cold, and I couldn't sit on the steps because our maintenance man decided to take a vacation too. And oh, I may have forgotten, our elevator is broken too.

Okay, yeah, it's a bad start for the day. Thank God it's Christmas, I could be bugshit about anything but the Lord celebrates his birthday today. Ummm, yup, that sure more than evens out everything in the greater scheme of things.

Merry Christmas!

The World is Still Flat

"Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.”
--- Robert Heinlein, science fiction writer

“You should never try and teach a pig to read for two reasons. First, it's impossible; and secondly, it annoys the hell out of the pig!”
--- Will Rogers, humorist

I must have been blessed to awaken feelings in people that makes them want to argue with me. Or else, I'm choosing to hang around with people who, for some reason, rub on me the wrong way or vice-versa.

Just yesterday, I had a long discussion with one of my buddies on relaxing the vow of celibacy so that Catholic priests can marry and raise families. While I certainly agreed with his contention that it should be allowed (which I'm sure would spark some debate from those who care enough to read this blog and chime in an opinion), we never could agree as to the why it should be allowed. Like anyone who has some exposure to the Socratic method, I wanted to pin him down on how and why he thought his original statement was valid. For some reason, I found the way he flung about his statement as misinformed and irresponsible. Anyone can express an opinion, but for me to agree to it, I have to find out why.

(Sue me --- I was hung over, semi-depressed, and perhaps in need of a hug.)

After we broke off (both of us had to go back to work), it just occurred to me that we have been debating a lot lately. I don't know if it's me, or the things we talk about, or the way we go about our lives in general. Personally, I'd try to avoid expressing an opinion that is not backed up by something solid --- in matters of politics, of the heart, or of science, evidence does help --- but since I'm a bit offbeat myself, being a contrarian is something that is almost impossible to avoid.

Another time I got into an e-mail dispute with someone I hardly knew over my opinion over their choir's performance and repertoire. Looking back, I believe I was at fault over how I expressed myself, but then again, it wouldn't have gone that way if the other person wasn't as stubborn as I was. Eventually I had to concede and granted him whatever moral victory he could get, not because I agreed with his viewpoint but because at some point, trifles such as our discussion could be, and should be, avoided.

Still, another .... but wait, I think what I would add would reach the same conclusion --- it doesn't pay to argue when a) the issue to be decided affects no one in the end; b) it is outside my area of expertise; c) it is only a matter of conjecture.

But I just love arguing. I can't stop. So these quotes are for me --- no, people whom I argue with aren't pigs (though some of them seem that way, sometimes), but arguing the (somewhat useless) point solves nothing.

So if anyone wants to pick at something with me, let me forestall you ---yup, I agree with you the world is still flat.

Kids, Don't Read This - Which Means You Will

This is for the buddies back home.

I'd rather not name my buddy who brainstormed with me (well, not really a brainstorm, it was like reaching deep thoughts while sitting on the crapper), but I can't take full responsibility for it, either. This was one of our favorite car songs, especially in those days when radio stations started to play the same old stuff and we were too poor (and cheap) to put in a cassette or CD of some other tunes.

It also gave us some form of solace that we were being creative and that someday our talent would get arrested (you bet we would, but for altogether different reasons, hehe ...)

We first wrecked "Pare Ko" by the Eraserheads (which was easy, just change "pinaasa" to "ginahasa" and there you go, plus some other combos), and then we moved on "Toyang" (which is by far the best, but one I'll share only in person), and then to this piece, which is funny, but not as much. We later tried "With A Smile" and "Ang Huling Al Bimbo" but by then we had started doing our own material, but the jokes were so in-house the songs just didn't have "mass appeal."

Naturally, this isn't the best side of all of us who chipped in with these songs --- but it does work if you're young, carefree, and it helps if you're drinking, though for the record we were not on ANYTHING when we did these songs. With all due apologies to the original composers.

To all those people who put in a vote of confidence in me, now's the time to think about possibly taking it back.

SONNY (sung to the Eraserheads' "Shirley")

Hayok na naman si Sonny
Sa dalagang masikip ang p*ki
Sila'y nag-f*ck sa may Antipolo kagabi

The next week, hot item na sila
Nagkakan**tan papunta sa CASAA
Kung maglampungan akala mo walang katabi

Ganyan kalibog, ganyan kalibog
Ganyan kalibog, ganyan kalibog

Parati na siyang tulong sa eskuwela
Gulo-gulo palagi ang buhok niya
Tumitirik ang mata kapag naglalakad sa kalye

Ganyan kalibog, ganyan kalibog
Ganyan kalibog, ganyan kalibog

Ngunit isang araw sa may SM sila'y nag-away
Nag-umbagan, nagtadyakan
Hanggang sila'y malupaypay sa away
Umiiyak silang umuwi dahil sila'y may AIDS!

After three days, tumawag ang duktor ni Sonny
Diagnosis pala niya'y mali!
Hala! Punta kay dalaga at sila'y nagkan**tan uli!

Ganyan kalibog, ganyan kalibog
Ganyan kalibog, ganyan kalibog!

Hayok na naman si Sonny...

Cold Realization

Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure.
-- Knute Rockne

Eid Mubarak!

So here I am in the office, trying to recover some of my fried brain cells from having to work during what is supposed to be our vacation. Well, IT IS salary increment computation time, and like it or not, people would want to see some form of salary increase on their paychecks within the first quarter of 2008. Then we get this directive that we have to get it done before January payroll. If holiday had not happened, I bet they would have steamrolled us to get it done before December payroll. You have to love management's devotion, but some fool is going to have to bear the brunt of getting the job done; in which case, IT'S ME!

(Maniacal laughter in the background).

I'm not really complaining; after all, it is my job portfolio and this is what it means to hold my job title. It's just ... yeah, I hate to admit it, this part of the year really tugs at those homesick heartstrings, and it has struck me that this season marks the third year I haven't spent Christmas back home. I absolutely hate the whole commercialization of the holiday season, and for some I may seem to be the prototypical Scrooge, I did appreciate Christmas for what it was and is --- an opportunity to be with the people one really cares about.

I would like to bitch about how the system's down for preventive maintenance.
I would like to bitch about my aching body parts.
I would like to bitch about the timing of my work and events in the year.
Even if I shouldn't --- there isn't any predetermined unfairness here.

To be fair, I have friends, some of whom have children who help fill the void. But try as I may, capturing all these feelings and experiences, and bottling them into a drink, if I may, would not slake my thirst for the people and things I miss back home. It just isn't the same, and it will never be.

It's hard to be lonely -- and even in the midst of other people, it becomes all the more obvious that I'm alone. Put any silver lining on this, it just isn't possible --- so for this year, I'm asserting that this state of events is unacceptable.

Until next year.

The Coming of Homo Superior

Human evolution speeding up--study - INQUIRER.net

Maybe the editorial teams at Marvel or of shows like "Heroes" have gotten it correctly. Hope these changing genomes won't mean why certain people from certain regions have really bad B.O., smelly turds, or chronic halitosis. Yup, it's hard not to be racist when you're in a public toilet and get to see so many examples at work every single day. I do clap for mutations that work ot for bigger, fluffier breasts and better "packages," hahahahaha!

The downside to all of this is some misanthropic, racist pyscho will go on about how his or her race has a "manifest destiny" --- it's o.k. if they blog from the comfort of their own PCs, it's another thing if they start cults, wage wars or launch mass-murder drives. But wait, hasn't the Bush administration already done this?

Diversion

This track is testament to why The Rolling Stones were named "the greatest rock & roll band of all time." Though I will always be a Beatles homer, the Stones have earned their props. They were prolific, lived through several personnel changes (including the deaths of founders Brian Jones and Ian Stewart), and have kept themselves relevant with every changing generation, while continuing to inspire other acts to do as well as they did. The solo efforts of principals Mick Jagger and Keith Richards have hardly detracted from the overall identity of the band.

I'm catching on quite slowly with the Stones (yes, I am still a Beatles homer), but given time and opportunity I'll ramp up my playlist with their tunes.

I have come to like this tune by virtue of its being a central motif in some episodes of the first season of "House, MD" which I saw for the first time only during the past few days. I found Hugh Laurie as Dr. Gregory House downright offensive but totally compelling, which was what he was supposed to do, I surmise. Well, he did earn awards from the Golden Globes and the Screen Actors Guild for his portrayal of the idiosyncratic diagnostician, made all the more credible because he is a British actor pulling off a flawless American accent. And, the dude is a musician and novelist on the side. Cool.

Of course I have a crush on Dr. Allison Cameron, not so much because of Jennifer Morrison herself but how the character concept and actress meshed perfectly. Sue me, that's how her character is supposed to appeal to my particular demographic.

One notable film I saw during that span was Denis Dercourt's "La Tourneuse Des Pages" (The Page Turner) with Deborah Francois, all of 20 years old. She's a stunner, though the film itself is memorable for its direction and photography. It had a few technical goofs with the wardrobe, and the script could have used some more fleshing out of inner motives, but the result is still worth the price of the ticket, so to speak. However, I had to watch it in the original French without any subtitles! (What a downer.)

I was also able to sneak in seeing the latest installment of those trendy reptilian martial artists, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, in "TMNT." Yeah, the movie blows, but who cares? Turtles rule!

Weather Report, and Bowls

It's almost the end of the year and I realized that I have posted less than half of my total posts in 2006. The quality of the writing rose and ebbed as well, but then again, I did mention sometime during the first half of the year that I found something else with which to express myself --- mainly gouge my eyes out doing work, then finding out it made no sense at all and now I'm on the verge of giving up.

Do I hate myself a little? Yes. But then, now I know I'm hating my job situation, I have to choose the right solution. Put up, or shut up and go man your station.

It's the Yule season again in the Philippines and even here homes have picked up some festive spin. Since winters are cooler here you don't need reminders that it's once again this time of year.

Speaking of which, one of the great stories of December was in 1994 (or for most other Decembers in my life, save for those of my earliest childhood), when most of our people in SHARE were in one way or another connected to the World Youth Day organization. If I were to play my experience in SHARE from start to finish, I think we had peaked right there and then as an organization that could have had national status. We didn't play it the right way then, and being the idealists that we were, many of us thought everyone else was the chump for not being who we were. Yeah, I could have used that memo reminding me otherwise.

The English call it "Boxing Day" - the day after Christmas. Some of our closest friends went out together to get ourselves prepared for the grind. Our group was mostly involved with General Services, which mainly dealt with housing and food services. We had become ingrained in the spirit of the event that we were actually staying over at headquarters in Intramuros. So going out that day was a treat - with about three weeks to go and preparations nowhere near finished. From where we stood, that is.

The core of the original "Bob-Boys" (in tribute to Bob Millanes, our section chair, and a pun on how much we were the pigs that we were) was there - Gerard, Feds, and me. (Robert found the work a little on the side of drudgery, so he dropped out in the work but kept our spirits up just the same.) Our buddy Des, who had just returned from vacation from the States and found no room in GS but joined the Marketing group instead, was also there.

The main players, who were peripheral to the WYD but were our main reason to go out (aside from the usual reason of getting drunk) were Jenny C, who was wrapping up her last few terms with DLSU and volunteered to be at HQ, and Rommel F., who was her steady at the time, who of course had to be there, since he did the driving.

Intramuros is grand in the evenings --- it has both the romance and Old-World charm that was colonial Manila, plus the inexplicable but palapable thrill of the possibility of having oneself witness or directly experience a random mugging. I'm sure you snobs who drool over Hong Kong, London or New York have this, but in different doses.

We didn't do the sights - the guys who were camped out at HQ were tired of Intramuros, but hey, we did want to drink, and the place to be, then as now, was Malate. We all met up and then proceeded to Tia Maria's in Adriatico (I don't know if it's still there ---I haven't been there in almost five years) and proceeded to wolf down the chow and wash it down with some liquor.

I know people have been known to go into heights of ecstasy over rare vintages or choice cuts of meat, but nothing beats the simple pleasure of eating too much food and drinking so much alcohol because you can afford it, and it feels good too, dammit! So it was for us right there and then. At that time, the place had no band, but the house music was pretty good and we were stacking it up there with the fajitas, nachos, and the beer, not to mention our own orders of food.

In his usual funny-scrappy-weasely-but-so-helplessly-hilarious-you-can't-help-but-laugh-or-else-have-an-embolism way, Des took over the conversation. He always had the japes for everyone, but that day, I was his whipping boy. The fact that I couldn't remember what he said meant that it was just one of those days. But I was in too good a mood (or too numb, I can't say which) so we went back-and-forth for most of the meal. He could act drunker than any efficient beer guzzler, but the Des was actually drinking iced tea.

Here comes the kicker - Jenny absolutely loved laughing at our jokes. For once I put up a comment (which until today I still can't remember, though everything else was clear) which cracked everybody up, though Des started the line. We sent ourselves up in stitches, though Jenny was probably shrieking compared to us. It was an effort to stop from breaking out in guffaws, and by the time we stopped Jenny was breathing heavily. Even the group at the other table, who were loud in the first place, looked askance at us -- though there was this guy that laid the Eye on Jenny. Rommel had a semi-stern look by that time (probably because of the guy, though the man on a good day would never run out of jokes) but seeing that Jenny was taking on the color of green carpet I couldn't have blamed him. She warned us too --- to stop.

We went on for a more seconds until Des delivered the super-finish of the blow, and out came the laughs again! But all of this was suddenly erased when Jenny suddenly choked, coughed, and hiccuped (and in that order, too) before she hurled almost everything she had that night! Lucky for us, Rommel was really razor-sharp and got the saucebowl for our fajitas to catch all of her vomit.

Lesson: always have a quick hand to catch your vomit.

The rub to all of this thing was while Jenny hurled in front of our faces, she actually brushed back her hair in a flirtatious-but-conservative-I'm-prim-and-proper manner that was even far funnier than her giving us flashbacks of The Exorcist.

Second lesson: you could still be pretty while disgorging the contents of your stomach.

When we had the stuff all cleared and the service crew helped us with everything (Jenny was pretty neat - everything landed in the bowl. I give that feat 100 points - mainly by giving me a reason to cite something gross and still be complimentary of the one who did it!), Des, still the usual kidder, asked the waiter for another bowl, just in case, well, if she went at it again.

If this were a cartoon world a huge mallet would have come out of Rommel's pocket and he would smashed all of Des' brains. But since he was a doctor, and knew how Des needed his brain, he just forbore on vengeance and just issued stern warnings, while at the same time sucking up to his girlfriend by being solicitous (I didn't find this cheap. It was actually endearing that a couple could still go all saccharine at the notion of vomit).

Well, yeah, she did hurl at least two times more on the way home, but nothing could have beaten what we had just experienced. The night ended semi-badly, but Jenny made the rounds of all our stories for three straight years. If she gives me an excuse nowadays, with all due respect, I'd still make her remember, hehe.

I need more of those days and less of what I'm having right now.

But as the good poet Mick Jagger said, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes - well you might find - you get what you need."

Willing Exile: Talking It Up A Little

Star Wars Horoscope

I haven't done this in a while. So here goes:

Star Wars Horoscope for Libra

You are on a lifelong pursuit of justice and determined to succeed. You convey the art of persuasion through force. You always display your supreme intelligence. You have a great talent in obtaining balance between yourself and your surroundings. Star wars character you are most like: Obi Wan Kenobi

What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

The Hits Keep Coming . . .

Jakarta floods blamed on climate change - CNN.com

Sifting through the Middle East headlines is like an exercise pulling your teeth with dental floss. You got that right. For all of the positives of economic development in the region, everyone's getting the collective shaft in Iraq --- and though I don't really like the U.S., I feel for the poor average-Joe soldiers getting shot at and killed while their puppet masters make off with the cash (shades of Oliver Stone - I know, I know, but that man may have a point). Meantime, Iraqis are killing their fellows with a vengeance. What a mess.

On the "local" front, the big issue is a Filipina getting the death penalty in Kuwait. Really a sad story - Filipinos are not just peons you can rub your boogers at, so I guess that employer had it coming. But still - you tell me why our government still keeps on allowing these issues to continue. Filipinos, domestic duties, and abusive employers are a bad mix. Throw in desperation and homesickness and you have it --- you produce these kinds of cases. And now the Philippine government sends the VP over to perform heroics. It's unfair to Ka Noli to give him this task and expect great results, and nobody put a gun to Marilou Ranario's head to take that job.

And oh, don't get me started on the new round of peace talks on Palestine. One sh*t pile of deception after another, and no side comes clean. What a train wreck.

On to the main feature --- the troubles in Indonesia as a result of climate change are a sure sign that worse things are also in store for the Philippines. For an archipelagic nation such as the Philippines, the signs are already there - killer flash floods, the smog in Manila, the receded coastline of Manila. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its Climate Change report some few days back. Al Gore wasn't kidding. The tragedy in Bangladesh with typhoon Sidr is not incidental. We need to make changes now.

Some fast facts:

• We are fast losing snow, and Arctic summer sea ice has been reduced.
• By the start of the next century, average surface temperatures could rise by between 1.1C and 6.4C, compared to those of the '80s.
• Sea levels will rise by at least 18 cm.
• Expect more forces of nature acting against us -- heat waves, rainstorms, tropical cyclones and surges in sea level --- more frequently and to a greater degree
• The first and the most to lose will be the poor nations, as always, particulary small island-states, and developing economies where people live in river deltas.
• Expect more famine in Africa as water and rainfall would be ever more scarce. Half a billion people will be affected by 2020. Crop yields will be cut in half.
• Thirsty? By the middle of this century, lots of water due to flooding in the coastal areas of Central, South, East and Southeast Asia, but fresh water for drinking will be less available due to depleted water tables and aquifers.
• We are losing more forest cover than those industrial foresters are claiming to replenish.

Them hits just keep on coming. It's never too late to start conservation efforts.

Landing the Big Fish

Craigslist Meets WallStreet

Courtesy of this post from Jessica Zafra.

I can't say I'm not surprised. If the premise that women go with the money were true, maybe I should bamboozle (or con) my boss to give me a shagadelic-level pay raise. That is, of course, if I'm aiming for a trophy wife. Under the circumstances, no, I think I'll pass.

I don't believe Pinays are really out for money, but if you mention the notion of "security" collective ears are perking up.

There's this joke going around our friends since most of us in our relative peer group are married. Only my colleague in our department and another from our Finance Department are eligible bachelors (we do have other bachelors, but I believe they're "bachelorettes," to use a kinder term), so we often banter about why we aren't married. Here in Saudi Arabia, money is of course an issue but less so since the working women here are relatively independent, even more so financially, than their counterparts back in the Philippines. Security is a bigger consideration than money. Which leads to the joke....

A veteran OFW from Saudi Arabia talks the issue on security: "Huwag mong sabihing gusto ng babae ng security para magpakasal. Ang security, umiinom ng tuba. Ako, driver, may pambili ako ng beer!"

(Translated: "Don't say women like security for marriage. Security (guards) drink coconut wine (easily available, just like moonshine). I'm a driver and I can afford beer!"

Which leads back to our conundrum - if I'm doing so well (relatively) compared to many of my peers, how is it I am getting nowhere? Hmmm... maybe I'm in the wrong circles. Or, maybe I'm not putting myself in the right market. Or (and a big "hmmmm" to follow) I'm not that inherently desirable to women in the first place!

(Small voice: Yes, Chief. Do start angling for that pay raise. The dollar value is really shrinking, anyhow...)

I'm not really that vain as to my physical person to start with (maybe that's why I get little attention as well), but I do have that little vanity that I can manage to attract someone because of me, not of any personal success or money that comes along.

But, in any case, dollar-sense or otherwise, the facts of the matter are clear -- it's not the money that gets them, but that you're willing to spend it (hahahaha!). Still, if I need it, I will take surrogate affection for the meantime -- which leads to an even older exchange with some of the buddies back home ---

"If you're on a one-time date, whom would you rather have --- a girl who could possibly be girlfriend material, or a porn star?" My buddy Robert pipes up - "I'll pick the porn star. I don't have to spend much on the date and I will have a guaranteed good time!"

A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. ---
Anonymous

Uninvited

Look closely at the kid in the picture. He is my youngest nephew, my middle sister's eldest child. They named him Jeremiah Angelo, partly after me. I don't know why, really. I am tickled pink of course. :-)

New life is all around us. It's a beautiful thing.

The biggest downer to all of this is how Death creeps up on those of my generation. Another of the people in our high school batch passed away, due to a massive heart attack. I have to admit - I'm scared. Not of the fact of dying in itself, but that my death would leave a gaping hole in the lives of those who depend on me. Death is that one guest that always comes uninvited but one you can't turn away at all. Unless, of course, you put in the security system that is called "sound living."

Living that kind of well-balanced life can sometimes be brutal especially if one has picked up so many bad habits along the way. Building a wholesome discipline is an arduous task, made all the more difficult by the necessity of losing the bad habits along the way.

So there, I am not in the best of shape these days. I try, but the trying can be trying (ugh! ugly pun, buddy). I don't need a wake-up call --- I'm in that situation where I've stuffed three pillows on top of the darned alarm siren!

I still believe the passing of time can be a good thing, but the memories are starting to become more vivid. That's a bad sign. It's time to make a new set of memorable experiences. That uninvited guest will eventually pay a visit, but I'd rather put myself in that situation where his coming isn't all that bad, though I'd never lay out the welcome mat, naturally.

"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby." - Natalie Wood

Missing Out on Trivia

Myleene Klass - The Official Website - myleeneklass.co.uk

It's official - I'm out of the pop loop.

Man, how could I miss referencing on this girl? Well, yeah, she's mostly in the Anglo market rather than the American, but still, she's a Filipina! At least half from her mother's side. A poll from a British media outlet named her the Best Celebrity Body for 2007 - for the guys it was Daniel Craig.

On another note, Miss Canada won the Miss Earth contest in Manila.

That's about it for pop references.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Literary lion Norman Mailer dies - CNN.com

Two of my favorite quotes from the man:

"Sentimentality is the emotional promiscuity of those who have no sentiment."

"Tough guys don't dance. You had better believe it."

One of the last authors whose personal legend exceeded their own fame. I hated going through his books, but at least I could claim I was cultured by reading them.

Denied! And Then Some

Boy hires hitman to kill parents after grounding denies PlayStation, TV - Engadget

Some guys are just plain dumb. Yep, video games can do that to you.

I wouldn't recommend it, but try going through a 20-volume encyclopedia when you're grounded. That's what I did if my parents were angry at me or we weren't allowed to go out. It took me some six-odd years in between (of course, by the second year I was fully hooked, even though our Encyclopedia International was about 15-odd years old by the time I started reading it) to finish the darned thing. That's a lot of downtime. A lot.

And oh yeah, that process of indoctrination is irreversible. If you would consider me sane, that is.

Fed Up

Posturing - INQUIRER.net

Let the commentaries begin.

Money rules, losers drool.

I'm posting just as I have wrapped up another directing job, this time for the concert of friends who are part of the all-male a capella choir Saringhimig. I was happy with the result considering all the challenges we faced prior to the show. The dynamic in the choir is not altogether healthy and I foresee them making changes after the concert. On an objective level, they do need to address the talent quotient among their members plus they have to figure out how to handle the other aspects of the performance business than the actual singing itself.

I posted about these guys during the 2006 TFC Pop Star competitions and they have undergone a lot of flux since then. Well, at least, two of the winners of the Saudi nationals, Kim M and Jasmine A, made it as guests. While I may not agree personally with how their parents and mentors are managing their careers (as if I had the right, but still...) , I'm sure these young ladies will have a bright future. They have the talent to do it, certainly.

Anyhow, one wonders what relation does our link for the day have with this concert --- the scale of the events happening in the Philippines is incredibly disturbing, to say the least, notwithstanding the tragedy befalling the Saguisags, which is a situation I'd hardly wish for anyone. Maybe we need some human interest stories such as this to take our minds away from the rest of the political landscape. Otherwise, we will just turn numb.

It's money. Money and influence and all the influence- and leverage-peddling that goes on in our government and society --- they gnaw at the tatters of our moral fabric. We have a generation of young people who know no better, who have forgotten the cruelties of Martial Law and the struggle to regain our democracy --- they who only know Erap and how many betrayals have taken place since he was elected.

We have people wishing for the show of the iron fist to put back the country back on track. How foolish, how naive would it be for us to expect that the "savior" will slink back into obscurity once they have tasted power and all its trappings and perks. We asked for Erap to leave and we got Gloria, who proved to be little better.

Yes, do cheer up that our country's fundamentals have been healthier since she assumed power. Forget the involuntary disappearances, the "Hello Garci" incident, the Macapagal Boulevard scam, the fertilizer scam, the ZTE broadband scam, the endless allegations of jueteng, the shameful handling of the Subic rape case, among many other things. Forget that the continuum of President Arroyo's administration spans cases from the absurd to the downright galling. The economy is doing great, hurrah!

Meantime, family incomes are shrinking as prices rise. Having hope is a great exercise, at least to tell ourselves it would turn out all right.

The chain of events up to now is only leaven for more cynicism. Avoiding the news now is more of a given than a choice. I've had it - I'm officially fed up with the state of affairs in the Philippines. Making me care would be a stretch --= from now on, I'll try my best to talk about positive stuff.

This is where all current events begin to intersect --- obviously there is garden-variety corruption you can encounter in your own backyard. Malacañang sounds impressive, but guess what? Sneak-thieving is even more frustrating when it's not even supposed to happen. Then again, anyone with a modicum of power is likely to abuse it.

The concert was held at the Filipino community school in Al Khobar - a favored site because of its accessibility, sufficient size, adequate stage, affordability, and most of all, the positive vibe of conducting the activity without drawing too much attention from the local authorities. The organizers got a call from the school on Wednesday morning saying that they needed a permit from the government to conduct the concert.

My advice was for them to get one posthaste, so that there would be no static from the school. It was standard practice that the organizer of the event would secure the permit (the SH boys did not read the fine print, so sorry, and boy, were they sorry!), though this never came up as problem for us in SPA-TDG since our activities involved the school's students. After some messages were passed back-and-forth, I surmised everything would be okay by that afternoon.

Surprise! The school board met during the afternoon and then issued a directive that the show didn't have a permit, and therefore should not proceed. News of a raid at the Indian school was still fresh as there seems to be some initiative from the locals to kick expat butt and maintain law and order. Or so how these things normally go; after the raids either the passion ebbs or grease money flows, and it's back to business as usual.

I was elsewhere that evening to prepare the lights for the show and received word that there was a problem. So off I went to talk with the school authorities

What I feared was that they would throw SH out but at least they were reasonable enough to allow the preparations to proceed without any interference from the school provided a permit would be secured by 4:00pm the following day, thus begging for some legerdemain since government offices close on Wednesday evening. One of the choir members said that their company had a strong connection with the government, so we worked on the assurance that we would secure a permit. It was really rolling the dice at that point.

I almost lost my head listening to the Chairman of the School Board and the Principal defend their position that the school would have no liability arising from the cancellation of the show. It was a defense buttressed by denials, hand-wringing, and overall disavowal of any responsibility for the fiasco that was looming in front of them.

1.) The reservation was secured in September and though SH did not read the fine print, the school, having ownership of the premises and thus final responsibility, did not even follow-up on the permit which, as far as I'm concerned, should have been quid pro quo if they were really conscious of the regulations. SH, of course, should take full responsibility for the lack of the permit, but they redeemed themselves by doing what it took to get the show going.

2.) The school called the week before asking about the permit but did not press the issue. I don't know what's going on in the heads of these school authorities. You're taking the organizer's money, for crying out loud! Where's the "ownership" of the situation? As I was not in the loop when this conversation happened, I wasn't able to advise the group of what to expect.

3.) The school authorities were well-aware of the events surrounding the raid and took steps only when it was too late, i.e. on the last day. Even given that situation, they took the entire afternoon to discuss whether to grant approval, which is pretty much putting the cart before the horse.

4.) There is no fixed procedure from the school on how to secure the permit that will assist users should they want to get one. If there is one, they haven't educated their front-liners how to answer questions.

5.) What made it galling was that when I asked for their inputs on the matter, we were met with "that's your problem, not ours."

6.) The school had a Foundation Day event on the following day, Friday, with --- you guessed it --- musical performances and dance performances on the schedule. They couldn't have missed the schedule for the concert --- and could have taken safeguards earlier, if they were really concerned about local regulations.

Work on the venue proceeded as scheduled --- and it was only the guarantee of one of the show's sponsors that we were able to proceed.

Some things which disturbed me before and after the event:

1.) The school had scheduled a big chunk of activities for its Foundation Day without regard for the reservation schedule. There were practices, practices, practices in the venue until the kids were asked to leave and brought home by school buses.

2.) A parallel activity with one of the community organizations was scheduled at the same time as the concert - and one of the participants actually went to the school, even asking if the program had started.

3.) The primary equipment for the school's sound system was removed just right before we started preparations, and we found out later that the system was brought to this community organization's event.

4.) After his big show of concern over the permit of the show, the Chairman was rather dismissive when the "cavalry" arrived, conveniently passing on to the Principal the responsibility of resolving any untoward incident that could occur.

5.) The Chairman happens to be one of the prominent members of this other community organization.

It's easy to put two and two together, though for now I would give the Chairman, his cohorts, and the school authorities the benefit of the doubt over their actions. Still, this has not been my first experience with the arbitrariness of the school authorities as regards their venue. Nor has it been my first encounter, both first-hand and through trusted sources, of the Chairman's underhanded practices and his arrogance.

The Chairman is dependent on the votes of his fellow parents to stay in office. Recently, there have been signals from their Board that they want to forestall new elections and that the Chairmanship be rotated among the incumbents.

The school is a lucrative business --- understandably, to operate it the costs are passed onto the students and their families. The cost of educating a student at the school is similar to the cost of sending a student to a top private school in the Philippines. The control of financial transactions --- both for educational and non-educational purposes --- rests with the Board. That is a large cash flow managed through the hands of few individuals --- and there is no power to audit their actions except through election, though by that time damage would have been done.

Raise your hand if this reminds you of something.

Case closed.

Looking for a Laugh Trip

Plasma 2, originally uploaded by Off beat Mum.

We all need a laugh and I guess you’re just the one. - Rod Stewart, Silicone Grown

It seems things get interesting for bloggers when they start to whine. Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap! When does it end?

I stubbed my toe last week. It hurt like hell and it's all bruised. Yap, yap, yap.

I dropped my cellphone and now the sound's all screwed up. Yap, yap, yap.

I got up late, missed my ride, and my boss chewed me a new asshole when I got to work. Yap, yap, yap.

The President of the Philippines pardoned her predecessor for corruption charges that could not be proven conclusively, while her political fate still hangs in the balance. Yap, yap, yap.

The peso's value has risen but our earning power has fallen. Yap, yap, yap.

No one really knows if the proverbial shit hit the fan in the mall explosion or if anyone is still shoveling shit in our faces to avoid blame. Yap, yap, yap.

If it were possible, I'd like to stick my finger into a wall outlet to find out if I can get a buzz, much like this interesting photo I just found. Man, I need a laugh trip. Movies won't do it --- I recently watched "Blades of Glory" and the movie was so ghey, though there were only a few scenes where I laughed out loud. I did find Rob Zombie's take on the "Halloween" franchise a tad hilarious.

Anyhow, I've watched too many slasher movies ---the type where most of the pretty girls get chopped up and the somewhat virginal plain Jane survives --- in the past few days (Vengeance is mine, b*tch! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! --- but that's maniacal, not jovial. ).

I surmise even getting myself soused up won't do the trick. As far as I know, waking up with a hangover is a poor excuse after laughing it up in your own snot and puke.

And no, getting laid is not the answer, but it does me give stupid ideas. Then again, no.

Maybe I'll post this ad in our intra-Company classifieds:

WANTED: A laugh trip that would leave person in stitches. Substance abuse and pornography optional but not necessary. No moving devices required. Misanthropes need not apply.

The Riskies

How Scared Should We Be? - Health - New York Times Blog
(registration required)

Just a short rejoinder though --- how do they count people jumping in front of cars?

In Force on Friday

Save the day - INQUIRER.net

Well, back on track. The situation back home is not good for a number of expatriates over here - martial law in Pakistan as the situation has greatly deteriorated. In the Philippines? The circus is in town, but no one really knows who the ringmaster really is. It's so easy to be dismissive of the events and the politicians, but then again, everywhere, Filipinos always find ways to shoot ourselves in the foot when opinions clash.

One thing that bodes ill for the current administration is the lack of protest over the pardon of convicted former President Estrada. The pardon itself shows political savvy, but this short-term move shores up nothing for the future.

What a mess.

I don't know what I will be able to do on Friday. But I will don my passable black t-shirt to show that I am one with others in the nation who care about the way the administration and many other politicans have mortgaged the future of our collective soul.

For Lack of Better Words, This! ...

Willing Exile: And the Word Is ... Love

I wish this could be easier, but I am way past adolescence to agonize over it. So here goes (sigh).

I’m way deep into what I’d like to say intense infatuation. Yeah, I won’t kid myself about it. I’m in love.

Who is she? That’s not important. At least to you, Constant Reader, would it really matter if she’s just the girl who bandaged my knee at the hospital the other week or the woman whom I’ve helped with her remittance back home at Western Union? What she does is less important than who she is.

Who is she? No, she isn’t the girl in the billboard commercial, or the girl swaying her hips at some reality show. She isn’t a voyeuristic fantasy, though it may feel that way after these months of enforced solitude.

I’m in love with this girl, this woman, not because she has some ethereal beauty that would take one’s breath away. Well, maybe to other people, but to me, she does. She has the fluid grace that fills my soul my heart just wants to stop and be forever overwhelmed. But even then, that’s not the reason why I feel for her the way I do.

I’ve always longed for connection, where there is a true meeting of minds that eclipses the idea of physical intimacy. It’s been long in coming here in Saudi Arabia, mainly because I have been reluctant to allow myself the opportunity, no, the beauty of finding someone. Is she the one? Maybe.

It really seems unfair to you, Constant Reader, not to let you in on the details of this. But that is where suggestion and perception will do their part --- I will pretend I am making a suggestion to this effect, and you will pretend that you have perceived my actual meaning. In that way we can lie to one another that I have actually achieved my goal and you truly understand what I intend to say.

Anyhow, I’m stalling since I have not reached into the true heart of the matter.

WHO…

(Do you really have to know?)

IS…

(Well, if I’m actually going to admit…)

SHE?

If you know your Kevin Costner movies, her first name is the same as the true name of Mary McDonnell’s character in “Dances with Wolves.” Okay, that’s a dead giveaway, unless you don’t know your Google. If you want another giveaway, try the name of Arnie Cunningham’s best friend. It’s a name that was very popular in the 1960’s, or so I’m told. It’s one of my favorite names as well, as far as the girls I have had relationships go --- once during high school and another during that short time I taught in Pampanga.

But anyhow, I let her onto the secret and she turned me down. I asked her permission to proceed, and she shot me down.

I’m sure she has her own reasons, valid in her own mind, and since I asked her stand on it, I’ll have to let it be and respect her decision.

Sure, I was devastated. I still am. I was one of those idiots who said being good friends is enough. Hell, no! Nobody says that thing with any certainty unless he isn’t really invested in having a relationship. Oh yeah, I lied, or better yet, I wasn’t really thinking straight at that time. Being in love turns my brain to mush.

But hey, a few months ago I almost broke my leg and it still hurts like hell. I’m still alive. (Side note: when she and I danced, I budged my knee a little --- TWICE --- and the pain was excruciating. Yeah, I’m not kidding about that kind of pain). I was about to play Lennon-McCartney’s “I’m A Loser” but then again, it wasn’t ALL that bad. It’s not as if I put my heart through a wringer pining for her affections.

(Small voice: By the way, don’t believe any word of good humor here. I’m a sore loser.)

It’s funny --- in a different way --- that we get along so well even when we agreed to disagree. I don’t know what about having a relationship with me makes it “uncomfortable” for her… maybe she has some secret thing that I am completely unaware of, or that she has some unbreakable commitment. I honestly don’t know, and at this point, I don’t want to ask because I don’t want to know the answer.

I hope it’s not the last of these things, and until she tells me differently, I am waiting for her to change her mind. Scratch that, I’m praying for her to change her mind (and if she happens to read this, well, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE).

Sure, in this place and time I’ll manage to find someone else. It’s not impossible, but it sure feels like it. And I’m not about to lie about my heart. It stays broken until a true love comes to fix it.

BAKIT BA GANYAN? (Male Version)
(Marvic Sotto)

Bakit ba ganyan?
Ang ibig ko'y lagi kang pagmasdan
Umula't umaraw ay hindi pagsasawaan
Ang iyong kagandahan.
Damdamin ko'y ibang-iba
Kapag kapiling ka, sinta.

Ewan ko, kung bakit ba ganyan
Damdamin ay di maintindihan . . .
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita'y makilala.

Bakit ba ganyan
Kung minsan ay nauutal sa kaba
Kapag ika'y kausap na?
Ngunit lumalakas ang loob
Kung ikaw ay nakatawa.

Ewan ko kung bakit ba ganyan
Damdamin ay di maintindihan . . .
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita ay makilala (oh)

Ewan ko kung bakit ba ganyan
Damdamin ay di maintindihan . . .
Kailangan ang pag-ibig mo
Dahil sa ako'y nagmamahal sa 'yo
Magmula nang kita ay makilala.

Postscript: This song brings back memories of 1979 and the year Dina Bonnevie first broke out into the Philippine entertainment scene. Sure, she's a mother twice over and all that, but nothing changes that first flush of awareness that females are an altogether interesting subject. Naturally, I can't use her version --- the duet version with Vic Sotto is the definitive one, though in the late '80s Melissa Gibbs, during her peak hottie days, released a version that is widely available on the 'Net. It's not my song for HER, not until there is some sort of affirmation, but the song does leave a positive touch to an otherwise dreary post, don't you think?

Acts in Prose

Haplos ng Panahon - my promo shot, originally uploaded by Spocker.

This should have been datelined much earlier, but I have had only so much time to post an entry just recently.

The pic I posted is the promo shot I did for our production "Haplos ng Panahon" under Entablado Filipino for which I directed the "Sandaling Tagpo" segment and did the lighting. It was not a box-office success --- we struggled with venue issues and by the time we secured one, it was too late to sell too many tickets.

"Haplos ng Panahon" was staged at Al Waha South in Dhahran, within the Saudi Aramco main camp. The production did score well with the audience who were normally used to the melodrama we served up in previous productions. I believed that our audience would respond that way --- but still, there were tense moments all the way.

We did two plays back-to-back for "Haplos ng Panahon" - "Sandaling Tagpo" by Jose Victor Torres and "Sa Huling Gabi ng Palabas" by Rolando dela Cruz. Both were third-place winners for One-Act Play in Filipino at the Palanca Awards. My SPA-TDG colleague and friend Gerry L was the one who pushed for "Sandaling Tagpo": he was so enamored with the script that he translated it into English. He sold me on the idea of the play so many months ago but I had to turn down the English version - it read well, but since the first version was in Taglish already doing the play in straight English, would, I felt, rob the dialogue of some of its nuances.

The play is about a university professor of "retirable" age who comes face-to-face with one of his most gifted students after more than a decade of being apart. He has recently been asked to retire in order to avoid the scandal of a sexual harassment suit. But there's the rub: he hasn't exactly been innocent, even before, and his replacement has more than just a few stories of her own ...I liked the play mostly because it was multi-layered - the lines had so many possible interpretations my own personal take on it would have spelled one direction or the other --- it did help that Gerry was a true student of acting and that he was really into the play, and that the lead actress was a newcomer and thus was tabula rasa --- a clean slate that we could work magic on.

This production is special to me because of the many dramas that came before it was even produced --- the first a small misunderstanding which led to a major flare-up between me and one of my colleagues in SPA-TDG, the second an even deeper problem which threatened the integrity of our organization, of which I wasn't even aware until the so-called aggrieved came forward with their complaints. This whole chain of events was painful to me that it made me doubt whether I have the proper leadership skills to lead our organization.

Eventually, the truth came to light and it was all sorted out --- I still can't get over how gossip could run people and organizations. With our group that is so small this could happen, how badly can things go on a macro level?

I haven't been myself since that issue --- actually it's been sort of a struggle to regain the momentum I lost since before I left for my vacation in June. I haven't posted as I had wanted --- I started a few things about the Erap conviction and subsequent pardon, the Glorietta bombings, and so many other things on the world scene.

Maybe I'm burned out. Maybe I need to stop and reassess where I want my life to go. I'm more than thankful so many people stood by me and gave me the support I needed --- while I wouldn't want to thank my adversaries, I feel they owe some props as well. They certainly made these last few weeks another life-defining milestone.

Or maybe I have looked more inward, somewhat unhealthily, instead of focusing on things at hand and what I could do. The whole premise of "Sandaling Tagpo" was that love is not a fleeting thing, that it defines people, however flawed they may be. Oftentimes we do grow up and find that the people whom we put on pedestals are fallen idols, but time and forgiveness reveal to us that the lens that we examine the world is the one shaped by those people we have grown with --- the very people who scarred us, and at the same time, molded us into what we are today.

Life imitates art imitates life -- we define our acts, and our acts define us. Where one ends and the other begins --- that's a story for another day.