Acts in Prose

Haplos ng Panahon - my promo shot, originally uploaded by Spocker.

This should have been datelined much earlier, but I have had only so much time to post an entry just recently.

The pic I posted is the promo shot I did for our production "Haplos ng Panahon" under Entablado Filipino for which I directed the "Sandaling Tagpo" segment and did the lighting. It was not a box-office success --- we struggled with venue issues and by the time we secured one, it was too late to sell too many tickets.

"Haplos ng Panahon" was staged at Al Waha South in Dhahran, within the Saudi Aramco main camp. The production did score well with the audience who were normally used to the melodrama we served up in previous productions. I believed that our audience would respond that way --- but still, there were tense moments all the way.

We did two plays back-to-back for "Haplos ng Panahon" - "Sandaling Tagpo" by Jose Victor Torres and "Sa Huling Gabi ng Palabas" by Rolando dela Cruz. Both were third-place winners for One-Act Play in Filipino at the Palanca Awards. My SPA-TDG colleague and friend Gerry L was the one who pushed for "Sandaling Tagpo": he was so enamored with the script that he translated it into English. He sold me on the idea of the play so many months ago but I had to turn down the English version - it read well, but since the first version was in Taglish already doing the play in straight English, would, I felt, rob the dialogue of some of its nuances.

The play is about a university professor of "retirable" age who comes face-to-face with one of his most gifted students after more than a decade of being apart. He has recently been asked to retire in order to avoid the scandal of a sexual harassment suit. But there's the rub: he hasn't exactly been innocent, even before, and his replacement has more than just a few stories of her own ...I liked the play mostly because it was multi-layered - the lines had so many possible interpretations my own personal take on it would have spelled one direction or the other --- it did help that Gerry was a true student of acting and that he was really into the play, and that the lead actress was a newcomer and thus was tabula rasa --- a clean slate that we could work magic on.

This production is special to me because of the many dramas that came before it was even produced --- the first a small misunderstanding which led to a major flare-up between me and one of my colleagues in SPA-TDG, the second an even deeper problem which threatened the integrity of our organization, of which I wasn't even aware until the so-called aggrieved came forward with their complaints. This whole chain of events was painful to me that it made me doubt whether I have the proper leadership skills to lead our organization.

Eventually, the truth came to light and it was all sorted out --- I still can't get over how gossip could run people and organizations. With our group that is so small this could happen, how badly can things go on a macro level?

I haven't been myself since that issue --- actually it's been sort of a struggle to regain the momentum I lost since before I left for my vacation in June. I haven't posted as I had wanted --- I started a few things about the Erap conviction and subsequent pardon, the Glorietta bombings, and so many other things on the world scene.

Maybe I'm burned out. Maybe I need to stop and reassess where I want my life to go. I'm more than thankful so many people stood by me and gave me the support I needed --- while I wouldn't want to thank my adversaries, I feel they owe some props as well. They certainly made these last few weeks another life-defining milestone.

Or maybe I have looked more inward, somewhat unhealthily, instead of focusing on things at hand and what I could do. The whole premise of "Sandaling Tagpo" was that love is not a fleeting thing, that it defines people, however flawed they may be. Oftentimes we do grow up and find that the people whom we put on pedestals are fallen idols, but time and forgiveness reveal to us that the lens that we examine the world is the one shaped by those people we have grown with --- the very people who scarred us, and at the same time, molded us into what we are today.

Life imitates art imitates life -- we define our acts, and our acts define us. Where one ends and the other begins --- that's a story for another day.

And the Word Is ... Love

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past, but by the love we're not extending in the present.
--- Marianne Williamson

I'm such a jumble of emotions right now. I wish this could be easier, but it isn't. Have I lost the eloquence for me to say that which my heart contains?

Stay tuned.

Phantasy

THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT
(A. Lloyd Webber/T. Rice/R. Stilgoe)
(The Phantom of the Opera - role originated by Michael Crawford)

Night-time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses
Helpless to resist the notes I write...
For I compose the music of the night

Slowly, gently, Night unfurls its Splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing, music is deceiving
Hard as lightning, soft as candlelight.
Dare you trust the music of the night?

Close your Eyes –
For your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth isn’t what you want to see
In the dark it is easy to pretend
That the truth is what it ought to be.

Softly, deftly, Music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind
In this Darkness which you know you cannot fight,
The Darkness of the Music of the Night!

Close your eyes -
Start a journey through a strange new world
Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before
Close your eyes -
and let music set you free.
Only then can you belong to me

Floating, falling, Sweet Intoxication
Touch me, trust me, savor each Sensation
Let the dream begin, Let your darker side give in
To the Power of the music that I write,
The Power of the Music of the Night!

You alone can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night.

I was a latecomer to the theater. In fact, I was late to performing altogether. Up until my third year in high school, I was hardly interested in theater in any kind. I did like opera as a listening experience, but as far as acting was concerned, I was, like many of my contemporaries believed that acting was for others of a different kind of artistic bent (the nice way to say that I didn't want people to have any ideas that I was gay, which I wasn't, but yes, I was and remain a homophobic a-hole).

Things changed when I discovered that there was a voice inside me waiting to be heard (since I'm into euphemisms and parenthetical thought today, the day I first fell in love) and then I took an active interest in what girls did. It didn't help that I was well-nourished by regular doses of my sisters's Mills & Boon and Sweet Dreams romance novels. Little by little, I wrote sappy poetry (as opposed to the agit quality that was the hallmark of this angst-filled phase), and seriously thought of becoming a writer - as opposed to being a lawyer or scientist, which my parents had hopes for me to go into.

And then came the Phantom of the Opera.

Understand, of course, that my closest friends were geeks of the highest order, and I was the worst of them - I disdained sports, loved books more than cars and video games, had a regular column in the school paper, and was even part of the school band. (I would have played D&D but I found it, uh, limiting, and besides, I was more Asimov than Tolkien). So our group definitely skipped over the genesis of the hiphop/rocker wars, the beginnings of grunge, and of course the local band scene. We were hooked on the drama of the Phantom and Christine, disdained Raoul (as we did most of the pretty boys), and celebrated the freakishness of the Phantom. Being different may leave you scarred, but who wants the usual adulation when one can be a genius?

Phantom was the biggest cultural thing that hit us that year. In between readings of David Eddings' Belgariad series and the Dragonlance novels by Weis and Hickman (Wheel of Time wasn't out yet in paperback, and yes, I am dating myself here), Phantom filled our landscape. In the days pre-cable and pre-Internet we managed to get a libretto and listened avidly on cassette.

I liked "Music of the Night" the best (Billy Crystal mocks this song in a famous scene from "Forget Paris"), though "Think of Me" and "Masquerade/Why So Silent" were close --- though the rest of the material was singable --- the premise of the show was a bit flimsy, but the grandeur of its scale was revealing. It was inspirational to me, at the very least, in the way I appreciated musical theater, and theater in general.

Yup, you could call me gay but at least I was in touch with global culture. Or so I believed at the time. Later that year, our class put out a short play which we rehearsed in less than a week - I'm racking my brain for the title but the story was of a sick man who until his deathbed suspected his wife and best friend of cheating together on him. I won the lead at the last minute as our choice for the role begged off. We didn't have a girl to play the wife's part, so we changed the circumstances to that of a young son.

I couldn't play the living "cadaver" the best way possible as I was portly then as now, but still we managed to get a good review from the moderator of the high school drama club, and he encouraged me to consider honing my skills in acting (I didn't know I had any at the time) . . . I even received an invite to the summer workshop of the Cultural Center of the Philippines care of the school but I gave it up to concentrate on my training as a peer counselor.

I left it at that until I was named as one of the officers of the drama club for the senior year. I didn't do much, though we produced two small plays that year. There were a whole lot of other organizations which took priority, so I allowed myself to drift into the background, even for the two plays the class staged which won prizes. We formed our own independent theater guild before we graduated, but again, other things took precedence.

That didn't mean I stopped performing. As a trainer for the next few years, we did a lot of role-playing and depended on structured experiences where my voice was put to good use. I even invested a lot of my own allowance and some hard-earned money to watch plays everywhere.

All throughout the late eighties and early nineties, we lived through a surge of popularity for West End musicals - Les Miserables, Miss Saigon, Starlight Express, Chess, and even Aspects of Love and Sunset Boulevard. But Phantom remained my favorite. So it was with some disappointment that I found that Michael Crawford was less than a paragon outside of his performance as the Phantom. Yup, he blows big-time singing material other than his songs in the famed musical.

I wasn't too glad with Joel Schumacher's take in the film featuring Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum, but at least the movie got made and I'm sure in time fans would be kinder to it than during its initial release. However it goes, Michael Crawford was the Phantom, for all his faults singing non-Phantom material.

At night, I sometimes have this fantasy that the brilliant singing would take me away and that tortured genius, despite its pain, definitely has its rewards in eternity.

How I wish I would have more moments like that in my life. It doesn't hurt to wish, anyhow.

Mood Music

I am posting this piece sung by Esther Satterfield and featuring jazz legend Chuck Mangione on the flugelhorn. It's an inspiration for one of the plays I'm directing this October.

Saving Lives

I'm sharing this story I first heard sometime in 1991 care of Br. Ceci Hojilla, FSC during one of the SHARE renewals. I didn't know what it meant to me personally until I found myself in a situation where there was a conflict of interest. I found out soon enough.

Journeys was a program of which I was the main contributor and conceptualizer --- it was originally designed as the "signature" retreat program for the seniors of De La Salle Alabang High School. It was a mishmash of of the structured experiences that were not part of the organizations/retreat programs in which I participated. After the school administration turned us down, I decided to offer it to the alumni of the Discovery program, who had been looking for an outlet for their service aspirations after they had graduated from high school.

Those were strange times --- I wasn't exactly the paragon of virtue and hardly the role model for those students. The hard part of it was, I was already active as a member of SHARE and as one of its movers as part of the Core Group. Needless to say, I was caught in between not one, but two rocks and a hard place. I had to give Journeys up, and without me to keep the group animated, even with the best of leaders I had left behind to keep things going, Journeys collapsed.

These days, my own organization - the Society of Performing Arts-Talents Development Guild, is in the exact same situation as this story is outlined. The biggest question that arises now is --- is the ideal we are sticking to the one that is true?

Once there was a land whose coastline stretched for miles. The people depended on fishing and trade. However, the seas around the land were rough sailing, and there were a lot of reefs where ships could run aground.

In the port, a group of enterprising fishermen decided to get together to help one another during emergencies. They guided ships around the coast to steer clear of the reefs in the harbor, and oftentimes they would help one another sell their catch. They eventually formed a Harbor Safety Club with a small clubhouse for meetings. The “clubhouse” was a makeshift shelter along the beach.

During their meetings, the members concluded that what the place needed was a lighthouse to guide the ships and to serve as a beacon to light passengers from sunken or damaged vessels. But the fishermen were poor; they didn’t have enough resources to build one.

One time, during a heavy storm, a luxury liner bearing many dignitaries and famous people onboard ran into one of the reefs and sank. The Harbor Safety Club members conducted a daring rescue mission – putting their own lives at risk in order to save the passengers. In an operation that spanned two days, in heavy rains, they managed to bring every single passenger to safety.

This feat put the Harbor Safety Club members in the news. One of the people they had saved was a multi-millionaire who led a fund drive among his fellow passengers to raise money for the club and the lighthouse. Money poured into the Club’s coffers – not only were they able to build a lighthouse, they were able to buy better life-saving equipment and built a fleet of more modern boats for their rescue operations. They were also able to move out of their beach shack to a real clubhouse.

The money also helped the members go into business and they also personally prospered. Soon they were having parties at the clubhouse. Members were often giving interviews to the media on the value of saving people’s lives.

Things progressed to a point that many of the club members no longer had time to attend to their work of maintaining harbor safety. Some of the members who experienced some luxury did not want to go back to risking their lives. Eventually a point came where the members could not agree on what they wanted to do.

A big meeting was called and several arguments broke out among the members. Some of the members said that they were forgetting their mission of saving lives. “Too many things are happening at once – let’s remember why we have this club in the first place.”

Some other members, particularly those who have been hobnobbing with the rich and famous, begged to disagree. “But look, we have done so much to raise awareness about harbor safety. People are building better boats, and the lighthouse has managed to save many lives.” Still some others could not decide.

Finally, the members who wanted to continue with their mission got fed up and said, “You can keep the fame and glory for yourselves. We’ll go back to saving people.” So they gave up their memberships and built a small shack on the beach right outside the clubhouse. They called themselves Safety First Club.

One time, a typhoon lashed the coastline while the club was having a party. The Harbor Safety club members stayed inside but the Safety First club members, the ones who put up their shack outside, were busy making plans on what to do for the ships caught in the storm. Their diligence paid off --- a government boat capsized and most of its passengers were in the water. The Safety First club members went on a rescue mission and retrieved all of the passengers.

Again, the media made a big event of this rescue. Donations went to the Safety First Club and once more the members of the club equipped themselves with the latest gear and technology. They also built a clubhouse over their old shack. Little by little, their clubhouse grew to a size comparable to the first one.

In time, business and leisure took over the club’s activities and some of the members realized that they were no longer paying attention to life-saving. Again there was a big meeting and once more there were arguments and accusations being thrown about. People left the Safety First Club and built a small shack beside their clubhouse.

But somehow few learned from what happened before. The chain of events happened again and again and again --- people raised money, built bigger clubhouses, enjoyed prosperity in business. Over the years, clubs came and went.

Nowadays you can see the whole beachfront lined with expensive clubhouses.

Meanwhile, nobody was out there rescuing people and saving lives.

Hmmm... So What's New?

Orangutan prefers blondes Oddly Enough Reuters.com

Me too. Especially if they have big breasts.

I mean blonde women, you naughty you!

Half-Full

Eyes on The Rose

Another View

I am now 35 years old. On a reference I picked up from Dante's "Inferno" (and then based on the life of King David of Israel). I am exactly at the halfway point of my life.

I celebrated my birthday on the 5th with little fanfare. I finally bought myself a laptop PC as I had needed to use one - I sent my TV set and DVD player back home and I had been using the office laptop for my own personal entertainment - which to my mind is not exactly kosher (but yes, I did it anyway). We had dinner at a midscale restaurant (if I am to use price as an indicator) and then off we went to the store (s).

My personal choice was to have gotten a MacBook - I am partial to Apple for the built-in features and the fact that its OS is not Windows Vista - which seems to come with every unit these days. I'm not a big fan of Vista (And yes, yes I am using it right now, so sue me).

However, prices were not exactly friendly to the wallet, and so I ended up looking for value-added units instead of a killer machine. This is the unit I ended up buying, and using right now for this post.

I used to think at 35 I'd be really set in my life and then I will be starting my progress to be an old man. Well, the part about being set is far from being accomplished, and then there's the part about being old.

My body is betraying me, as I am not exactly in the best of health. I am walking with a slight gimp as my left knee needs some therapy in order to get back to full strength. My ankles often fill up with fluid, most likely uric acid, and if the fluid starts building up in the heels it would be almost impossible for me to walk.

But here's the thing - I don't really feel old. I feel young as ever - maybe because at this stage of my life everything is starting to feel new again - going from a dead-end place where my life was back in the Philippines, I am reborn into this new place.

Hmmm... it doesn't really have to sound metaphysical. I just find this experience in Saudi Arabia a different kind of channel for my personal growth - of course this isn't exactly the place to start spreading your wings and start flying - but instead you'd open your eyes and try to see where you're going before you jump off that cliff and start flapping like crazy.

The point being, the only restriction I find in this place is the one that one builds for oneself. It's only the prison of the mind that keeps us a thrall to limitation.

I guess the glass is half -empty from one point of view, but from where I'm standing it's half full.

It's not perfect, and I know it would never be, but everything is just turning out fine. I'm raring to find out what the next 35 years would be like (I do hope I live that long of course).

Country Road In Autumn

Country Road In Autumn, originally uploaded by jeffuwo.

Bravo!

Buy a Laptop for a Child, Get Another Laptop Free - New York Times (registration required)

Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
---Demosthenes

Fall of the Dragon

Robert Jordan's blog

Give me your trust said the Aes Sedai
On my shoulders I support the sky
Trust me to know and to do what is best
And I will take care of the rest

But trust is the color of a dark seed growing
Trust is the color of a heart´s blood flowing
Trust is the color of a soul´s last breath
Trust is the color of death...

Give me your trust said the queen high on her throne
For I must bear the burden all alone
Trust me to lead, and to judge, and to rule
And no man will think you a fool

But trust is the sound of a gravedog's bark
Trust is the sound of betrayal in the dark
Trust is the sound of a soul´s last breath
Trust is the sound of death...

Robert Jordan passed away Sunday, September 16, 2007 from complications arising from cardiac amyloidosis. I had prayed earnestly that he would hurry up his writing and, like, Stephen King, dodge the call of the Grim Reaper before he finished his magnum opus, in Jordan's case the Wheel of Time series. For Stephen King, he got a two-minute warning after his accident in 1999, and maybe he would have died before he finished the saga of Roland Deschain and the Dark Tower. But survive he did, and at least the fans were appeased.

For all its twists and turns, and essentially poor pacing from the seventh book (A Crown of Swords) to the eleventh (Knife of Dreams) the first six books of the Wheel of Time stand out as classics of high fantasy. I liked Terry Brooks, David Eddings, and Katherine Kurtz, and of course the maestro Tolkien himself, but Jordan rolled all of them up and put them together in his work.

I trust that his estate would commission a good writer to finish the last book --- he did pass on most of the plot developments to his wife and family before he died. Tor Books would have had to invent a new binding system to reportedly accommodate that monster of the last book.

Perhaps it's only apropos that he died before he finished the book - Stephen King seemed to be so conscious of his mortality that he had major plot holes in the last book of the Dark Tower. I would have been the first to scream "Blood and bloody ashes!" should that happen to Jordan's legacy. Now, his memory lives on and we are left to wonder what would have been.

Rest in peace, RJ.

Willing Exile: Waiting on Robert Jordan

Epiphanous

"I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I've met."
--- Dwight L. Moody, evangelist and publisher

Oh yeah, oh yeah, how true.

Face in the Mirror

Hijacked Jets Destroy Twin Towers and Hit Pentagon

In memory of this day, a song for change from Wacko Jacko during one of the most productive phases of his career. I actually prefer the Tuck & Patti instrumental version (Tuck Andress with an amazingly lyrical guitar performance), but Jackson's words ring true.

People may hate on the idea, but I honestly believe America had it coming after successive administrations have failed to heed the lessons of history. The attacks of 9/11 are a horrible crime against the whole of the spirit of humanity, but they happened because despite the good intentions of the American majority, their leaders have lost a great sense of proportion when dealing with the countries of the Middle East. Now, I'm not about to split hairs on blame - better people than me with a whole lot more personal experience have argued on this issue more cogently than I can ever hope to.

Suffice to say that there will never be room for understanding when people get stuck with the "us against them" and the "who is not with us is against us" thinking.

My own life lesson here is that so many people act so differently from what I expect. Their faults loom less than what I could do to change ME.

MAN IN THE MIRROR (Michael Jackson)

I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life
It's gonna feel real good,
Gonna make a diference
Gonna make it right...

As I, turn up the collar on
My favorite winter coat
This wind is blowing my mind
I see the kids in the streets,
With not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind?
Pretending not to see their needs

A summer disregard,
A broken bottle top
And a one-man soul
They follow each other on the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself, and then make a change)
(Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah)

I've been a victim of a selfish kind of love
It's time that I realize
That there are some with no home, not a nickel to loan
Could it be really me,
Pretending that they're not alone?

A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart
And a washed-out dream
(Washed-out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya' see
'Cause they got no place to be
That's why I'm starting with me
(Starting with me!)

I'm starting with the man in the mirror (Ooh!)
I'm asking him to change his ways (Ooh!)
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself, and then make a change)

I'm starting with the man in the mirror (Ooh!)
I'm asking him to change his ways
(Change his ways - ooh!)
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make that..
(Take a look at yourself and then make that..)
CHANGE!

I'm starting with the man in the mirror,
(Man in the mirror-Oh yeah!)
I'm asking him to change his ways
(Better change!)
No message could have been any clearer
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
(Take a look at yourself and then make the change)
(You gotta get it right, while you got the time)
('Cause when you close your heart)
You can't close your... your mind!
(Then you close your... mind!)
That man, that man, that man, that man
With that man in the mirror
(Man in the mirror, oh yeah!)
That man, that man, that man
I'm asking him to change his ways
(Better change!)
You know... That man
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
(If you wanna make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
(Take a look at yourself and then make a change)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah
(Oh yeah!)
Gonna feel real good now!
Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah!
Na na na, na na na, na na, na nah
(Ooooh...)
Oh no, no no...
I'm gonna make a change
It's gonna feel real good!
Come on!
(Change...)
Just lift yourself
You know
You've got to stop it. Yourself!
(Yeah!-Make that change!)
I've got to make that change, today!
Hoo!
(Man in the mirror)
You got to
You got to not let yourself...
Brother...
Hoo!
(Yeah!-Make that change!)
You know-I've got to get that man, that man...
(Man in the mirror)
You've got to
You've got to move! Come on! Come on!
You got to...
Stand up! Stand up! Stand up!
(Yeah-Make That Change)
Stand up and lift yourself, now!
(Man in the mirror)
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
Aaow!
(Yeah-Make that change)
Gonna make that change... come on!
(Man in the mirror)
You know it!
You know it!
You know it!
You know...
(Change...)
Make that change…

After

SUNSET III, originally uploaded by M2 DIGITAL.

SARIWANG HANGIN
(Joey Ayala)

sariwang hangin umihip ka
dahon ng puno’y dalhin mo na
sa kaibigang wala rito
naroon, naroon sa malayo

sariwang hangin umihip ka
ipaalala mo sa kanya
may punong-kahoy na naghihintay
sa dulo ng paglalakbay

at sa ilalim ng puno
may nag-iisang nakaupo
sariwang hangin naglalaro
sa mga dahon nitong puso

at sa sanga sa tugatok
kay raming bunga nangaalok
sariwang hangin pitasin mo
ang mga bunga nitong puso

sariwang hangin umihip ka
bunga ng puso’y dalhin mo na
sa kaibigang sinisinta
hinihintay, hinihintay kita

The production has ended and the stage is dark --- the beams stand alone until another production sheds light on them.

The hall is still alight and people are still clapping themselves on the shoulder, some are smiling. The young boys have started strumming on the guitars while their parents hovered back and forth with their little errands.

Some of the adults are wiping their hands across the brow. This one is officially over.

On the steps to the main entrance of the school classrooms, the three of the four girls who were seniors in high school were crying.

Their sobs rose above the din as their fellow workshoppers celebrated while others were all itching for a ride home. It was that kind of day. It was that kind of night.

I know triumph was among us that day, but somehow the sheen of it was missing. Rather like a glorious sunset --- it's a sight to behold, but it won't ever, ever come back.

The reminder, and the solace, I can give is that somewhere in this world the wind blows us a kiss for all the love we have in our lives. So the Beatles say: "In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."

Time will never stand still, but this beautiful memory will remain forever.

Kneeling at Starlight

Uncomfortable memories - INQUIRER.net

I just had to post this. Wonderful commentary on the state of the Philippines by a non-Filipino ...
There are depths of faith required to commit to the building of a new Philippines. For the longest time, I thought that the faith would be enough.

But it isn't. There are just too many Juans and Marias, myself included, looking out for number one to make it happen. There are so many "opportunities" to make things better, but at the same time, we should be looking beyond earning (and spending) the next paycheck.

There are also the petty jealousies, unkindnesses, the venalities that somehow get blown out of proportion. God knows I've done my own share of these things, and sometimes, even when I express my own share of contrition some people just don't get it.

Of course there is still hope and forgiveness. And then, there is also despair. Is it me, or is it them?

It reminds me of this poem my editor in our high school Filipino magazine wrote. He is kneeling by starlight, making his wishes among the stars. For the myriad stars in the firmament, he has hopes and dreams. Kneeling by starlight, he hopes for things that he knows will hardly come true. Yet, he knows, he will keep on coming back, letting his hopes gather like so many reflections of starlight that pass through his fingers ...

I also read this week Pope Benedict's comments on Mother Teresa's despair on the silence of God. Now this woman has gone through both personal and collective tribulations (with her flock) in the course of her life, and my woes compared to hers are a mere teardrop in the depths of the ocean.

Maybe I'll stop being a petty person or maybe I won't (or maybe I'm giving myself too much blame, whatever) - it's in my hands to do as I must, for good or for ill, but these uncomfortable thoughts, these disturbing memories should keep on driving me to do better.

If such things like our personal dramas are beyond our repair, what good then will come to our native land?

Spreading A Little Happiness

Spreading A Little Happiness, originally uploaded by Spocker.

If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom.
- Audra Foveo

Oh for flowers in bloom here in this desert summer!
Life's mystery keeps on unfolding
And our moods ebb and flow with the season
For a flower to awaken our happiness from slumber
Is our great solace from the womb of mourning.

Oh for flowers that bring memories of sweet kisses!
We may never go back to those times at all
And they only exist in corridors of the mind
For a flower to make whole all those broken pieces
Is courage's miracle that is never too small.

"Magkabilang Mukha" Poster

"Magkabilang Mukha" Poster, originally uploaded by Spocker.

Next weekend (our weekend of Thursday and Friday) we will be doing "Magkabilang Mukha ng Hustisya" at the International Philippine School in Al-Khobar.

While it is true I am less pumped up about this play than I should be, I am no less proud about the effort put in by the creative team, particularly the young workshoppers who have remained committed to the project since late in March this year.

Kudos in advance!

It's Not the Ball and Chain, But Still ...

2007 SPA-TDG Officers's Oath-Taking, originally uploaded by Spocker.

So here's the picture of me taking my oath as President of our organization as captured in this post. I wanted to laugh out loud but there was a little whispering voice that said, "It's the ball and chain, matey!"

No, it isn't. But still...

Deathbed Friday Five

I picked this out, from the Friday Five website, which I haven't visited in a while.

I'm posting using the August 24, 2007 set:

Imagine you are on your deathbed.

Recommend to those who remain in your life...

1) One book to read.

The Godfather by Mario Puzo. The rest of my favorites are in series, so it's hard to qualify as "one." A cool read, and at times, could even be as philosophical - as per this quote.

2) One movie to watch.

"Alyas Batman at Robin" featuring Joey de Leon, Keempee de Leon, Rene Requiestas, Dawn Zulueta, and Panchito. No matter how low you go, there is only one place to go: up. And if you love campy movies that really make no sense, it will make your day.

3) One food to eat.

All of it! But seriously, if I'll pick one, I'll pick sinigang na baboy (pork) sa santol. Then back it up with oyster stew.

4) One place to go.

Can't say for sure because I haven't seen all that I wanted to see. But for now, it's Bali, Indonesia.

5) One life lesson to leave behind.

"Whatever is worth doing, is worth doing well."

Sweltering Sentiments

Last night the induction ceremony for our officers finally pushed through after some amount of delay (i.e. the school break for Filipinos, my prolonged vacation right after that). I would be the fourth President of our volunteer organization, and the first to be working on a two-year tenure. Whoo-wee, whoppee-do-do, there's another sight for you: me riding the boss chair! Oh, please don't misunderstand, I don't mean to say I don't like it, but looking at me in the boss chair does look rather funny. I pulled out the old barong we had commissioned when my sister got married last year, and I was rather glad I had reached peak dimensions last year because my current weight status is just as bad, only I'm less healthy now.

It was one sweltering afternoon --- and the "feel good" quotient of the event, at least, helped perk up the mood of many of my fellow Core Group members.

Being in SPA-TDG, until this time, remains one of the biggest privileges in my life. The first question that came to me after I was elected was “How can I continue to inspire the people who until now continue to inspire me? “What can I say that they haven’t heard before?”

I thought about what makes us special, and let me tell you: it is our being ordinary, our being common OFWs that make us all the more extraordinary. We are certainly not geniuses in the sense that Mozart was a genius, Einstein is a genius, Bill Gates is considered a genius.

That we are ordinary makes us capable of valuing the inner genius that is within all our children. I was just speaking with Jun Urbano, our Voice Clinic facilitator recently and he told me about how proud he is of the progress made by some of his students. One student (whom I will not name) was literally crying because she had lost the confidence that she would make any progress as a singer.

Then Jun made a deal with her and her mom that if she didn’t improve after a few weeks, they would call off the lessons. And after those few weeks, she was able to get over her fears and with Jun’s guidance, was able to express herself fully through singing.

The lesson that I have learned is that we can always do something to make ourselves better. We should never let our age, nor our habits, stand in the way of being learners.

Looking back and looking forward, I would like to challenge each one of my fellows to define, and then live out, their personal vision for SPA-TDG. Not only to show up, because I would like to see more of them more often, but to make it worthwhile. During activities, I try to listen. I try to laugh. I try to see through differing points of view. I hope, and I would like to believe, that I work hard on being a good friend to everyone. For in the end, our work here – in terms of how many productions we have completed, how many students graduate, are just numbers.

What’s important --- what really counts, is what each of us carries away from what we are doing. I pray that all of us will treasure what our friendship has built over the past three or so years we have been together. This group started out as a group of parents who had a common vision. In time, we had become friends, and though there have been many instances where these friendships have been tested through our work, we are still here.

Of course, I never stop thinking about the children. It was these children, and still are these children, that provide the impetus for us to keep doing what we have been doing. Almost all of our members had to struggle through life to fight for each inch of enjoyment we enjoy now. While we live our personal dreams here and now, I'm looking toward making the future of the kids better --- if only for the OPPORTUNITIES they enjoy now that we never had.

I still have loads of people to thank, but I think I should do more and say less. They have paved the way, all I have to do is to keep on going and along the way, just screw up as few times as possible.

* * * * *

Inviting the OFW Storm

There has been a lot of comment about this issue about Malu Fernandez deriding OFWs, some informed, some just outright mean, some outrageously funny. I picked out a random post which presents a more or less balanced view.

I have had some time to digest many of the posts in the blogsphere and what many people miss is that it wasn’t the writer’s fault her personal opinions on the issue, or even her own defense, were printed. It was the fault of her editors. I don’t know the branding of the People Asia magazine (as I’m not into glossy magazines – except for the obvious one like FHM, natch), but for Ms. Fernandez’s magazine editors to allow this potentially sensitive issue to blow up in their faces is downright irresponsible journalism. For the Manila Standard to have a brain fart over Ms. Fernandez is just as egregiously stupid. Ah, but that’s Filipino journalism for you, congratulations.

On my part, I found the original article cloying, pretentious, and vapid. It offered nothing instructive for the random traveler. It was more of a travelogue of another social-climbing dilettante – is that all that’s fit to print nowadays? Or are Ms. Fernandez’s friends so well-heeled they could support circulation of obscure magazines?

Really now - so what the f*ck do I care about your travel habits? It would have paid if you had something to tell about the Parthenon or your insights into Greek people, which I’m sure you would have botched hideously just as you have managed to deride your own kabayans. While we Filipinos find some solace in self-deprecation, there are limits to pushing our collective psychological buttons. And her defense was --- well, in the first article she dug her own grave; after she finished writing the second, we were ready to bury her alive in it. Her most recent statement (read this to find out) was, finally, the proper response. Too bad she could have saved herself the public savaging she received for being insouciant, even defiant.

Ms. Fernandez is right about one thing though – traveling with kabayans anywhere is an exercise in frustration. But this is true about Filipinos everywhere --- too much of us in one place at one time can be downright annoying. That’s one of the reasons for traveling --- to soak up your anonymity and to celebrate your uniqueness. No one needs to be reminded about why you left the Philippines in the first place.

However, in her efforts to be flippant or clever (I don’t know which) she just managed to turn her travelogue into a display of her arrant shallowness and worse, bigotry. Sure, she may be great for a few laughs around her so-called well-heeled friends. She can keep them, and they her . As for the conditions in economy class, I would have taken her words and twist them around for her --- if it’s that hard for you to take, you should have gone in First or better yet, don’t even bother going.

A side note to this whole affair was this reality check in the bus this morning (a bit hilarious and insensitive in some way but should drive home the point). If Ms. Fernandez was only aware of the many sacrifices OFWs undergo to sustain the economic conditions that support the lifestyle she and her cronies enjoy, she wouldn’t have written her snide comments at all. At least Axe and Charlie, while repulsive to her pretentious “patrician” nose, are infinitely better than the smells associated with other nationals. So I don’t want to be racist here, but South Asians have hygiene and culinary habits so different from those of the Filipinos they might as well live on another planet.

In short, mababantot sila. As in, uh, well, napaka. Our favorite busmate is nicknamed “Masala Boy” but since we wanted to remain speaking in code, we referred to him as “The Sarciado Kid.” I have nothing against chicken masala (a practical recipe, and to be fair, here’s one for sarciado as well), I sometimes binge on this kind of food (when my health allows me), but here’s the thing: I don’t want its smell on a person as the first thing to greet me on my workday. The man’s aroma filled our van from anywhere he sat. And that’s saying something, since we had another fellow passenger who was our previous favorite when referring to unpleasant smells.

Today, our normal seating arrangements changed because one of our Pinoy colleagues missed work, so I was all alone in the fourth row, with two places available beside me. We were about to pick up another Pinoy (who normally sat beside me) but apparently his alarm clock didn’t work (or most likely, he was just too darned lazy to get up), so we left him behind. Sarciado Kid was our next pick-up so it was guaranteed he would sit beside me as the other three rows had only one place vacant and there were others yet to look for seats.

Oh no, tatabi siya sa akin! Huwag po tiyong, huwag po! Ayan na, ayan na . . . AYYYAAANNNN NAAAA!!!! Umupo na po … how do I handle this correctly? Let me see, a-ha, kanta ba o tulog? Mmm… matutulog! Matutulog na lang ako! So I pretended to be half-asleep, as most of us were, though normally I like having conversations on the morning drive. Please take note that I have been to garbage dumps, have cleaned poop of adults and kids (as well as those of pets) have been around decaying corpses (a story for another day), and the like. This is just to qualify my saying that the sleep mode to ignore the inevitable wasn’t enough to do the job.

Nanunuot ang amoy niya, ang grabe! Kapit siguro hanggang kuko! NOOOOO!!!!! I was just glad I was on the end of our van where the air conditioning was stronger. The direct blast of air from the vent offered that enough amount of relief. Otherwise I don’t think I would have survived. I started out by feigning sleep --- just to make it through I actually managed to fall asleep. Hmm... or maybe the man managed to knock me out. One thing I could say as the last guy to step off the bus this morning was: Ang galing mo men!

So see, let’s be glad that fellow Pinoys try their darndest best to smell better than they normally do --- at least, as a people we have that concern over how our “public smell” affects others. And yes, at times being around our own people becomes a tedious chore in itself, but it’s just like doing the laundry to get fresh clothes --- there may be some unpleasantness in the act itself, but the end result almost always provides the most intense satisfaction (note: I have gotten addicted to the fabric softener smell - Downy is the best, in my opinion. So if a girl wants to attract me, well, you know. So now there's an idea for you.)

Sports Stops, or What Comes to an Empty Mind

I love talking about sports, but I hardly chime in with my own personal opinion on this space. Maybe it's because there's a lot of trash and speculation out there, and what's more, one is likely to get his eyes gouged out over a sports opinion than over one's politics.

If you don't believe this, try any random football (and for you Americans, it's soccer) match and spout vitriol in your section when the home fans are celebrating a goal.

So now the Celts, one of my favorite all-time sports franchises (though they really s*cked the past few years), added Kevin Garnett, did a 180 on the youth movement and have a totally gutted roster. Oh yeah, they added Eddie House, a career 41% shooter with a shoot-first-ask-questions-later game, and Scot Pollard, a center who averaged less than 5 minutes per game last season, and whose claim to fame was screaming "Hey kids, do drugs!" on national TV. NIIIICCCEEE. And please, don't tarnish Reggie Miller's legacy by bringing him out of retirement.

I'm intrigued, of course, and while I feel good about the C's it's still a toss-up if any of their new power trio falls to injury.

Shaq gets Penny back, even for what is essentially a try-out until January, the Cavs have done squat, and Kobe is still steaming for major help. Eddie Jones joins the Mavs and Chris Webber is contemplating on joining him. The Warriors have given Richardson away for an unproven draft pick, and two black holes with no D (Randolph and Curry) are paired in New York.

Lots of talk on these stories --- I'm looking forward to the season.

BTW, referees do fix games, so this whole Refgate in the NBA is just par for the course. Yes, it cheapens the game, but one can never divorce gambling from sports. He was just too stupid, or too greedy, or both, to get caught.

So the Philippines ends up with a 9th-place consolation at the FIBA Asia Tournament. Time to face reality, folks. We do have good individual players, but with the way the team is constructed, we don't have enough juice to beat better-prepared foes.

Recruiting should start at the high school ranks (junior and senior year), and training should start from then. We should also dispense with the PBL as a junior league for college kids and instead subject the whole collegiate level to deeper competition and higher stakes. Make the whole thing national. With national exposure and TV coverage, it would make sense for a young player to stick with his regional school rather than go to Manila for a crack at the big time. Sure, it may weaken the big school programs, but anyhow, I don't believe for one second that the UAAP and NCAA leagues are amateur at this point - athletes are just recruited like hired guns to puff up the pride of the alumni.

Let the PBL be a junior league for the PBA discards and retreads, and --- if they can pull it off --- it should serve for a regional recruiting base for talent not scooped up by the schools. Start with 24 signees from the amateur/college ranks and about 12 players from the pro ranks. The pros should be released by their clubs and should play full-time for the program. The "A" squad plays in the PBA while the "B" development team plays in the PBL, and occasionally, against the college teams. The "C" squad (the youngest) plays full-time against university-level teams to hone their skills. International exposure is a must. Teams sent to international play are interchangeable, and only the best combination should be sent to tournaments that have significance for Olympic or World Championship competitions.

Commitment for the young players is for four years while the pros are for two years. The pros need a shorter time frame so they can still work on their careers. The young ones should receive some academic instruction as well, mainly to prepare them how to spend money, manage themselves in front of the media, and most of all, to give them the mental capacity to appreciate the nuances of the game. Sorry, the skillz are not enough to get you over the hump. One can have all the talent, but without focus it means nothing. The student-players get credits in general studies, and in the event one gets cut from the team, he will certainly have a flock of suitors for his services. He can then play out the rest of his college-eligible years.

The TV ratings would work incredibly well --- international teams can come over for exhibition matches, and maybe the Philippines can host an international-level tournament in between PBA conferences. Plus, all the sponsors can come out in full force for the team.

But this is all-so-simple, which is why the head honchos never latch on to it.

Meantime, today is the anniversary of SHARE, so happy anniversary guys!

Speaking of some sports stories --- during the Renascence period of SHARE (1992-95) we had some pick-up games with the graduating peer counselors of LSGH and got our asses kicked. Chuck Encarnacion had an unconventional jumpshot, but that dude was unconscious from 12 to 15 feet. Mon Barredo had some skills but his ballhogging doomed us as he got into a shooting contest. Jacky Plana led the PCs and killed us in the paint - it would have been great to imagine had Jacky gotten two or three inches taller, he would have had enough elevation and handle to dunk... It was sort of funny to remember my trying to elbow my way in there, though the younger guys were a bit unsettled that I had some vet moves in boxing them out for rebounds or going for loose balls.

Then there was this game in La Salle Lipa ... Gerard and Feds were matched up against Robert and me in some friendly competition. The game was getting more intense when I dove for a loose ball and went out of bounds of the concrete court. The ground was wet, and the grass even made it more slippery. I slipped all the way on my bottom and jammed my left knee underneath a concrete bench. For my valiant effort, I received a gash across the knee, not to mention scrapes everywhere.

The cut looked worse than it felt, but I think I managed to bleed all the way while the guys semi-dragged me to the College clinic. My friends ribbed me all the way, and even the nurse couldn't decide whether to be angry or to break out in laughter.

Looking back, it set the tone for a really bad weekend, at least for me (one of those really bad weekends - I manage to remember them because I had so few). Oh, well. I talk a bigger game than play it, anyway.

Music trip: I'm into some classic rock right now, and stumbled across some old hits from the Rolling Stones. It's totally inappropriate, but the tune is catchy, and while the overt message may seem wrong, it is spot-on on the inner motivations of people and manages to reach a scathing commentary on modern society.

I remember Jay Pascual popping in his "Interview with the Vampire" CD (a good selection among the rest in his ginormous collection --- even back in the day when cassettes were still holding off their coming obsolescence) with the cover version of this song by Guns 'N Roses. He let it rip during one of those rare times we were together for a speed trip. It did seem that he was channeling his inner Brad Pitt during the drive.

At least we didn't NEARLY fall off a highway construction like we did during the time Jay, Des, and I did a trial of the partially completed C-5 highway. We sped on one of the incomplete northbound interchanges (instead of taking the safe service route, naturally) and were surprised to see a mountain of earth instead of clear road. Jay braked hard and we spun oh, I don't know, maybe 540 degrees.

The adrenaline rush was exciting, but I would exchange that for living, because the fall would have ended our lives right there and then.

Maybe we would have, and perhaps I'd be blogging from some place down south, if you get my meaning.

Back to the song ... the original is a lot cooler, and though Axl Rose in his prime could pull off more vocal acrobatics than Mick Jagger, and Slash could let 'em rip like Keith Richards, the G 'N R boys could not have matched the coolness of their seniors. Well, after all, after 45 years, the Stones are still rocking (and they are not).

SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL
(M. Jagger/K. Richards) (The Rolling Stones)

Please allow me to introduce myself -
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith
And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain
I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
"Who killed the Kennedys?"
When after all
It was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached Bombay

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me - have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down

Woo, hooh - Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!
Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me honey, can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what's my name
I tell you one time, you're to blame

Ooo, hooh
Ooo, hooh
What's my name
Tell me, baby, what's my name
Tell me, sweetie, what's my name?
Ooo, hooh
Ooo, hooh
Oh, yeah

Rescued from the Trunk...

I just had to post this, for old times' sake. Back in the day, doing lectures for the SHARE guys was an exercise in pompousness - I can't believe I originated most of the statements here. But then again, we did take the process seriously, or at least that was our verbalized intention. Those were the days I was the resident factotum of the organization - doing the write-ups, etc. etc. so stating the obvious was just par for the course.

(Small voice: You had no life then, Chief. Um, oh yeah, you still have no life now.)

And yes, of course, I miss SHARE. It's celebrating it's 25th anniversary on the 15th.

Glad to have been part of it. Still hope it was around...

And on to the lecture:

GUIDELINES FOR INTERVIEWERS

A. Interviewing Purpose

The purpose of any interview is to get as much information as possible from the subject in relation to one's need. This is why there are job interviews, news interviews for coverage and for features, interviews for surveys. The bottom line of each interview, then, is information. No matter what kind of impression the interviewer may have of the applicant, if there is no supporting information, then the interview is insufficient.

B. Interviewing Personnel

The personnel involved in interviews really depends on the balance of people who need to draw the information from the subject, the nature of the decision to be made on the matter, and the actual number of people available for, and capable of, administering the interview.

In SHARE, the normal procedure is to have three people per applicant. This makes sure that there are several views available of the interviewee and at the same time, there will be no deadlocks should the interviewers disagree. This also removes the need for another interview and deliberation follows after the interview. However, in the absence of people available to interview, the two-member approach is preferred. Interviews done by one person are subject to debate, no matter how the rest of the organization trusts the judgment of the said interviewer.

C. Preparations Prior to the Interview

The interviewers must understand the kind of standard to be used in the interviews. In this manner the interviewers may place additional emphasis on particular matters, such as communication skills, time, etc. This would also affect the duration of each interview.

The panel must also have a set-up as to who will be in charge of the interview and be responsible for keeping it organized. The rest of the panel will be there to support the main interviewer's goals. The interviewers must also agree on their roles, i.e., who will draw out, who will throw the main question, etc.

It will also be helpful that prior to the interview, the interviewers would have already reviewed the applicant's application form. This will be vital in drawing up the interview approach and will also give the panel ideas on what questions to ask.

The panel must also be prepared to take down notes. This will assist other SHARE members during deliberation in evaluating the participant. These notes will also serve as reminders to the interviewers of their impressions of the applicant. Each interviewer must take note of his/her impressions immediately, even if they don't come out as organized as one would like it to be. While the panel may assign someone to be secretary, each interviewer must still take down notes.

C. Interview Approach

When interviewing an applicant for SHARE, there are no axioms or fixed formulas involved in the procedure. The interview may choose any approach; i.e. being poker-faced and strict, being friendly and accommodating, being terse and distant, etc. Take note, however, that one's approach constitutes about 50% of the effectiveness of the interview. The applicant must appreciate the importance of being at one's best during the interview, and at the same time, be as open and sincere as possible. It is the main interviewer's responsibility to create this kind of atmosphere. He/she must discuss this with the rest of the interviewing panel.

D. Interview Format

The interview may be divided into two parts. The first is information gathering, where the entirety of the applicant's pertinent information is reviewed. The application form's format is already covers a lot of the information needed for the interview. All the panel has to do is explore such information. This will then lead to validation, which covers going in-depth into the answers of the applicant. The interviewer is advised to exercise his/her critical thinking/analysis of the answers and how they relate to one another and to the whole of the impression that the applicant is making. One may be wrong, which is why it is important to write down both what the applicant is saying and what is one's impression of the applicant. These are two different things. While the deliberating panel will respect the interviewers' impressions, being there on the scene, there must be proof of these impressions.

E. Some Guides for Deliberation

These are some of the guides/important things to take note of:

1. Interest

1.1. The applicant must have interest in the organization, either through this application or through previous associations with other organizations. The primary related fields the interviewer should look through are the following :
1.1.1. facilitating in seminars
1.1.2. counseling/self-help
1.1.3. teaching/tutoring
1.1.4. outreach/community development
1.1.5. religious groups

1.2. Involvement in performing (singing, acting, etc.) groups is also positive, but is not a primary consideration. We must see the participant in the short-term, because a long-term involvement is not dictated by any forces but that of the individual's interest.

1.3. An applicant with no experience whatsoever but has the sufficient interest and willingness to invest in S.H.A.R.E. is also very welcome. In fact, these applicants are more welcome than those who have prior experience and were referred to us but don't really have the necessary interest in the organization.

2. Time

2.1. Gets there on time for the interview. This is a good starting point to see how the participant is taking the interview seriously. At least he/she has managed the time well enough to be there for something important.

2.2. Has time to devote to the organization. The ideal would follow this situation: is not a major officer in another organization, no pressing academic or professional requirements, no major commitment to be with the family on weekends, no major relationships/commitments. The ideal of course has exceptions; the balance must weigh out in favor of participation in S.H.A.R.E. While we must respect an individual's credentials with other organizations, it is with S.H.A.R.E. that we should see these credentials validated. A non-participating skilled member will be negative in the short-term and may not mature in the long-term.

2.3. Knows how to manage time well. This is where we see how the individual manages his/her time among all the many commitments he/she may have. What is a good measure? See how much the individual gets time off to attend to hobbies and other pursuits. If the applicant is interested enough, S.H.A.R.E. can squeeze into this free time.

3. Willingness to be trained. The applicant must have the willingness to have another point of view presented to him/her. This especially applies to those who have received training in our kind of work (i.e. from the LSGH Peer Counseling Organization) or have a different frame of reference that we have (those who come mainly from non-Lasallian schools). The applicant must have the kind of openness to the training method, meaning he/she can maintain attentiveness throughout a set of lectures, and also be willing to undergo structured experiences.

4. Communication skills. The applicant must have the capacity for self-expression.

4.1. He/she must be capable of verbalizing his/her ideas and feelings; if necessary, to carry on and gets his or her message across. Fluency in English is a plus, but not a prerequisite, since we also conduct our activities in Filipino. Fluency in both languages is ideal. Academic excellence is not an automatic precursor of verbal skills.

4.2. The applicant must also know how to listen. Though listening skills will be part of our training program, the applicant must also evince these skills. At least we wouldn't have the problem of maintaining the applicant's attention during the training. Listening skills also enhance the applicant's ability as a facilitator and most especially as a counselor.

4.3. Third, it would also be advantageous for the applicant (and for S.H.A.R.E.) to have writing skills. This is an asset since we need creative minds in developing our programs. Other artistic skills are also a plus.

5. Stability in personal and family relationships. The applicant must have a considerable amount of stability; meaning he or she must enjoy healthy heterosexual relationships, and have a stable circle of friends.

5.1. Though the presence of a fixed peer group (barkada) is not necessary, it can help in the applicant's emotional maturity. This, however, may result in a set of conflicts/freedom of identity once the applicant becomes a member. The interviewing panel must be wary of this.

5.2. In family relationships, the applicant must have a healthy relationship with parents and brothers/sisters, because this helps in forming a well-adjusted and integrated personality.

6. Work ethics and etiquette

6.1. Humility. Can work with others, is a team player, knows how to live up to a certain role.
6.2. Professionalism. Can differentiate personal and work issues; adheres to conventions agreed upon; can accept constructive feedback and criticism.
6.3. Service values. Is willing to give of one's time and ability for no reward of personal popularity or material gain. S.H.A.R.E. will not be a group simply to make friends or to have people for leisure activities alone.
6.4. Diligence in preparing written work.
6.5. Can maintain seriousness. Can distance oneself from one's emotions from the work at hand, stays in focus.
6.6. Ability to empathize. Related to service values. The applicant can see it from the other person' side.
6.7. Flexibility. The applicant can adapt to different kinds of people and situations, and if necessary willing to get his/her hands dirty in order to accomplish the job.

Love Denied

One of our Saudi colleagues is crushed by the prospect that he is not allowed to marry the woman he loves because of some arrangement with the tribes. As a non-Saudi, I don't know the mechanics to this whole thing, but I surmise it has to do with the "true" Arabs and "Arabized" peoples. I'm not certain if it has something to do with the Sunni/Shi'a sectarianism, and I'm too embarrassed to ask.

Or, for those who find it easier to put it in fictional terms, it's the Death Eaters opposing a marriage of a pureblood to a Muggle or Muggle-born.

I guess it's the same kind of torment in Indian society when one wants to pursue a "love-match" instead of marrying to secure social and financial respectability.

It's hard to say something about this. On the one hand, love is the single greatest ingredient to a successful marriage. On the other, who's to say that love is necessary to beget a marriage, and perhaps it's the other way around?

Still, if it were possible to rise as if on wings over these hurdles . . . yes, I believe I'd leave my colleague to dream and let that desire for love shape him as a sword through a forge. There is still that voice that whispers, the hope is still there.


WHO WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER
(Words and Lyrics by Brian May / QUEEN)

There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing
That builds our dreams
Yet slips away from us?
Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever . . . . . ? Oh....

There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only
One sweet moment
Set aside for us

Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever . . . . . ? Oh....
Who dares to love forever . . .
Oh, when love must die?

But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips

And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today . . .

Who wants to live forever?
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today . . .

Who waits forever anyway?

Postscript: When the first "Highlander" was released, I was 13 or so. I saw it on the big screen - I'm not sure if I watched it first with my parents or if my brother and I snuck away to watch it by ourselves, even though it was an R-rated film. I remember the song as "Heather's Theme" and until now it captures the bittersweetness of unfulfilled or unrequited love.

Now, time to decapitate a few people . . .

You'd Think They'd Have Figured It Out By Now...

Lust trumps love as reason for sex, says study

New rules on first kisses

Sometimes I think people just don't get it. Well, that's one what gets when your first line of information is the 'Net than going out and doing the real thing.

Hmm, bad way to remind myself in what country I am right now. *slaps self*

Unblogged

So now I'm back in Dammam with gaping holes in my heart and in my wallet. I arrived Wednesday morning and immediately went to work.

I had wanted to keep an online journal of my thoughts (as I was hinting in my most recent post), but I stayed off the Net except to read e-mails and to gaze at porn. Typical, really. What would you expect? Memorable quote (and I'll take credit for this, naturally): The reason I'm on vacation is to avoid all forms of accountability.

So there.

And yeah, I hate PLDT's DSL service. At least in our area, it sucks, big-time. Which is another reason why I didn't stay online. One can gouge my eyes out playing sappy games like Civ3 (it never gets old with me, for some reason), but not on the Internet (I'd rather gouge my providers' eyes out).

I miss Manila. Well, yes, but not really.

There's the family and some special friends, and some friends with whom I had hoped to spend more time, some friends with whom I had hoped to get re-acquainted, some business waiting to be done. The different colors, the smells, the feel of things. Let me put it this way - I miss Manila, but somehow when I'm there I could rupture my spleen or risk an aneurysm with exasperation. Ah, life. One big dose of it packs a wallop, and yet when one runs the bottle dry there is just, just never enough.

Until then.

By Way of Apology

Before I was inspired
Now I'm sad and tired
After all I've tried for three years
Seems like thirty
Why then am I scared?
What I started -- what you started. . .
I didn't start it

God Thy will is hard
But You hold every card
I will drink your cup of poison
Nail me to your cross and break me
Bleed me
Beat me
Kill me
Take me now before I change my mind . . .

I'm starting this post with a take from one of the key sequences from the musical "Jesus Christ Superstar" which I took some time to view during my vacation in Manila.

Well, I have a lot to say about the vacation I'm having right now --- yes, it has been pretty good so far, as these things go, but I feel sad about how I've been at the job before I left for Manila. I've been sort of a train wreck and I'm certain the level of trust the team has in me will be something I have to work on in the coming months.

I don't think it had anything to do with despair - just the natural wearing-out of some good habits and bad habits catching up. But still. I'm not going to go through the exercise of self-flagellation, and since the worst critic I would have would be me, let's just grant that the allegation is warranted and I have to do better. Does it solve what I put others through? No, definitely not. Of course, if things cannot be fixed there's always room to start over. I do hope so.

I didn't start this whole episode as a professional in the Middle East --- the path the Lord laid out took me there --- so I should take no pride in what I have accomplished, for in truth, I have accomplished little on my own. That's not to say I was just waffling about, but that I owe a lot to what others have made possible. And going forward means taking the necessary steps, accepting more responsibility and having a stronger sense of self-regulation. It is, literally, the cup I must drink from, and if I must bleed and suffer from it (naturally I hope not), then it must be done.

I pray nothing would make me waver from this resolution.

Posts on vacation happenings later --- we haven't got a reliable connection yet and I'm just getting used to the new PC.

In the West

Jeddah presents a quandary now as I sit in the dark typing this post.

Finally, there is a decent wi-fi connection in the hotel! I'm just unloading some of my personal e-mails, reading up on the NBA Finals (a semi-foregone conclusion for the Spurs) and while on the subject of sports, hatching some conspiracy theories whether Roger Federer can actually defeat Rafael Nadal in big-time clay matches.

The briefings yesterday were well-attended. Frankly, I believe I've mastered the shtick necessary to make the briefings work, even though there are the proverbial complainers who still complain about the lack of management objectivity when it comes to salary increments.

Salary increases are a very sensitive issue in a multi-cultural organization especially if there are cleavages among the salary scales. Much as intellectually I could accept the premise that this has to be done for the kind of business that we have, this doesn't remove the difficulty of making the ordinary employee on the front-line or in the factory understand, much less accept, this. There is also the added the burden that aside from the own unique management styles of the leadership in each department, there is also the perceived regional, cultural, ethnic, or national bias.

This is, after all, Saudi Arabia. However, it begs the issue: this involves, after all, people! Petty prejudices often overrule what constitutes common sense or decency. This becomes more marked when these prejudices find some form of intellectual justification.

Trouble is brewing in Jeddah. Our people here are getting more restive, while their management (whom I find well-meaning but a little too hard-pressed it seems) is faced with hard decisions. I truly empathize with either side, but at this point some confidence-building is due. As to how our team can help with this, I cannot say. Talks are ongoing.

I'm headed to Dammam today and while I welcome coming over here (for the first time as with Riyadh), it seems a relief to get back to the normal grind.

In Riyadh

I'm writing this post from Riyadh still frustrated over not having a quality wi-fi connection in the hotel. Well, there's only so much you can get with a budget hotel. In a few minutes I'll be leaving for the airport for a flight to Jeddah in the western portion of the country.

Riyadh is a sprawling city, and I don't have the figures for its population, but I would guess it would hover around the one million range (I'll find out later). This was an army of tents during the early days but it has always been the center of the caravan trade in the Arabian desert.

Looking at the buildings already here and the slew of construction of commercial and residential buildings I can surmise there are a lot more headaches in development to go --- Riyadh residents do complain of traffic, though this has nothing on say, Manila, going by my experience.

My colleagues and I are on company briefings for our operatives in these cities (they are going to still another city --- the western industrial complex of Yanbu - but I can't join them as I still have to finish up some work prior to my vacation).

In the earlier days, I used to view HR with a lot of suspicion when it came to these briefings. I do understand their predicament coming from my experiences as a volunteer facilitator and trainer, but it wasn't very hard to distrust the speakers. I suppose it came with the territory --- until these days, dynamic corporate HR is a thrall to shrinking budgets and business focus on operational requirements. Listening to the HR line is a long exercise in apologia.

Naturally, there is that sense of irony that creeps upon me as I do these briefings, speaking as an agent of the Company and trying my best to convey the best of our intentions to our employees. On the one hand, there is that part of me which remains angry and cynical as regards the gap between Company intent and actual practice. This has always been ensconced in my compassion that better things should happen for the people who work the hardest for the Company.

On the other hand, there is this struggle to communicate to our own people that the Company really does have their best interests at heart, but there are so many constraints - by force of habit and attitude as well as the very obvious financial ones. However, it seems churlish for me to take this paternalistic attitude --- it's as if I'm patronizing my own people. I'd rather be a realist and tell them how it is --- all the while upholding the interest of the Company since it's part of my job. It's not that simple as it sounds, though one wonders why it seems so difficult.

Mostly, it's a struggle with my ideal that people are the best arbiters of their destiny and given ample opportunities, would be able to sort things out by themselves. But that is of course wishful thinking --- so many times, one can trust people but not the circumstances and conditions under which they interact with the Company. It also comes with how people do business in this part of the world.

It would hardly denigrate the success of our session yesterday --- to use that worn-out cliche, sometimes, people just need to talk to someone, and all that someone must do is convey as much trustworthiness as possible.

I hope I've succeeded.

(Note: I'm date-lining this the 10th even though I just got to post this as I am waiting for my airport pick-up here in my hotel in Jeddah.)

Venturing on Tougher Seas

I paused a while to reflect on the meaning of my stay here. To be frank, I'm having a mini-crisis of confidence in the job right about now. There are many reasons for this, but mainly I believe it's being weighed down with too much too soon. I haven't been the most proactive of people in the past few weeks, and I deserve every kind of flak for my performance.

I'm pasting a translation of a prayer my spiritual mentors introduced to me so many years back. I think it's from Methodist minister Ted Loder, but I haven't time to verify this.

I'll be sailing into rougher seas, but with His help, perhaps I'll get by.

GAMBALAIN MO KAMI, PANGINOON

Gambalain mo kami, Panginoon,
kapag labis kaming natutuwa sa aming sarili;
kapag natupad ang aming inaasam
sapagka't ang aming inadhika'y kulang;
kapag kami'y ligtas na nakarating
sapagka't naglakbay kami nang kay lapit sa dalampasigan.

Gambalain mo kami, Panginoon,
kapag sa kasaganaan ng aming ari-arian
hindi na namin taglay ang pagkauhaw para sa tubig ng buhay;
kapag sa pagkahumaling namin sa Panahon
tinalikdan namin ang paghahangad para sa Walang Hanggan;
at kapag sa aming pagpunyagi sa pagpapaunlad ng mundo
pinabayaan naming manimdim ang aming pangitain para sa Bagong Kalangitan.

Hikayatin mo kami, Panginoon, na humakbang nang buong tapang,
na maglakbay sa laot, kung saan ipinapakita ng bagyo ang Iyong kapangyarihan,
kung saan kapag nawala sa aming paningin ang lupa matatagpuan namin ang mga bituin.

Sa Ngalan Niyang nagpalawak sa hangganan ng aming pangarap
at nag-anyaya sa may lakas ng loob na sumunod sa Kanya.

Amen.

Lifting Off from the Tarmac of Dubai

I spent the last workweek in Dubai on training for the Company. Some thoughts...

You know you look your age when the girl you think you're hitting on replies to each of your sallies with "po" or "opo." Downright deflating...

You know you're old and that your window of opportunity is quickly closing when even girls who would seem desperate for your company assume that you're married.

You know you're getting long in the tooth when the random stranger asks "how are your kids?"

You know you're getting old when your mind does a double-take when you're ogling sexually precocious sixteen-year old hotties. (It's jail for you, grandpa!)

As you can probably divine, the week didn't go off all that well. Catching up with friends and family in Dubai is great but aside from that, getting one's ego squished feels just as bad as it sounds. I wasn't really that kind of fellow girls would cheat on their signifcant others for, but even so, a little thrill would have helped.

I'm glad I'm bound for Manila and getting to try all over again. But nah, all you have to do is wave some cash around and some poor git will probably bite.

That, I think, is probably even more depressing.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night --- I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield

Learn New Tricks, Old Dogs...

Two axiomatic observations about the conduct of the Philippine elections from the master Niccolo Machiavelli:

"Whosoever desires constant success must change his conduct with the times."

"The one who adapts his policy to the times prospers, and likewise that the one whose policy clashes with the demands of the times does not."

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Origin

Get Your Cyborg Name

Well, it's nice to have an alternative origin for my name - because there's so much history that has come and gone with my name.

That's one part of the tinkering --- the other is pretend I am some psychedelic message contained in a Beatles song. Works for me, too.

I Am The Walrus
(Lennon-McCartney / The Beatles)

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly
I'm crying

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob

Mister City Policeman sitting pretty little policemen in a row
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky, see how they run
I'm crying, I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob

Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun
If the sun don't come, you get a tan
From standing in the English rain
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob, g'goo goo g'joob

Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don't you think the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty,
See how they snied.
I'm crying.

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Elementary penguin singing Hari Krishna
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob, g'goo goo g'joob.
Goo goo g'joob, g'goo goo g'joob, g'goo.

The Magic Feather

The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.
-- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Our Division contest came and went just about last month. This isn't much, but I'm rather proud of how this speech went. There are some inaccuracies that some people might spot, but it's a rather good speech, I think. I'll come back next year with a better performance.

The Magic Feather

I hold in my hands a magic feather. Do you see it wave like this? I can even throw it in the air, I will spin, and then catch it. See?

Mr. Contest Chair, fellow Toastmasters, distinguished panel of judges and guests, good morning.

I picked up my magic feather habit from one of my favorite animated movies of all time, Walt Disney's Dumbo. (Well, I confess, I still love watching cartoons to this day.)

Now, Dumbo was an elephant, who happened not only to be undersized, but he also had a huge pair of ears. He was ridiculed by all his fellow circus elephants except his mother.

Little did they know that Dumbo could fly. However, he had a teensy-weensy problem: he didn't believe he can. He lacked the faith that he could do something which no other elephant could. To help Dumbo out his little friend Timothy Mouse gave him a feather, which had nothing special about it except this: it gave Dumbo the belief to fly.

All throughout the next few weeks, Dumbo trained with the feather. He started with small heights and later worked on going higher and higher.

Then came the big day when Dumbo was featured as the main attraction in the main ring of the circus. He was raised on the platform more than thirty feet from the ground. On his way up, he was brimming with confidence. Then something disastrous happened - he lost his feather! What was he to do?

He stared down, looking at the ground, looking at the audience, his knees shaking like a tree dropping leaves. His friend Tim spoke to him and told him he didn't need the magic feather. Along the way, something wonderful and magical happened. Dumbo started to believe. He started flapping one ear, and then the other. He took one step, and then another, and finally he fell off the platform!

At twenty feet from the ground he was flapping, and he was falling! Ten feet, he was flapping, and he was falling! At five feet his ears picked up the pace and he zoomed upward, to the delight of the crowd!

There's a little Dumbo in every one of us. We have the little fear inside us that only needs a little push, perhaps a magic feather to start us on the road to greatness.

What do you fear? --- What do you fear? ---- What do you fear? Our fears may be of failure, of ridicule, of loss, of death.

You and I all share one thing: that we fear the uncertainty of the future.

My magic feather moment came when I was selected to run for grade school president. I dreaded the experience because it exposed my one great fear: facing people in public. I stuttered and couldn't complete two straight sentences. I ate my words. We went class-to-class talking to the students, and I found it hateful. The last day of campaigning - the miting de avance - came, and all three of the parties had to speak before the entire school. My leading opponent was a natural-born speaker, while I quailed at the thought of doing my speech.

In those moments, what I remembered were my parents' encouragement and their assurance that they loved me. So I took a few steps forward, slowly ascended the podium, and delivered my speech.

It was horrible, and I lost by a huge margin, but the experience stayed with me that I worked harder on my public speaking skills. I became a trainer and a teacher.

All of us fear. Nelson Mandela once quoted poet Marianne Williamson, “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. So we might ask ourselves, who are we to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? My question is, who are you not to be?”

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a light that shines within us that is yearning to break out. When we share this light with others, we give them permission to overcome their fear. We give them magic feathers of confidence to acknowledge the beauty in their lives.

When we liberate ourselves from our fear, we automatically liberate others.

I present you your own magic feather!

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.
-- Donald H. Rumsfeld