End of the Day

It's not really, but I feel like it.

The past two weeks have been quite a blur - so much work to be done, preparations for our latest production (see pic), and in general, just catching up with what life is pitching to me. I hope I'm not just swinging at anything. On the other hand, I'd like to think I'm living a more quality life than most (my body would seem to disagree, and it has every right to complain, poor thing).

Mostly it's as if I am looking forward to something I never really celebrate: my birthday.

I'm 34 years old this Thursday.

I have no illusions as to what this event bodes for me; at the same time I'd like to reflect and say to myself that the bright day of my youth is over. I need not stop thinking young, of course. But still.

Of course, looking the other way, what does the prospect of growing old mean to me? Must I have a plan somewhere that would unfold like magic because I willed it to be so?

Hmmm, that's worth thinking about.

As for the rest of my worries and cares: I reckon everything as complete loss for the sake of what is more valuable, the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have thrown everything away : I consider it all as mere garbage, so that I may gain Christ, and be completely united with him. (Philippians 3:8)

An old prayer from high school pops up in my mind:

Father, I abandon myself into your hands, do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you. I am ready for all. I accept all. Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my soul. I offer it to you with all the love of my heart, for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself, to surrender myself into your hands, without reserve, and with boundless confidence --- for you are my Father.

At the end of this day, this is all I ask. And this all I need.