Black Thoughts

I disagree with Mel Brooks' Louis XIV - It's not good to be king. Nope, Simba, I won't wait to find out what it really means to be king.

Being in charge of something important that means a whole lot to many people is very, very daunting. And tiring too. We just finished a very long week putting together the salary increases for one of the sectors of the company - personally, this was work-level hell of a nature I haven't experienced in a very, very long time - though I did put together some all-nighters the last two years (mostly to make up the time that I was slacking, hehe, but still...), this was an enforced activity I never liked much, especially since clerical work is not really my thing. I did score 26th percentile on this on possible job competencies way back in high school, which says much that this line of work is something I don't like doing.

The news of the past few days just went by like blurs - I'm glad Martin Scorsese finally got his props as best director in the Oscars for "The Departed" and just as glad that the film also got tabbed as the best one this year - well, certainly it was more watchable than last year's winner, "Crash," which like its namesake, was a train wreck waiting to happen. "Crash" is a like a UN selection - least possible evil, but "The Departed" beats out a strong set of competition. My personal favorite is "Little Miss Sunshine" but that's because it was the one I saw first. So there.

And oh, I despaired when I read the news that Dwayne Wade dislocated his shoulder in a recent game. There goes the repeat - let's get on the Mavericks bandwagon, people! Well, maybe this is another year for the Pistons and vindication for Mr. Sneering Cheater, Chris Webber. I'm staying tuned.

As for back home, it's the usual bread-and-circuses fare I've come to associate Philippine politics with. There is a disturbing trend -- the line between reality-TV entertainment and real-life events is blurring. It couldn't have come at a worse time than these elections. Funny how people lap up the loss of some people's private lives --- is it that bad, really? It's ironic as well how Filipinos could not correlate how a power such as media or the State can corrupt them totally and deny them even the freedom to think. "Pinoy Big Brother" as entertainment? Shoot, I beg to disagree. Let the yokels yak up to it. Since I'm still largely in charge of my own life, I'm doing something to add spice to my life instead of watching others screw up theirs. And in public to boot.

I've scheduled, and obtained approval, for a vacation during the middle of May. My close friend who shared a foxhole with me while we served under our previous boss asked me if I would get involved in the election. I recall saying, yes, sure, but now? Hmmm.... let me sit on that decision for a few more days, perhaps a week.

I'm in a black mood today. It should clear up in a few days. I'm set myself a commitment to finally write my story idea for a play. Better yet, I should write it up for the screen. But the play first. I'll work myself up to it, and when I get the time to think when I get back home, I should line it up and finish it.

I should say that watching war movies isn't getting to help one any. I watched "Full Metal Jacket" twice in the past two days. Wrong move, but I couldn't help it. R. Lee Ermey's performance as Gunnery Sergeant Hartman was downright inspiring, at times a curious play between caricature and how power can corrupt the smallest of men. The song choices for the soundtrack were also very appropriate --- particularly the end-credits song.

Here's a toast to the Rolling Stones --- a great counterpoint to accompany any depressing mood. There's no way to go from here but up.

PAINT IT BLACK
(Mick Jagger/Keith Richards) (The Rolling Stones)

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love, both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a newborn baby it just happens ev'ryday

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the setting sun
My love will laugh with me before the morning comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

Hmm, hmm, hmm...
I wanna see it painted black, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun, blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!

A worthy postscript, just works for me too:

"My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so happy that I am alive, in one piece. In short, I'm in a world of shit... yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid."
--- Sergeant (formerly Private) Joker, played by Matthew Modine, "Full Metal Jacket"